Relapsed

[DDD]

I just saw your post. From experience I know that "hope for the best, prepare for the worst" is hellacious when you have to live with it to cope with an ongoing problem. Like others I had hoped that your daughter would be the one in a million who succeeded after treatment but it sure sounds like the messages are echoing in her head and her resolve is in fight mode. Those are great signs. Most of all...add me to the family members who are proud of you! Sending supportive caring thoughts to your family. DDD

 

[barneysmom]

nancy, I'm holding you and your family close close close in my heart.

Midwest Mom made a great point about relapse being a part of the illness, and that it is part of the healing. I too think your daughter may benefit from hearing from others who have relapsed and gotten past it. For myself, I am grateful for the relapse I had -- it taught me a lot and it keeps me alive. I couldn't have internalized the fact that the first drink would get me, if I didn't have the experience of drinking it and finding out for myself.

I had 3 mos. sober and then "one drink" with an ensuing two-week blackout, at the end of which I graduated from college (June 1989) with a 3.8 average and a huge bruise on my chin in the graduation procession in full regalia -- from falling on my face the night before. I'll never forget the look my English professor gave me when he saw that bruise -- so surprised and concerned (I had gotten a BA in English and he was my favorite teacher).

Your courage in dealing with your daughter is ASTOUNDING -- keep it up. Believe me that's what I needed -- knowing people were done with my #### because if there was any slack at all, I would have taken that route. The only way I could proceed with recovery was if there was no slack. A lot of times the only thing that kept me from the first drink was the sure knowledge that no one would rescue me. Boy that was tiring when I realized it was going to be true for the rest of my life, at least regarding those who knew and cared for me.

You did good in not letting yourself be distracted by the friends that are dragging her down, even though your rage at them is righteous. As you already know, your daughter will see that her association with them is upsetting to you -- a good enough reason for associating with them again if she needs to create a little chaos to avoid her own pain.

I noticed that your daughter said "you deserve better." I was thinking that is not borderline talk, which I think is very encouraging. A person with active Borderline (BPD) would never say that -- would not have the insight to put herself in another's shoes in any capacity. "You deserve better" may be drunk talk, I don't know, but I've always thought your daughter's greatest risk for sobriety was Borderline (BPD) (and almost certainly genetics) but "you deserve better" wasn't coming from a Borderline (BPD) point of view.

I have to say that reading about your courage, Nancy, along with the courage of your husband and especially your daughter, is an immense encouragement to me. Thank you.

I think your daughter has a ton of potential. It's very very risky I know. Keep it up Nancy, don't waver. You can do it -- you ARE doing it. Eyes on the prize. Whatever happens, you will have done your job and will have been the mom she needs.

Jo

 

[gottaloveem]

Phew!

Love,
Lia

 

[Nancy]

barneysmom you give me so much encouragement and hope. I do so want to believe what you are saying. She told us before her relapse she wasn;t sure whether she was just a teenage who liked to drink or an alcoholic and now she realizes she is an alcoholic. Will that stop her the next time...I don't know. We knew something was up, we started to see the little signs along the way. She had 97 days sobriety.

She went to her aftercare program today and confessed. She asked her friend (the one whose horse threw her) to be there for support. He told me they were pretty rough on her and he supported her as much as her could. They want her to go back into intensive outpatient but right now we can't afford that. They will consider having her sign a contract promising to go to so many meetings a week and call her sponsor but we won't know if they will let her do that until later today. Otherwise she is out of the program and on her own.

Nancy

 

[Lucedaleblessed]

It would be quite unfair if they kicked her out. Given the fact that it could have gone so much worse and she made the choice not to reverse back to her old behavior it is proof that the therapy has worked. Some people have been in 3-5 rehabs and they have not been able to use what they learned.