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Family of Origin
Relationship Patterns / Dysfunctional FOO Issues
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 670679" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Cedar, I am looking for the prisoner poem and cannot find it in your posts. Can you point me to where it might be or post again the relevant part? Thank you.</p><p></p><p>I am afraid to be on the computer. M came home calm but in an intense voice remarked I was on the computer again. How did he know? He says I am ignoring essential things and that consequently we are going backwards, not forwards.</p><p></p><p>I will begin to look at my purchases as clues and try to piece it together. I will find a way to respond later to your post, Cedar. Remember, I am needing to be covert. That makes me resentful.</p><p></p><p>M has a right to express his feelings and his concerns. But it feels infantilizing and judgmental. I feel like locking the bedroom door to have privacy. </p><p></p><p>The thing is this: You cannot separate the medium from the message. If his way of thinking and asserting himself is direct and powerful, is it reasonable to expect and to ask him to communicate in a soft and soothing and deferential manner? Or is the answer some other thing?</p><p></p><p>Is it 100 per cent his responsible for changing his method of communication so that it does not have this effect on me? </p><p></p><p>When I am remiss from the beginning, and he is doing his part? I do not know.</p><p></p><p>Or do I need to be strong enough to bear his style? Or a combination?</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 670679, member: 18958"] Cedar, I am looking for the prisoner poem and cannot find it in your posts. Can you point me to where it might be or post again the relevant part? Thank you. I am afraid to be on the computer. M came home calm but in an intense voice remarked I was on the computer again. How did he know? He says I am ignoring essential things and that consequently we are going backwards, not forwards. I will begin to look at my purchases as clues and try to piece it together. I will find a way to respond later to your post, Cedar. Remember, I am needing to be covert. That makes me resentful. M has a right to express his feelings and his concerns. But it feels infantilizing and judgmental. I feel like locking the bedroom door to have privacy. The thing is this: You cannot separate the medium from the message. If his way of thinking and asserting himself is direct and powerful, is it reasonable to expect and to ask him to communicate in a soft and soothing and deferential manner? Or is the answer some other thing? Is it 100 per cent his responsible for changing his method of communication so that it does not have this effect on me? When I am remiss from the beginning, and he is doing his part? I do not know. Or do I need to be strong enough to bear his style? Or a combination? COPA [/QUOTE]
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