Relocated to give my daughter a better opportunity, think I'm making everything worse

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Pearose, Jun 3, 2011.

  1. Pearose

    Pearose New Member

    [FONT=&quot]I recently relocated to Raleigh NC in effort to raise my daughter in a calmer, safer environment where the school system is able and willing to provide her with the services required for her to be successful. [/FONT] I received an offer from a friend to stay with them in NC to change my daughter's environment. She is back in school and is adjusting well. Services she was unable to receive in previous years are now being provided. Unfortunately, it took longer than expected to find work here.

    My friend's original offer was to let me stay with her until I got myself on my feet and she wouldn't charge rent until I found a job. Unfortunately, once I got here the offer changed and she expected me to cover half of everything immediately. This caused me to go through the little savings I had faster than expected. I may actually lose my car any day now and we are on the verge of being put out if I don't find some money for rent/bills.

    I need $800 more today to to make sure my half of rent and bills are covered for June until I get paid. Finally started working last week, but she is not able/willing to wait until I get paid. I have tried different services and programs in the area, but my situation does not meet their requirements. My family has been helping thus far and just don't have it at this time. I don't know what I am going to do....trying not to panic.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Call social services to see if they can help you find a place to stay until you can get on your feet. Clearly this friend isn't going to really help you. I have no idea why she made an offer she wasn't able or going to follow through on. You can't pull money out of the thing to do is to concentrate on where you can stay for now. Do you have anyplace to go back to, if you can't find a place to stay? The reality is, you may have to go back to where you have family.
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sorry about this. Raleigh is in pretty bad straights right now since the tornado's. Most of the immediate housing help has gone to those who lost their homes then. I do know that Raleigh and other parts of the triangle do have shelters but I dont know where they are because I am not from that part of NC. My area doesnt have any shelters.

    This isnt to say I wouldnt contact HUD or income based housing. Maybe go out into one of the surrounding counties. You will probably find most of the same services anywhere near the Triangle area. Maybe not the exact same but close.
  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear of your problem. All I can suggest is start calling churches and social service agencies. Good luck. DDD
  5. keista

    keista New Member

    Sorry, to hear you're so stuck, and even more sorry to hear how unfriendly this friend is, but keep on looking and trying.

    Positive $$$$$ energy headed your way.
  6. Pearose

    Pearose New Member

    Thank you guys...I'm def keeping my head up (was having a moment before) I don't have anything/anywhere to go back to so I am determined to make it work here. Yes, with the tornadoes options for housing/shelter options are limited. I've managed to get all but $250 of what I owe...gonna keep trying thru the weekend.....
  7. Pearose

    Pearose New Member

    Just when I thought I was starting to regroup and get a handle on things......woke up this morning and car is REPO'd. Been trying to hold them off for a while, but they finally caught up to me. Feels like I'm about to LOSE IT!! UGH!!
  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well that bites! At least you are up there where they have mass transit. Down where I am they dont even have buses and you dont even want to know what a cab costs...if you can get one to come out to you!
  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    If you have less than $100 in the bank and cash, with no car, you will qualify for emergency help in almost any area of the country. The car actually means you are higher up on the list than you were before. Make SURE they know your daughter has a disability of some kind. Whatever it is that she needs supports for. I am sorry about your friend. Be sure to contact every church in the area. Don't just ask for help. If they cannot help, ask them who they can suggest that you call for help. Be persistent, let them all know you came there to get help for your daughter andthat you are doing all you can. Maybe offer to do clean up or chores on the weekends or whatever in exchange for help. Get the phone book and just start calling. It isn't easy, but it can be coped with.

    I am so sorry it hasn't worked out smoothly. You do have a job - and that is a good thing!
  10. seriously

    seriously New Member

    I am reluctant to put this out there but you probably have the legal right to force her to do formal eviction process to get you out. It would be very ugly and it depends on the housing laws in your area.

    Even if you don't have a written contract, there is a verbal contract and you have certain rights even when it's a verbal contract. It might buy you some time but it will get you a lot of grief and stress.

    I would also suggest you contact social services and ask to apply for emergency housing/assistance, food stamps - whatever they can offer - apply for it all.

    Hope you are able to get around to your job and such with out your car and it all works out really soon.
  11. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Oh-I hope that the heart of your friend softens until you are on your feet! LDS church-they will help. Every Bishop is different but I know they will help. There has to be a ward close by. You'll have to get to the bishop.
  12. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    This is a good time to find the legal aid office too. If they won't/can't help for some reason, find a nearby law school and call professors to ask if they or a student group could help you with either the eviction or the housing and financial crisis. they may be able to help speed up the process for food benefits, low income housing, medicare for both of you, etc.... I do not know how much you earn, but every state must insure children who are not otherwise insured/insurable. Applying is usually easy and usually costs are covered 100%. The income limits for this are higher than for other things. Also check out the school lunch program for the summer. Here they open one school in June and July and serve free lunch to anyone under 18. It is about $4 for anyone over 18 here. Some districts even provide buses to help you get there. Many schools also have programs where they send a special colored backpack home with children who do not get food at home over the weekends or school breaks. The school secretary or principal or the guidance office or nutritionist/kitchen manager can help with this.

    Even if you do NOT get these things right away, you CAN keep from being kicked out. She will have to file a formal complaint following the steps in thsi article (specific for NC):

    Should she put your things out, or lock you out, or take your things, or try to intimidate you or if she threatens you or damages your things or goes totally psycho and tries to hurt you, then YOU call the cops. She cannot just toss you out for not having the rent right now, no matter what the problems are. So do what you need to do, ignore her as much as you can, and keep your head up high! Yes, you have very little now, but you sacrificed your home, your support system there, an area you know, etc... to move to this place because it is what your daughter needs to grow and learn and blossom into a young woman. So don't let anyone tell you that you are less. You are so much more than s many people out there because you have truly given up almost everything material to get the help and supports that are crucial to your daughter's future.

    by the way, if she damages anything of yours, make SURE you get photos if possible and call the police.

  13. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I also found some info from HUD that includes a link to a landlord/tenant relationship. Here is the link:

    Another source of help would be to contact NAMI to get help finding housing, transportation, and many other things.

    I do not know your past and am not implying anything, just suggesting an avenue that you may not have thought of. Have you ever been a victim of domestic violence? Not just regular fighting, but what felt like violence to you at that time? It is not something where if person X does this to person Y, then person X is abusing person Y. that may apply, but the overall meaning of domestic violence is that the abused feels abused and in danger at least some of the time. I ended up in therapy at a DV center because my then mid teenage son was assaulting me. It was hard to go there, but it helped a lot. This being said, if you have a past history of domestic violence in your home (no matter how old or young you are), the dv center can set up free resouces to help you. This can include housing, therapy, and many many other things. It is just an avenue that I thought might be of use in more ways than one if it is something that applies to you.