remember that post about confronting demons?? well i'm doing it next weekend

[Jena]

hi

so evaluations tmrw. and i've been diagnosed with ptsd. im heading out of state next weekend to press charges. (the demon) i spoke of abuse i had suffered long ago. memories have been hitting me as of late and i was able to piece together for the most part what was done to me.

so not in person at police station sex crime unit to give sworn statemnet then three way call to try to get abuser to admit it or to apologize if i can get apology they can go and get warrant that day and arrest.

alot going on in my little life for sure these days.

i feel in my heart i'm doing the right thing. i hope i am. the officer told me i am repeatedly. if they arrest adn goes to trial could be very involved. it's been 18 yeras and counting i think its' time though

jen

 

[scent of cedar]

Good for you, Jen.

It isn't really about the stupid abuser either ~ it's about reclaiming yourself, about naming the wrongdoer and refusing the things he taught you about who you were and what you were entitled to when he did what he did.

Someone told me once that when we are ready to reclaim ourselves, we need to function as our own best mothers, nurturing and holding ourselves safe against all the old, negative tapes that have been playing in our heads for so long that we don't even hear them anymore.

This is a big step for you.

Know that I wish you well!

Barbara

 

[trinityroyal]

Someone told me once that when we are ready to reclaim ourselves, we need to function as our own best mothers, nurturing and holding ourselves safe against all the old, negative tapes that have been playing in our heads for so long that we don't even hear them anymore.

Jen, sending prayers your way as you embark on this journey. I admire your strength and courage in taking this step.

No matter how much time has passed, now is the right time for YOU. If you're ready to take this step, then it IS the right time. No one else can determine that, only you.

{{{{{Hugs}}}}}
Trinity

 

[LittleDudesMom]

Jen, I too admire your strength and courage! My thoughs and prayers are with you.

Sharon

 

[TerryJ2]

Jen, I agree, this isn't about him, it's about you. Besides, what difference does it make when it happened? There are still war trials going on for WWII.
Go for it.
Take care of yourself. This is a big step.
That police officer sounds like a great guy, by the way.

 

[Jena]

hi

thanks you guys and to be quite honest with you, all of you here even though we don't see one another face to face have been such an incredible support for me this past mos or so and guided me so very well

hugs to all of you

p.s. difficult child and i are at hotel she loves it our evaluation starts tomorrow

 

[Jena]

please dont admire the strength i'm petrified i really am. i'm hoping boyfriend can get time to go with me otherwise i'm doing it alone. scarey stuff it's my dad.

my hearts been telling me this is the year to clean it all up

only wish i had done it sooner and possibly saved someone else from being hurt.

 

[trinityroyal]

Jen, being petrified but getting up the nerve to do it anyway takes strength. Entire boatloads of strength.

You have every right to be terrified and anxious, and anything else you might be feeling. Following your heart is the right choice. If this is the right time for you, then it's the right time.

All the best, and sending prayers and positive thoughts.
Trinity

 

[Jena]

thanks trinity i appreciate it. no nightmares last night either. difficult child and i are loving the hotel so yup i guess it is the right time. we'll see how my week progresses.

 

[Jena]

i just keep adding onto my post......lol

one thing i will say is living the right way, doing the right thing is really really hard but it feels good though.

like difficult child's evaluation. hate this process have been thru it before yet it's the right thing that feels good.

next weekend scarey stuff it feels like the right thing in my heart of hearts and since i've made this decision i've gotten on an elevator today sounds silly i know but refused to get on one for 2 mos. now since i got stuck its flights of stairs regardless of floor but its difficult child';s birthday and testing was on 6th floor so i had to do it for her.

i also handled few other fears past two days and breathed through them i think i'm growing tis is good thing.

just don't wanna die with regrets with wish i had should of done this that kinda stuff. i am paralegal for estate admin legal so i deal with death when im at work which lately hasn't been at all yet it makes me think alot and puts stuff into perspective somewhat for me.

this past 2 mos its' been hell for me quite frankly struggling with difficult child older difficult child boyfriend my own stuff job. i'm trying to not only solve the problems this time i think but also feel my way thru them and let hte emotions come out as well i think it's the only way i'll really get ok

kinda got scared the other night it's alot for boyfriend adn we had long talk and he said it's alot for new relationship. yet he said im' here and i support you totally because your doing all the right things in each area of your life especially with difficult child and next week's trip. thing is he kinda loves me with all my stuff no one's ever done that before without judgement. my families love is highly conditional yet his isn't . not sure what future will bring with us either yet it feels like for first time we are truly listening to one anothers feelings and needs and on the right road.

ok i'm done rambling for now