Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by tryingtobestrong, Jul 31, 2018.

  1. my son was discharged from his IOP. He would have had to agree to move into sober living to go back to it. He relapsed Friday night and then on Saturday again. Spent Sunday in the ER due to nonstop throwing up.... The IOP therapist was beyond upset and felt he needed detox.
    When he originally went to detox he rushed himself through it. Went in on a Tuesday and kept telling them he was good. They said he numbers were good and released him on Thursday. I was so upset because we flew out to take care of his pets and he was released.. Took him to many many AA meetings and now this.
    At a loss here. He makes it 2 weeks then relapses so I fear what 2 weeks will bring.
    Since we have our tickets we are going out next week to help him move, but I really need to make it known that I am done.
    I want to take him off our health care but my husband said no...
    He had no intention of stopping his marijuana smoking when he agreed to IOP and knew it would cost us how much. Feels like he just robbed us.
    IF anyone has experience in how to tell their adult child they are through, please tell me. I'm sure they throw out the suicide card.
  2. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    in my opinion if you are so angry that you are not wanting to see him at least for a while i think its best NOT to fly out. Sell or return the tickets or take a loss to avoid something bad.This degree of disappointment by you and anger frim him could get violent and ugly and there is no point. Your husband can explain over the phone then if you still feel you have to help him move maybe pay movers to do it. In your frame of mine in my opinion a visit would only end very badly. I know you promised. He made promises he broke. In this case, it is probably for the best to do so.

    What would be accomplished if you went that is for the good? Please think about it. Our adult kids can flip out when angry. We can flip too. I just want everyone safe and far apart for now...the stress level sounds very bad and you dont need it. Maybe send your husband alone, if he is calmer, or send him with another family member or friend.
    Last edited: Jul 31, 2018
  3. EarthIsHard

    EarthIsHard Member

    trying, If were planning on going out to move him into a sober living and that's not where he's going then maybe making the move to wherever he wants to go on his own might be better. If the plan was just to help him move, just don't sign anything for him to stay there, in my opinion.
    It is hard not to get angry when they just aren't ready to be sober. Why did he agree to go in? Sounds like your son just isn't ready.
    We've gone through that insurance dilemma with our son. We always end up opting to keep him on in the hopes that someday he'll really want to use it. Just gives us piece of mind even at the additional cost.
    I've been 'through for now' a few times. It's a roller coaster.
  4. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry, Trying. Your son has given you every indication that he is just not ready.

    It's very nice of you to help him move. You would be well within your rights to tell him you aren't coming. As SWOT said, with emotions flying so high right now, cancelling might be something to consider.

    As far as the "I'm done" talk, I don't have any tips. I spent hours penning many letters. Most I threw away. Some I gave him, but they didn't make a difference.

    I talked, I screamed, I cried, I defended my decision more times than I can remember. He likely remembers none of it.

    The only times I got his attention were the times I *showed* him I was done, not *told* him I was done.

    The sad truth is that I was expecting him to acknowledge or at least understand the pain he was causing us. He was in no condition to do either one because he was in the grips of his addiction.

    I suspect your son would be the same way until he gets his head clear and sees where his life is headed.
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  5. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    Yeah, this pretty much sums it up.
  6. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Well-Known Member

    The only times I got his attention were the times I *showed* him I was done, not *told* him I was done
    Even though i copied this wrong i agree with this point by albatross. When i talk however i do it. Yell, plead, just talk, it has little to no effect on his attitude but i may get treated badly instead. As people have told me write it all down. Wait a couple days edit ane then choose to send or not to send.