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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 710546" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>We bought a house for my son's use. He had been homeless. It is hard for me to live with him, and his being homeless and mentally ill, was impossible for me to bear. It was not helping him either, being homeless or a couch potato.</p><p></p><p>For a long while we let him live either with us or at the 2nd house as we remodeled it, in exchange for free rent.</p><p></p><p>We stopped that, as free rent proved to be a "marijuana subsidy" and working for us an excuse to not focus on improving his own life and doing better.</p><p></p><p>We are now charging him a fair market rent. Personally, I do not want him to help us any more with the remodeling, because it seems that he uses this to get power over us, particularly me.</p><p></p><p>There are parents here who help with rent, but they look for certain actions by their children, to happen or not. Like school, or work, or certain good behaviors or lack of bad ones.</p><p></p><p>Which is to say that their help is conditional on one thing or another. For me, this whole idea of conditions has been a minefield. I abuse it or he does. And it creates the sense that I can buy good behavior from him and that he buys power from me, through money. Which is a mindset I definitely want to get rid of.</p><p></p><p>He needs to pay rent because that is what people do. My son is on SSI. He gets funds to pay rent. I am demanding rent. And right now, nothing more than an average tenant should give: maintaining the property and no illegal behavior.</p><p></p><p>This is so hard.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 710546, member: 18958"] We bought a house for my son's use. He had been homeless. It is hard for me to live with him, and his being homeless and mentally ill, was impossible for me to bear. It was not helping him either, being homeless or a couch potato. For a long while we let him live either with us or at the 2nd house as we remodeled it, in exchange for free rent. We stopped that, as free rent proved to be a "marijuana subsidy" and working for us an excuse to not focus on improving his own life and doing better. We are now charging him a fair market rent. Personally, I do not want him to help us any more with the remodeling, because it seems that he uses this to get power over us, particularly me. There are parents here who help with rent, but they look for certain actions by their children, to happen or not. Like school, or work, or certain good behaviors or lack of bad ones. Which is to say that their help is conditional on one thing or another. For me, this whole idea of conditions has been a minefield. I abuse it or he does. And it creates the sense that I can buy good behavior from him and that he buys power from me, through money. Which is a mindset I definitely want to get rid of. He needs to pay rent because that is what people do. My son is on SSI. He gets funds to pay rent. I am demanding rent. And right now, nothing more than an average tenant should give: maintaining the property and no illegal behavior. This is so hard. [/QUOTE]
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