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Resentment toward son and him having a baby on the way
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<blockquote data-quote="detachingmother" data-source="post: 682002" data-attributes="member: 20063"><p>LOL. NO you did not sound overly harsh. I am actually a very "tough" person. That was mild. I liked your added bit about telling her it's a gift, and what I choose is a gift. I will use that one. I've already used the rest. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>I also agree about her getting things and selling it so that was a good reminder. My guard does slip, even so..... YEP, this girl would do exactly that...she's been demanding that I give her more to call him, well, actually, it's more of a master manipulation type demand with the phone call money. BUT, then I found out Son's dad has been giving her money, and so has her own parents. So...she's getting her phone calls in. Yep, she will manipulate everyone and anyone, including other men, as I am learning. She also play other men, the poor me game, I've been abandoned, etc. I know she does this too. Plays on the heartstrings of anyone who will listen. I see her doing this on facebook, as well. She's been even talking to Son's best friend...I am watching her closely and it's not pretty. OMG. Hard to continue the "nice" with her. </p><p></p><p>She's also been trying to gain access to Son's expensive items that I have safely guarded, that we had to move from his house when he went to jail. Oh heck no, she's not getting near that stuff, even though Son said give it to her. Yep, crazy Son told me to give it to her. NO, I will not and I did not. She stopped asking me for those things...Huge smart TV, games, electronics, washer/dryer, etc...It's not like she is getting her own place, and it's simply not hers. So NO. lol. She will stop at nothing though really.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Yep, I do this. And given my degree in clinical Psychology (just a BS, but an honors BS), I have it in my head that behavior is predictable. Very much so...so yes I do awfulize, non stop. Too close to my own situation again. Hate that I feel like I know what I know...ya know? LOL maybe I am just crazy too. hahhaha. Feels like it at times.</p><p> </p><p></p><p>Yup, I know. I am thinking my situation in anxiety. Thank God no high blood pressure yet, had it checked a few days ago.</p><p></p><p>Had to go have two physicals, because one isn't good enough to use at two different new jobs. lol All seems ok, except my pulse/heart rate. But I am using an educated guess that it's anxiety. I couldn't really say, "hey could you check out my chest pains", when I need to work, not just to occupy my mind, but I need the money this year. I think I'll be ok. Thanks though for the reminders! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> I am keeping an eye on the heart rate. I will go to ER if it gets ridiculous. It's hovering around 111 lately.</p><p></p><p>SK, I do tell girlfriend every day that she tries this stuff, things like, "you knew this would happen, you knew you weren't working, in a position to provide, you knew Son has problems, but you chose to get pregnant, now YOU and HE deal with the outcome..." I tell her it's temporary, that she and he will figure it out. yadayada. She was trying to get pregnant. She saw Son as a "meal" ticket. No doubt. Too bad for her. I am "tough" with her, bc I am still ANGRY, resentful. Very resentful. lol. I try to use "nice" positive words, but it's getting harder.</p><p></p><p>At some point soon, I will go see my therapist for the resentment feelings, to help me with how I feel, as I am a little worried I will not get over it. Just have to get through a few other big payment issues first. My youngest is graduating this year, and I am trying to make sure he is not feeling "put aside" again bc of big brother's issues. This is also a point of contention in my family, even though I have tried to keep all three kids happy, and feeling loved equally....no matter what, they feel the pain of what Son's doing with his life. </p><p></p><p>The resentment feeling actually feel like almost just short of "hate", inside I feel like punching someone in the face, I use Hillary as my visual---just thoughts, I would never intentionally hit anyone. lol sorry......<img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /> So I do know I need to address this sooner, rather than later. Also probably a cause of the anxiety....chest pains...UGH.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="detachingmother, post: 682002, member: 20063"] LOL. NO you did not sound overly harsh. I am actually a very "tough" person. That was mild. I liked your added bit about telling her it's a gift, and what I choose is a gift. I will use that one. I've already used the rest. :) I also agree about her getting things and selling it so that was a good reminder. My guard does slip, even so..... YEP, this girl would do exactly that...she's been demanding that I give her more to call him, well, actually, it's more of a master manipulation type demand with the phone call money. BUT, then I found out Son's dad has been giving her money, and so has her own parents. So...she's getting her phone calls in. Yep, she will manipulate everyone and anyone, including other men, as I am learning. She also play other men, the poor me game, I've been abandoned, etc. I know she does this too. Plays on the heartstrings of anyone who will listen. I see her doing this on facebook, as well. She's been even talking to Son's best friend...I am watching her closely and it's not pretty. OMG. Hard to continue the "nice" with her. She's also been trying to gain access to Son's expensive items that I have safely guarded, that we had to move from his house when he went to jail. Oh heck no, she's not getting near that stuff, even though Son said give it to her. Yep, crazy Son told me to give it to her. NO, I will not and I did not. She stopped asking me for those things...Huge smart TV, games, electronics, washer/dryer, etc...It's not like she is getting her own place, and it's simply not hers. So NO. lol. She will stop at nothing though really. Yep, I do this. And given my degree in clinical Psychology (just a BS, but an honors BS), I have it in my head that behavior is predictable. Very much so...so yes I do awfulize, non stop. Too close to my own situation again. Hate that I feel like I know what I know...ya know? LOL maybe I am just crazy too. hahhaha. Feels like it at times. Yup, I know. I am thinking my situation in anxiety. Thank God no high blood pressure yet, had it checked a few days ago. Had to go have two physicals, because one isn't good enough to use at two different new jobs. lol All seems ok, except my pulse/heart rate. But I am using an educated guess that it's anxiety. I couldn't really say, "hey could you check out my chest pains", when I need to work, not just to occupy my mind, but I need the money this year. I think I'll be ok. Thanks though for the reminders! :) I am keeping an eye on the heart rate. I will go to ER if it gets ridiculous. It's hovering around 111 lately. SK, I do tell girlfriend every day that she tries this stuff, things like, "you knew this would happen, you knew you weren't working, in a position to provide, you knew Son has problems, but you chose to get pregnant, now YOU and HE deal with the outcome..." I tell her it's temporary, that she and he will figure it out. yadayada. She was trying to get pregnant. She saw Son as a "meal" ticket. No doubt. Too bad for her. I am "tough" with her, bc I am still ANGRY, resentful. Very resentful. lol. I try to use "nice" positive words, but it's getting harder. At some point soon, I will go see my therapist for the resentment feelings, to help me with how I feel, as I am a little worried I will not get over it. Just have to get through a few other big payment issues first. My youngest is graduating this year, and I am trying to make sure he is not feeling "put aside" again bc of big brother's issues. This is also a point of contention in my family, even though I have tried to keep all three kids happy, and feeling loved equally....no matter what, they feel the pain of what Son's doing with his life. The resentment feeling actually feel like almost just short of "hate", inside I feel like punching someone in the face, I use Hillary as my visual---just thoughts, I would never intentionally hit anyone. lol sorry......:( So I do know I need to address this sooner, rather than later. Also probably a cause of the anxiety....chest pains...UGH. [/QUOTE]
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