Residential, finally

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mollyzuzu, Jan 24, 2018.

  1. mollyzuzu

    mollyzuzu Member

    HI there, the last time I wrote on here, we were valiantly trying to get residential for our son because he was unsafe with drugs and cutting. Well, the state finally took hold and put him into a group home for boys 350 miles away from us. He was in shelter care coming out of drug rehab and they needed to find a placement for him pronto as the court was becoming angry. As is was, a lot of the homes were denying a placement with them because of his issues. So, this one came up, 6 hours away. This was the week before Thanksgiving.

    Fast forward to now. Now he does not talk to us, either by phone or mail. He does call when he wanted goodies or wants a special pair of shoes or something like that. We visited in December for Christmas and opened gifts with him. He was only able to spend 1.5 hours with us until his anxiety kicked in. luckily my sister lives just 2 hours from there and we went to visit her, not to waste a 350 mile journey.

    It is so surreal. NOW we are in the court system, were warned to stay away and out by many, but here we are. Now we need to set up a reunification plan with the social worker and she is in no hurry to do that. I do not know what it is that we need to correct or work on. Hopefully the therapist we are seeing can help me figure out what we need to work on. All I was doing with son was watching him like a hawk and would not let him have freedom because when he got that, he went to the stores and stole cold medications and od's everytime. which, did lead me to resenting him and becoming very frustrated that I could not keep him out of the hospital.

    He HAD to go , he would've wound up in the neighborhood funeral home if he didn't. I just feel so so lost with how this is going to go now. From what I have read in other cases, the state can actually take him permanently if reunification does not work. And I guess If that is the way it goes, I hope they can find a system that works for him and can help him.

    Then there is the business of child support, omg what a tangle. We still have not found out how much our support will be. They want to take 34% of our wages to support him. We do have an attourney, but my goodness, 34%?? Child support is 17% but they want monies from both of us. So, once that boom is lowered at least we will know where we stand. Hopefully it will leave us some money to live and support our other son at home. AND hopefully we can bring peewee home in another 6-8months.

    So much to think about. At least while he has been gone hubby and I have had a chance to simmer down and actually breathe. maybe by the time he comes back we will be able to stand back and see things for what they are and not let the emotional aspect kick in. It was so hard towards the end before son went into the group home. I just felt like such a failure and so bad for him that he could not stop what he was doing to himself, yet there was nothing or no one to help him/us.

    Well I have rambled for too long. Just wanted you to know son finally got into residential. He has thereapy once a week plus AODA counseling, goes to school on site and has options to do arts, crafts, and other things but chooses not to.
     
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  2. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Hi Mollly

    How old is your son? I forgot. You may want to add some details to your signature so that we can refresh our memories of your situation since there are so many stories to keep straight.

    I think you should sigh a breath of relief that he is getting help. I only wish someone had taken my son when he was spinning out of control.

    Try not to feel bad or guilty, you did this to help your son because you LOVE him. He will see this someday. I'm assuming he is young and very immature and dealing with who knows what.

    I know the worry of your son dying before you can figure out what is wrong and try to get him help. I lived it too. I still worry about it honestly.

    I don't know about the financial part of it but so good that you have an attorney to help you sort through it all.

    Just breathe and take one day at a time. That's all any of us can do. We do not know the future.

    Take care of yourself and your husband and your other son. This could be a long journey for you all.
     
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Is your son a teenager?
     
  4. mollyzuzu

    mollyzuzu Member

    Finally took the time to choose an avatar. Yes son is 16, just turned 16 and is adopted from Ukraine since the age of 3.5 years. He has been having issues since we brought him home. thought it was just adhd or getting used to the situation, but one thing lead to another. Very impulsive and impressionable, does everything he sees and hears from videos, to music. He has been seeing thereapists since age 5 and nothing is working. NOW he won't even engage with the therapists, he says I'm only taking him to see these people for myself. Which now that I step back, I can see why he says that, because it is "I" that wants him to get better and not he. He is a good boy, just one messed up little bugger because of all the huffing and other stuff that he has doen. Has anxiety from head to toe, some caused from the drugs he had turned to to relieve the stress of the world in his mind.
     
  5. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    MZ
    Want a ride you have been on. I hope that he reunification is a success. I know his must be so difficult but you are doing what you have to to save your son from himself.
     
  6. My son was just place in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) again 2 weeks ago. This is his 2nd placement. And I am breathing again. It is so tough. I hate it that they want 30%+ of your wages. UGH! What a nightmare!!!
     
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Since your son is already 16 they can not take custody fr long. He is his own person at 18.

    I hope you are finding some peace k owing he is getting help. Love and hugs!
     
  8. mollyzuzu

    mollyzuzu Member

    Hopefilledmama, do you mind me asking how you paid for the residential stay for your son?
     
  9. The first facility was paid for by his insurance company.

    This one is more complicated. He received a Victim's Compensation Fund from our state. It was a small trust fund for when he turned 18. I found out about 6 months ago that there was an additional amount, up to $30,000 available for treatment if it could be directly connected with the original reason the VCF was awarded. This is. However, he is placed there with crossed fingers (or folded hands) for we have no guarantee. The facility he is in is aware, and are being 100% amazing, with everything. Knowing it was a risk. I will be submitting the invoice for January as well as clinical notes and treatment plan next week. Praying that they will indeed fund this.
     
  10. mollyzuzu

    mollyzuzu Member

    Our insurance company will not pay for reisidential or therapeutic residential. They did however pay for his drug and alcohol rehab for 30 days in full, which was a godsend. I am just afraid that after his 9months or so is up, he is going to come home and resort back to what he was doing initially. This stuff is so difficult because there are so many tangents that we can go on with our kiddos and hope we are on the right one... I do believe my son is not in the right place, he needs a therapeutic residential setting and he is in a group home. WE do have a lawyer involved and he may be able to get to the bottom of this
     
  11. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Make sure you are not paying for his education. Many times you are charged for education when your child is in a group home or any out of home placement. The school district is required to provide a Free and Appropriate Public Education in the Least Restrictive Environment (FAPE IN THE LRE). This means that they need to pay for his education, not you. This may take some of the fee off of your shoulders. The state will still take a flat fee if he is in their custody, but you can have your lawyer at least fight for this. It would hopefully provide more services and help for your son.

    I know the financial cost is tough to bear. Maybe focus on the idea that it is only until he is 18, or out of high school. I think you have to continue until he is out of his senior year if he turns 18 in the middle of his senior year.

    Of course if he is truly hard to handle, they will either tell you he is "all better" and send him home, or they will tell you that he is too hard for them to handle. In that case, they send him home to you. Or they try to.

    Push for the residential setting and as much therapy as you can. With a 16yo, time is running out. I am truly sorry that this has been such a difficult experience for you.
     
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