Residential Treatment Center (RTC) in the future hopefully

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by crazymama30, Oct 24, 2011.

  1. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    difficult child has been increasingly out of control. Has had meltdowns at school (never had them at school), major ones at home, has hit me (not hard but still), and it is not getting better with medication increases. psychiatrist write the letter stating this was what she recommended as it would not be safe to take him off his medications at home, wrap around care coordinator is helping with it too, and we are waiting for therapist to finish what she needs to and then wrap lady will make the referral and we will see if they will accept him. Insurance should not be an issue, he has private insurance a primary and an open medicaid card as secondary.

    This is soooooooooo hard to send him away. He has seen his dad go from hospital to hospital and nothing helped. i really have no other choice, easy child has started cutting as she is so stressed out from her brother. She is seeing a therapist and we will be increasing the frequency.

    My heart breaks for both my kiddos. I know I haven't, but it feels like I have failed them both.
  2. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Try to remember that husband is not only struggling with mental health issues but pain and addiction as well. He and difficult child are completely different. I also think it is prudent for the psychiatrist to do a medication wash and add-ons in a more controlled locations given difficult child's volatility. {{{Hugs}}}
  3. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Tm, I know this is what he needs, and lord knows easy child and I need a break, but it just makes me tear up to think about dropping him off. I cannot even imagine how hard the drive home will be. This is soooooooooo hard.
  4. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Oh CM! (((Hugs))) Sometimes, loving someone means doing the most difficult things because that is what they need. I can only imagine how much this hurts but I do know that you will always do your best for your children... that's just who you are. Have you been able to speak with your therapist about this? I think you could use the professional support that you are doing the right thing. We are so programmed into thinking we must be everything for our children, but this isn't scraped knees or a broken toys. difficult child needs something more intensive and easy child needs to not be immersed in it. These sort of things leave us feeling inadequate and brings us to our knees. But you will somehow manage to do as you always do and look out for your children's best interests. I have faith in you.

    And my heart is with you.
  5. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    These are the times that we have to let our mommy head rule over our mommy heart. It's tough and hurts like koi. My son is on his second stint in Department of Juvenile Justice- both committing offenses were using a knife to rob me, although he'd had lesser offenses of different types that had landed him on probation before that. It has killed me emotionally. But it doesn't hurt as bad as it would hurt if he was living at home and continuing to rob me, or others girlfriend, or otherwise getting reinforcement (by lack of consequences) that he can grow up and be physically intimidating or abusive to a female. It doesn't feel as bad as thinking he's about to kill me and his future will be spent behind bars knowing that he killed his mother. It at least gives me one very small drop of hope that maybe someday he'll turn around before he really does actually physically harm someone, and oddly enough, so far he isn't legally classified as a violent offender. It doesn't ever get easy. It does get easier. But doing what I knew I had to do leaves me feeling a tad better than I'd feel if I just did what I wanted to do, knowing it couldn't possibly be what is best for difficult child or anyone.

    I know this won't make you feel better right now, but I tried everything in the world to get my son in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and had him accepted but the court ruled Department of Juvenile Justice instead. You and your son have no idea how lucky you are that he's going to Residential Treatment Center (RTC) instead of Department of Juvenile Justice. Maybe you can find a little comfort at some point to know that it could be worse.


    I'm going thru something similar now- I have to either refuse my son coming home in order for him to have half a chance of a transitional group home, or I can welcome him home with open arms and see if he pulls a knife on me a 3rd time.

    Remember, our choices aren't "send the kid away or stay at home with the kid being a easy child" and we parents didn't cause or create the choice we have. Our choices are "continue with this getting worse, or do something that will save everyone's safety and might possibly help the kid and save the kid from doing something worse". We didn't get to choose those choices; but we are tasked with making the choice.

    I'll share my warrior mom armour with you. :)
  6. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Thank you both, your empathy and support help. Tm, I know I convoy be everything for my kids,
    But it is easier for me to accept that with easy child. difficult child is so vulnerable in so many ways, I still have to tuck difficult child in at night and we say our I love yous every night, no matter how bad the day has been. I almost lost it tonight.

    Klmno, what you have gone through and how the system has failed your son? I don't want that for my difficult child, and I hope your difficult child can do better in the future. I really appreciate your pointing out
    How fortunate we are and still acknowledging how hard this is.

    He is my baby, and will always be.
  7. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    It helped me to go and tour the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) before putting difficult child 1 in. I asked questions and took someone with me for support. It really helped me to know the safety measures they put in place and what therapies they use to get the child home. I also asked the question what is the maximum amount of time difficult child 1 would stay. And what would happen if he hadn't changed by that time. Luckily for us he did change.
  8. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I understand, CM. I still see my son, write him, and love him. He'll always be my baby, too! And maybe that's because I know how vunerable and mislead he was, too. He wasn't a tyrant as a youngster and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that a life of crime was not what he was born to lead or the most potential he has and I know he had empathy and a conscious. And I'm sure you are having a ton of those mixed emotions right now, too. Exhaust any and all possibilities with your son in your home before sending him anywhere, if you can. If the only thing you have left that seems sensible is Residential Treatment Center (RTC), then just remember (and remind him), this isn't the same thing as abandonment- you'll always be his mom.
  9. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    L...touring is not an option I financially have. All of the rtcs are a 3 to 4 hour trip one way. I know where I don't want to go, and know of one a friends had her son in and it helped him. I am shooting for that one.

    K..we have done all we can in the home. I don't know what else there is to do. I don't feel it us safe to do a medication wash here, and that is what he needs.
  10. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Just sending hugs, CM.
  11. buddy

    buddy New Member

    thinking of you... sometimes things are just not fair. I know is not fair, but why the kids? I hope difficult child has the shortest possible effective stay. :flower:
  12. pepperidge

    pepperidge New Member

    CM--When we sent my son away, he was still young enough that there were many nights that he still wanted me to rub his back at night to help him fall asleep. It was heart wrenching to see him leave and wonder if he could survive. But they have a way of growing up. You know all the reasons that you need to do it. I hope it helps him. Really, it will get easier. It is way better to do this while you still have a good relationship with him and he hasn't done anything to land himself in the justice system. Hang tough, this is really the worst part right now, as you know but he fortunately probably doesn't. You will likely be very sad for a few days after he leaves, and then sad for a while, and then you and easy child will do some of the healing that needs to be done. I think there are angels looking out for you. You deserve them....
    Last edited: Oct 24, 2011
  13. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Thank you pepper. I know this is what he needs, and I know that out is better to do it now, and I am sure that once easy child and I adjust the break will be nice. I all honesty he had been out of control for awhile. psychiatrist and therapist mentioned doing a medication wash this summer, but it was after mom had her knee replacement done and I was already taking care of her. i had thought I couldwait untill next summer, but there is no way he can go that long.
  14. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    therapist emailed last night. She is in agreement with psychiatrist as to placement and she will call wrap coordinator who is making arrangements. Now after that we just have to have a facility accept him.......i don't think that should be too much of a problem given he is doubly insured, butt I don't know how hard it is to find a bed.
  15. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, Crazymama, I feel for you. Know that you are doing the right thing, and that it will give everyone a break. You can still stay in touch. You are not abandoning him, just finding people who can help him and direct him.
    I may have to go this path someday, too.
  16. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    (((Hugs))) Please remind me how old your children are.
  17. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Cody is 13, ashlea is 15
  18. keista

    keista New Member

    Just adding my ((((HUGS))))) and support.
  19. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    ((((hugs)))) and prayers.
  20. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    No news today, I suspect we are rating on tdocs reports.....she does well with difficult child but can kinds be a flake.....i know she has her own difficult child too. I should her called by weep coordinator tomorrow, I have some questions.

    I figured out why pcs therapist has not called me, hippaa. She is old enough to have to sign a release to have therapist talk to me. We have an appointment thursday if I am not taking difficult child to Residential Treatment Center (RTC). I have no idea how long out takes to get set up.

    And of course he is being an angel so far tonight. It won't lady long, and no, he does not know about this.