Residential Treatment Center (RTC) wants to send her home

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by JJJ, Jan 17, 2009.

  1. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    So much for "we won't send her home until you agree she is ready". They are estimating sending her home to us this summer. They also slammed us for not visiting enough or allowing her to see her siblings. Um, she threatened to shoot her brother as recently as December.

    She does well in the super-structured environment of an Residential Treatment Center (RTC). She is not going to do well at home. I'm so frustrated.
  2. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    What are they thinking? After how much you and the rest of the family have been through! These kids, Kanga included have been healing, now they just want to rip it all up and throw it away?
    Why bother trying at all?
    Ugh, you have got to be more than frustrated!
    Can you do anything to stop this process?
    Yeah, I know they will wait until she is home and until something happens again. Such a sad situation.
    I am sorry
  3. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry. With her threats to hurt the family as recently as Dec, can you lobby for keeping her in there longer? IF it is a funding issue, call the Governor's office. You might get some help there.

    Gentle hugs to all of you, this must be scary and worrisome.
  4. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat


    Oh, no no no.
  5. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Totoro - That is exactly what they say. We need to put the family back together for more intensive visits so that they can "see" what happens.

    Susie - um, the governor's office? did I mention I live in Illinois? LOL

    After a good night's sleep, husband pointed out that maybe they are just saying this to force us to allow siblings visits to start (something we have fought against as she still wants them dead at least some of the time).

    Fine, they win. If the choice is to have her home because we don't agree with them (where she'd be living with her siblings) or starting sibling visits before we feel anyone is ready, we'll take the lesser of two evils.
  6. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    Question, have you seen any forward progress with Kanga at all? Has there been and "healing"? Doing well in a structured enviornment is one thing, but the ultimate goal is to reintroduce the kids into their families and society.

    If they are not doing everything they can to make sure your daughter is able to come home, they shouldn't hold you to forcing your other children into a situation that can potentially hurt them. However, seems your hands are tied here and you have to choose that lesser of two evils. Dumb.

    Positive thoughts as you begin these visits.

  7. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    JJJ, having been through something like this minus the threats to siblings, I would step back and ask some questions.
    Are sibs willing to participate?
    Are they afraid of being with her? Is she verbally, physically, emotionally abusive to the others?
    Helping difficult child is a priority. Helping the other kids have a home without fear is a priority too. They don't get to decide what is in your childrens best interest. Work with them to help difficult child. Visit as often as they suggest but don't be afraid to advocate for your other kids to this Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and don't be afraid to say "no" once in a while for a visit if another big family event is going on. Everyone's life does not stop because difficult child is struggling.

    Ask what difficult child has to accomplish to be considered ready for discharge. Get it in writing. Make sure they don't discharge before meeting goals.
    Protect the siblings as well as difficult child.
  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    JJJ, oh, I can hear your fear and frustration. I don't blame you.

    I think you may be stuck playing their game, just to stave off her release.
    I would also use this time to find another place for her, even permanently, and work on sources of funding.

    At least they gave you a head's up!
  9. slsh

    slsh member since 1999


    Had to chuckle - contact gov's office, LOL!!! :rofl:

    Seriously though.... sigh. It's so hard because if you don't allow sib visits, you get slammed, but if you do then you have to deal with- the fallout from that. Personally, at one point forcing sib visits with- thank you was tantamount to abuse of sibs in my humble opinion. But getting Residential Treatment Center (RTC) staff to understand that is hard. To this day, I still say adamantly "no" when family therapy is suggested. husband and I might consider participating (esp if thank you ends up back home) but sibs' participation is based on their wishes, period. I won't ever force that again.

    I'm stunned they're talking discharge, especially since there have been no home visits must less contact with- sibs. I suggest getting the home visits started - I know you think she isn't ready but the only way Residential Treatment Center (RTC) has a chance of getting it is to see her in action. I'd ask for support staff to be available if there's a problem - either thru county or Residential Treatment Center (RTC) (preferrably Residential Treatment Center (RTC)).

    Have they started on a discharge plan? If not, that needs to be done. I've heard the county has more resources than last time thank you was home but.... Residential Treatment Center (RTC) needs to understand that "more" isn't much and we live in a service-wasteland. That has to be considered when they're talking discharge. To say nothing of the education situation, etc.

    If worse comes to worse, go to the head of ICG. He's very receptive and helpful, you know.

    Just out of perverse curiosity, what makes Residential Treatment Center (RTC) think she's ready?

    Hang in there. At the very least, you have the grant in place now. It's a huge safety net.
  10. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry. I hope that they come to their senses about sending her home so soon and about forcing the visits. I can see where the others would be very scared to visit. Hugs.
  11. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Sending warrior mom strength your way to help you fight yet another battle.

  12. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    Is there any way they would place her in a therapeutic foster home first to see if she can maintain in that family before trying to reunite her with yours? I can't believe they can't see the effects of what has happened on the whole family, not just Kanga, I hope something works out.
  13. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Oh, no.

    Sending hugs and strength.
  14. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Triple J,

    Like Sue, I had to hold my ground on home visits between the tweedles. The few times it happened the fallout was awful. I believe we had a couple of "family" therapy sessions at Residential Treatment Center (RTC) with wm & the therapists (there were 3) were overwhelmed & shut the session down.

    Sometimes I think Residential Treatment Center (RTC) staff really need to be a "part" of & witness the harmful consequences of siblings interactions ~ especially the sibling in Residential Treatment Center (RTC). That sibling is the end all be all ~ that sibling is give a great deal of power over the family & it's wrong.

    You have the wisdom to sort this out.
  15. Janna

    Janna New Member

    Sounds exactly, I mean exactly, what I've dealt with over the last 13 or 14 years with B. Wow. I'm sorry, J.

    Residential Treatment Facility (RTF), in my experience, really isn't helpful. I know that's probably a horrible thing to say. Wait, I'll change that. Residential Treatment Facility (RTF) is helpful for children that recognize they have a problem, *want* to make the change, and are able/willing/ready to make the change. If you don't have that, you got nothin'.

    I've had 2 kids in Residential Treatment Facility (RTF). B has been in 3, Dylan spent 8 months in one, from Sept of 07 to May of 08. Within a week of Dylan's admission, they had his discharge date, and had told him. Ditto with B, twice out of the 3.

    There's different types of Residential Treatment Facility (RTF), of course. The one Dylan was in, it wasn't helpful for him. I wish I knew more prior to putting him in, because they were not what he needed. They were a behavior modification type Residential Treatment Facility (RTF). So, they were good for kids who never had discipline and needed to learn how to listen. But, they aren't good for children that have true mental illness. You have college kids working in the house with the kids, that may or may not remember to write down the issues of the day/evening for all 9 kids. Then, the therapist for all the kids goes and grabs their charts, to read up on what the staff may or may not have written down. Then the therapist reports what she can to the psychiatrist, who might give her 15 minutes to run down all the children. Then the psychiatrist spends 10 minutes once a month with your child and, basically, copycats whatever the psychiatric evaluation is that your child comes in with.

    I had to stay on this Residential Treatment Facility (RTF) like flies on poop. Seriously. One time, Dylan was hallucinating from a medication (Luvox, an antidepressant, that he did NOT belong on LOL) - smearing feces all over the wall in the bathroom. Staff calls me. Tells me. Forgets to write it down. Never gets to therapist. Never gets to psychiatrist. If I wouldn't have known.....You really, really need to stay on top of EVERYTHING. I'm sure you do.

    All 4 Residential Treatment Facility (RTF)'s I've dealt with have been bogus. If the child does well there, they assume it's issues with parenting, family stressors, other kids in the household, whatever. It's never just THE KID. They never stop and think, hey, this CHILD is disrupting the entire family and what can we do? No. They want to jam family therapy down your throat. I fully, adamantly always refuse family therapies. Unless you feel like your entire family is falling apart, they need to work on the child.

    So, do they have a treatment plan? What, exactly is the plan? When is the discharge date? What if she's not ready at the discharge date?

    They tried to be slick with Dylan. I let em have it, and just brought him home. I mean, if the place isn't going to do what you need it to, what is the purpose? So, what they said to me was, if you're not ready to have him home, we can put him in "theraputic" foster care! LMAO! Hey, I dunno, J, if you remember the nightmare I went through with Brandon and "theraputic" foster care, but that wasn't an option here. So, maybe that's what your Residential Treatment Facility (RTF) is thinking?

    Interestingly enough, I spoke recently with a director at a very reputable Residential Treatment Facility (RTF) about 2 hours from me a few weeks ago. Not for any of my children, but for something I'm doing for school. He said to me, ANY Residential Treatment Facility (RTF) that would give you a discharge date up front, I'd stay away from. To me, that's good advice (and his agency doesn't do that).

    I wish I had advice for you, but I've been burned by so many that I have nothing but negativity for them. I wish you alot of luck, though.