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General Parenting
Residential Treatment for Non-Extreme Cases?
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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 654604" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>Hi there. Your question really got me thinking.... My son was in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) from age 9 to age 16 and then went to a transitional living program (TLP, supposed to prepare him for adulthood - NOT) from 16 to 18. My gut reaction to your question was do *not* send him to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) if there is any way to avoid it - and then I was really surprised that I had that reaction. I guess I hadn't really thought about it in a very long time.</p><p></p><p>difficult child was in 3 RTCs - the first one from age 9-12 was geared toward the younger kids. I think 13 was the oldest a child could be. The thinking behind that was children have different abilities/issues/cognitive development/behavior from teens and hopefully by keeping them away from a teen population, it might be easier to address things. He was discharged at age 12, came home for I think 6 weeks, was hospitalized once or twice during that time, then moved on to Residential Treatment Center (RTC) #2. Residential Treatment Center (RTC) #2 was simply awful. He was there for 11 months before I pulled him out due to, quite frankly, abuse by staff. It was shut down a couple months later by the state. He lasted another 6 weeks at home, with his usual revolving door hospitalizations, and ended up in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) #3, which was a locked facility (only one in this state) and ... well, they tried with him. We won't even discuss the TLP which was horrible because it was a client-driven program, meaning my difficult child got to decide what he was going to do (or not). So let's just skip talking about the TLP. </p><p></p><p>Based on our experience with 2 good RTCs and 1 snake pit, I think my caution to parents considering Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is that no Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is going to raise your child the way you would. There are so many things that were done extremely differently by staff, even at the good RTCs. Even with visits every weekend, I think my son suffered from a lack of actual parenting. Does that make sense? </p><p></p><p>I guess a better way to put it is that an Residential Treatment Center (RTC), in our experience, is an institution and is run that way. Absolutely there will be staff who will be caring and concerned, but there will also be staff who are there for the paycheck and unfortunately there may also be staff there who have their own issues and ... well, should never be allowed near a kid. I think you also have to understand that a pretty big proportion of kids in RTCs may be wards of the state, which means staff may not be prepared and/or willing to communicate with an involved parent as much as you may like. And - let's face it - most kids in RTCs are the absolute worst case scenario - either horrifically abused/neglected, severely ill, or completely out of control. </p><p></p><p>Education is not going to happen in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC). It's really as plain as that. IEP be darned, they will teach to lowest common denominator and only when the behaviors of *all* the kids allow. If your kid has got it together in school right now, I would think long and hard before changing that.</p><p></p><p>Now, my kid was most definitely an extreme case. He was hospitalized 16 times before he left for Residential Treatment Center (RTC) #1. I stopped counting hospitalizations when he hit #25, somewhere around age 16. He was extremely violent towards not only hubby and me but also his sibs. By the time he left for Residential Treatment Center (RTC) #1, the only utensils not padlocked in a tool box were spoons. My home decor wasn't Martha Stewart - it was "what will hurt least when difficult child launches it at my head." He was equally violent in school, having broken a teacher's arm at age 9. We were on a first-name basis with the police and EMTs in our town. He was a mess. We were too.</p><p></p><p>Residential Treatment Center (RTC) did not help him, at least not in an immediate sense. Yes, there were folks who were not completely burnt out, who were able to handle his meltdowns and never-ending behaviors, but .... for my kid, anyway, nothing occurred that made it possible for him to live at home again as a child. Nothing got fixed. Residential Treatment Center (RTC) #3 actually had to resort to chemical restraints (a shot of Ativan) for a while to manage him.</p><p></p><p>What Residential Treatment Center (RTC) *did* do was save my other kids. Not that they don't have some pretty significant emotional scars from life with difficult child, but it would have been *so* much worse if he had lived here his entire childhood. To be brutally honest, that's really all Residential Treatment Center (RTC) did for us and difficult child - kept him from annihilating every member of this family, including himself.</p><p></p><p>Now, I know that Fran (long-term member and former owner of the board) sent her son to an "emotional growth boarding school." I wish I could remember the details of that, but he went for 18 months and then I believe was able to live at home for the remainder of his childhood. That might be something that would be more appropriate for your kiddo.</p><p></p><p>I truly remember how utterly exhausting it is to live with a difficult child whose sole mission in life seems to be to create chaos and turmoil. Seems like all I did for years was put out fires (figurative only, thank goodness) and make sure the other kids were safe. It's emotionally exhausting and so much more. I really do feel for you. Home-based services were pretty much nonexistent in my day, but certainly respite sounds like it would be very helpful both for you and your ex. Maybe a special needs summer camp also? Mentoring? </p><p></p><p>If I had to do it again, we would still have to go the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) route, if only to protect the other kids - but *only* to protect my other kids. It was not a good way for my difficult child to grow up and there are still moments when he will share something from his childhood that just makes me ill. We had no choice - and he was unable/unwilling to change his behaviors to make it possible to live at home. But we are talking about really severe violence in my kid's case. I would just very strongly caution parents to make sure they have completely exhausted every possible resource at home before going the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) route.</p><p></p><p>On a positive note, my kid is doing pretty darn well now. I wish his childhood could have been different, but it is what it is.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 654604, member: 8"] Hi there. Your question really got me thinking.... My son was in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) from age 9 to age 16 and then went to a transitional living program (TLP, supposed to prepare him for adulthood - NOT) from 16 to 18. My gut reaction to your question was do *not* send him to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) if there is any way to avoid it - and then I was really surprised that I had that reaction. I guess I hadn't really thought about it in a very long time. difficult child was in 3 RTCs - the first one from age 9-12 was geared toward the younger kids. I think 13 was the oldest a child could be. The thinking behind that was children have different abilities/issues/cognitive development/behavior from teens and hopefully by keeping them away from a teen population, it might be easier to address things. He was discharged at age 12, came home for I think 6 weeks, was hospitalized once or twice during that time, then moved on to Residential Treatment Center (RTC) #2. Residential Treatment Center (RTC) #2 was simply awful. He was there for 11 months before I pulled him out due to, quite frankly, abuse by staff. It was shut down a couple months later by the state. He lasted another 6 weeks at home, with his usual revolving door hospitalizations, and ended up in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) #3, which was a locked facility (only one in this state) and ... well, they tried with him. We won't even discuss the TLP which was horrible because it was a client-driven program, meaning my difficult child got to decide what he was going to do (or not). So let's just skip talking about the TLP. Based on our experience with 2 good RTCs and 1 snake pit, I think my caution to parents considering Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is that no Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is going to raise your child the way you would. There are so many things that were done extremely differently by staff, even at the good RTCs. Even with visits every weekend, I think my son suffered from a lack of actual parenting. Does that make sense? I guess a better way to put it is that an Residential Treatment Center (RTC), in our experience, is an institution and is run that way. Absolutely there will be staff who will be caring and concerned, but there will also be staff who are there for the paycheck and unfortunately there may also be staff there who have their own issues and ... well, should never be allowed near a kid. I think you also have to understand that a pretty big proportion of kids in RTCs may be wards of the state, which means staff may not be prepared and/or willing to communicate with an involved parent as much as you may like. And - let's face it - most kids in RTCs are the absolute worst case scenario - either horrifically abused/neglected, severely ill, or completely out of control. Education is not going to happen in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC). It's really as plain as that. IEP be darned, they will teach to lowest common denominator and only when the behaviors of *all* the kids allow. If your kid has got it together in school right now, I would think long and hard before changing that. Now, my kid was most definitely an extreme case. He was hospitalized 16 times before he left for Residential Treatment Center (RTC) #1. I stopped counting hospitalizations when he hit #25, somewhere around age 16. He was extremely violent towards not only hubby and me but also his sibs. By the time he left for Residential Treatment Center (RTC) #1, the only utensils not padlocked in a tool box were spoons. My home decor wasn't Martha Stewart - it was "what will hurt least when difficult child launches it at my head." He was equally violent in school, having broken a teacher's arm at age 9. We were on a first-name basis with the police and EMTs in our town. He was a mess. We were too. Residential Treatment Center (RTC) did not help him, at least not in an immediate sense. Yes, there were folks who were not completely burnt out, who were able to handle his meltdowns and never-ending behaviors, but .... for my kid, anyway, nothing occurred that made it possible for him to live at home again as a child. Nothing got fixed. Residential Treatment Center (RTC) #3 actually had to resort to chemical restraints (a shot of Ativan) for a while to manage him. What Residential Treatment Center (RTC) *did* do was save my other kids. Not that they don't have some pretty significant emotional scars from life with difficult child, but it would have been *so* much worse if he had lived here his entire childhood. To be brutally honest, that's really all Residential Treatment Center (RTC) did for us and difficult child - kept him from annihilating every member of this family, including himself. Now, I know that Fran (long-term member and former owner of the board) sent her son to an "emotional growth boarding school." I wish I could remember the details of that, but he went for 18 months and then I believe was able to live at home for the remainder of his childhood. That might be something that would be more appropriate for your kiddo. I truly remember how utterly exhausting it is to live with a difficult child whose sole mission in life seems to be to create chaos and turmoil. Seems like all I did for years was put out fires (figurative only, thank goodness) and make sure the other kids were safe. It's emotionally exhausting and so much more. I really do feel for you. Home-based services were pretty much nonexistent in my day, but certainly respite sounds like it would be very helpful both for you and your ex. Maybe a special needs summer camp also? Mentoring? If I had to do it again, we would still have to go the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) route, if only to protect the other kids - but *only* to protect my other kids. It was not a good way for my difficult child to grow up and there are still moments when he will share something from his childhood that just makes me ill. We had no choice - and he was unable/unwilling to change his behaviors to make it possible to live at home. But we are talking about really severe violence in my kid's case. I would just very strongly caution parents to make sure they have completely exhausted every possible resource at home before going the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) route. On a positive note, my kid is doing pretty darn well now. I wish his childhood could have been different, but it is what it is. [/QUOTE]
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