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Residential Treatment for Non-Extreme Cases?
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<blockquote data-quote="firehorsewoman" data-source="post: 654654" data-attributes="member: 15804"><p>We have been laying it out for him. His therapist is great. Last year when he was living with me he was going at least weekly. Since he has been going there for nine years and we are all satisfied (as best as we can be) with his current diagnosis and medications the main focus is helping him. We are no longer spending so much time trying to figure out the basics. So, yes, the therapist and his p-doctor do lay it out for him. Even weekly didn't help so we backed down to monthly because he was missing too much school and that was stressing him out. This has been the main issue that we all have been working on...how his behavior is affecting the family. His therapist spelled it out quite clearly for him last week, Still, how can one really be sure these kids are aware on the level they need to be to make changes? I mean, that is part of their problem...some disconnect in the wiring it seems.</p><p></p><p>She explained to him once again that all children must obey rules and listen to their parents and most kids are not too keen on that idea. i.e. that it's not just him. He tends towards the "I have such a horrible life" and it always everyone else's fault, etc. Blames his stepmother, sister, etc. That we are all out to get him. That WE never follow the therapy advice but are "happy" when she gives him behavioral techniques, journals, work-sheets, breathing exercises, any technique really to work on because it is more work for him. He says that we are happy to burden him. She explained quite well why HE needs to be doing most of the work and that she doesn't buy that we aren't following her advice and doing our part. He likes her and she has been great in my opinion. Last week she got firm with him. Gentle yet firm. So, yes, he has had this all spelled out. And he is a smart kid. Very manipulative and cunning as well.</p><p></p><p>I wouldn't call how he behaves at school "serene" LOL nor productive LOL. It is a total struggle to get him to do assignments, turn in and not lose homework, etc. He gets excellent grades in spite of that though. When the p-doctor and therapist asked him why he can now (wasn't always the case) hold it together at school, he replied, "Because I can be my real self at school." I almost fell out of my chair. "His real self?" I think it is the opposite. I think he has to hold it in all day and he gets to unload once he is at home. Also, as he has gotten older and more academically advanced, I do believe his teachers are more tolerant. When a kid misses only on question total on the state standardized tests it makes the teacher and the school look good. I don't think it is a coincidence that his teachers became more tolerant and he has had less issues once he got to second grade. I may be cynical but I think they are more willing to deal with a difficult kid that makes them look good. The schools sure weren't tolerant of him when he was in preK and lower grades in elementary before he started academically standing out from his peers. </p><p></p><p> And yes, he is included in this discussion in both homes. It's not like the big elephant in the room that nobody talks about. That nonsense ended many years ago. It is the main focus of both homes all day and every day even when we try our best to make it not be. "It" usually wins. That's one of the main problems with "it." It just won't let us be. There is no escaping it. When he was a baby or toddler or younger child and we were trying everything under the sun, when he was getting kicked out of school after school, all the phone calls from principals, all of the different doctor appointments, then got a divorce, finally got a diagnosis that fits, got him on medications that helped tremendously, maybe at that time there was not the discussion with him. It would have been premature. But the past two years or so he has been included all of the way. Last year when he came to live with me was an intense time. He didn't want to leave his father's house. But it was made quite clear to him the reason why he was sent to live with me. His sister and stepmother were at the end of their ropes. He is included in the discussions. The reason he doesn't know about the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) idea (at least I think that he doesn't know-still haven't heard from his dad-he may have told him) is because his therapist and p-doctor came to that conclusion after our appointments with them last week and only e-mailed that recommendation to his father and me this past Friday afternoon.</p><p></p><p>None of us want to sacrifice him for the rest of the family but that is a tough decision most of us here are faced with it isn't it? There is no good answer. We all know that. And that is what sucks the most. </p><p></p><p>Thank you for identifying with him. I love him. His father loves him. Like most of you we are just helping our difficult children battle their demons. But it is not easy. And we have others we love and care about (not to mention ourselves!) who are suffering. It is a tough position to be in. You all get that. Most people don't.</p><p></p><p>Thanks again,</p><p>FHW</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="firehorsewoman, post: 654654, member: 15804"] We have been laying it out for him. His therapist is great. Last year when he was living with me he was going at least weekly. Since he has been going there for nine years and we are all satisfied (as best as we can be) with his current diagnosis and medications the main focus is helping him. We are no longer spending so much time trying to figure out the basics. So, yes, the therapist and his p-doctor do lay it out for him. Even weekly didn't help so we backed down to monthly because he was missing too much school and that was stressing him out. This has been the main issue that we all have been working on...how his behavior is affecting the family. His therapist spelled it out quite clearly for him last week, Still, how can one really be sure these kids are aware on the level they need to be to make changes? I mean, that is part of their problem...some disconnect in the wiring it seems. She explained to him once again that all children must obey rules and listen to their parents and most kids are not too keen on that idea. i.e. that it's not just him. He tends towards the "I have such a horrible life" and it always everyone else's fault, etc. Blames his stepmother, sister, etc. That we are all out to get him. That WE never follow the therapy advice but are "happy" when she gives him behavioral techniques, journals, work-sheets, breathing exercises, any technique really to work on because it is more work for him. He says that we are happy to burden him. She explained quite well why HE needs to be doing most of the work and that she doesn't buy that we aren't following her advice and doing our part. He likes her and she has been great in my opinion. Last week she got firm with him. Gentle yet firm. So, yes, he has had this all spelled out. And he is a smart kid. Very manipulative and cunning as well. I wouldn't call how he behaves at school "serene" LOL nor productive LOL. It is a total struggle to get him to do assignments, turn in and not lose homework, etc. He gets excellent grades in spite of that though. When the p-doctor and therapist asked him why he can now (wasn't always the case) hold it together at school, he replied, "Because I can be my real self at school." I almost fell out of my chair. "His real self?" I think it is the opposite. I think he has to hold it in all day and he gets to unload once he is at home. Also, as he has gotten older and more academically advanced, I do believe his teachers are more tolerant. When a kid misses only on question total on the state standardized tests it makes the teacher and the school look good. I don't think it is a coincidence that his teachers became more tolerant and he has had less issues once he got to second grade. I may be cynical but I think they are more willing to deal with a difficult kid that makes them look good. The schools sure weren't tolerant of him when he was in preK and lower grades in elementary before he started academically standing out from his peers. And yes, he is included in this discussion in both homes. It's not like the big elephant in the room that nobody talks about. That nonsense ended many years ago. It is the main focus of both homes all day and every day even when we try our best to make it not be. "It" usually wins. That's one of the main problems with "it." It just won't let us be. There is no escaping it. When he was a baby or toddler or younger child and we were trying everything under the sun, when he was getting kicked out of school after school, all the phone calls from principals, all of the different doctor appointments, then got a divorce, finally got a diagnosis that fits, got him on medications that helped tremendously, maybe at that time there was not the discussion with him. It would have been premature. But the past two years or so he has been included all of the way. Last year when he came to live with me was an intense time. He didn't want to leave his father's house. But it was made quite clear to him the reason why he was sent to live with me. His sister and stepmother were at the end of their ropes. He is included in the discussions. The reason he doesn't know about the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) idea (at least I think that he doesn't know-still haven't heard from his dad-he may have told him) is because his therapist and p-doctor came to that conclusion after our appointments with them last week and only e-mailed that recommendation to his father and me this past Friday afternoon. None of us want to sacrifice him for the rest of the family but that is a tough decision most of us here are faced with it isn't it? There is no good answer. We all know that. And that is what sucks the most. Thank you for identifying with him. I love him. His father loves him. Like most of you we are just helping our difficult children battle their demons. But it is not easy. And we have others we love and care about (not to mention ourselves!) who are suffering. It is a tough position to be in. You all get that. Most people don't. Thanks again, FHW [/QUOTE]
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