Results from last week's psychiatric evaluation

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by JKF, Oct 19, 2011.

  1. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    After speaking with the CMO yesterday, I was finally informed that after an extensive psychiatric evaluation of my son, the psychiatrist has recommended that he not return home...ever. He said that difficult child is not willing or able to work through his anger issues at this point. He said difficult child is mentally 11 years old when it comes to impulse control and anger management and things of that nature. I asked the Dr. if difficult child was possibly bipolar (which I DEF think he is) and he said he may be and that he shows a lot of traits of BiPolar (BP). He said that difficult child's history may have something to do with his actions though and that he's hesitant to diagnose BiPolar (BP) at this point! ***SIGH***

    So at this point, if difficult child refuses to return to the PCR after this latest hospitalization, he will be going to an IRTS program. The IRTS program is more secure and structured than the PCR so I think it may be best anyway. He will not be able to run away from this program. After that, they are recommending independent living if difficult child is stable enough at that point to maintain.

    Of course I'm still feeling major guilt after EVERYTHING that difficult child has put us through. He hasn't had an easy life and I know that his past has a lot to do with the way he is now. I keep trying to tell him that the past is just that...the past. He has a whole future ahead of him and he needs to work through his problems so he can have a successful life. Seems to go in one ear and out the other but maybe someday it will finally sink in and he will realize that only HE can change his situation.
  2. Chaosuncontained

    Chaosuncontained New Member

    Reading stories like yours puts so much fear in my heart. As mom of a boy who is diagnosis with ADHD, Depression, Mood Disorder and Severe Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)--I get so scared.

    I can NOT imagine the pain you must be feeling.

    I am so confused. WHY can't the Psychiatrist not diagnosis him with Bipolar? How many "traits" do you have to have to get the diagnosis? You can have depression and have Bipolar. Have ADHD and have Bipolar...

    I hope he shows inprovement with going back to PCR or IRTS (by the way, I have no idea what either one is...but I am assuming a treatment facility?).

    I am so sorry you have to deal with this. Best Wishes.
  3. keista

    keista New Member

    :choir: So glad to hear the recommendation. Maybe the "permanent" distance from you will do him some good. I get the guilt, but you have and are doing EVERYTHING you can to the very best of your ability. That is really all we can expect of ourselves.

    I too hope that one day it does sink in for him. Will continue to hope and pray for him, but am glad you and the rest of the family will get to move forward with out the constant fear that he will be sent back to you.

  4. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    You can't feel guilty for the way he is. I know it's easier said than done since I find myself doing the hindsight thing. NO ONE can predict the future. We can only deal with things as they are now with the information we have at the time. I like the recommendation. It basically says not to count on difficult child coming home but don't completely rule it out either. In order to turn his life around, he needs to SEE that his behavior is the cause first. Many of our difficult children will never accept responsibility for their actions. It is so much easier to blame others.

    Do what you can for YOU. Let them help him. Plan for the worst and hope & pray for the best. Sending comforting and supportive {{{{(((HUGS)))}}}} your way.
  5. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Ditto, Tedo....with my added caring thoughts and hugs. DDD
  6. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    I'm trying not to feel guilty. But then it hits me...HARD. I realize that he'll never have a "normal" life. He didn't get to have the childhood that every child should be entitled to. He didn't get to do things that KIDS need to do in order to thrive. A big part of it is my fault. I was SO young and SO stupid that I honestly believed that he'd be better off living with his bio-dad and step mother. I never realized until years later just how physically and mentally abusive bio-dad really was!! I've tried explaining the situation to difficult child but all he has is anger and blame towards me. And rightfully so. I just wish he could let go of the anger and move on. I've been trying to do everything in my power to help him and nothing works!

    On a side note - just got a call from their bio-dad's brother. Apparently bio-dad, who is in prison for armed robbery, is VERY sick. They think cancer. Not sure what I should do regarding this situation but I don't know if difficult child can take that news right now. He has expressed so many times how much he HATES his father and wants him to die but I know that deep down he loves him even after everything bio-dad put him through.
  7. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I am so sorry for your pain. You have done all you can do to pull through an impossible situation. We all can look back and say if I had only known. But you know all that. You are just having what anyone would have, normal mommy-heart ache. I am glad he will be somewhere safe. If his EQ is really around 11 then he has a way to go to develop emotionally. I hope in time, as this all settles in you will have some lovely times to make memories with your other child and your husband. You are still his mom, just parenting him in a different way. The way that is best for him right now.

    All my love and care...Buddy
  8. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Lordy, I sure wouldn't share the news about bioDad. There is no way to know if he actually is terminal and it would put your difficult child in a tailspin even contemplating that issue. DDD
  9. keista

    keista New Member

    I would discuss the news about biodad with a psychiatrist or therapist, once difficult child gets assigned a good one. He will need support processing that information.

    As far as guilt is concerned. I have one thing to say. There is NO guarantee that if you had done things differently, that there would have been a more positive outcome. Certainly possible, BUT if you consider how randomly things happen in life, it is equally possible that if you had followed a different path, things would have turned out worse.

  10. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    I'd definitely share with therapist/psychiatrist when appropriate.
    Some of these kids have a 6th sense about things like this, and it might be part of what is actually going on.
  11. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    It isn't just the psychiatric issues, her son suffered through a lot of abuse as did many (not all) of the more violent kiddos on this board. While some kids have totally perfect childhoods and then fall off the deep end it is far more common when they are abuse survivors.

    It is because if the psychiatrist feels that the abuse is the primary factor then PTSD would be the diagnosis, not biploar. We've been round and round with this re: Kanga. Two psychiatrists ago argues very fiercely that she was "just" PTSD. Since the therapy is different, psychiatrists usually want to figure out which one it is, or which one is primary.
  12. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    This is so true.
    We have a fairly extreme difficult child... its taken 10 years to get to the bottom of the issues - and in fact, no actual psychiatric issues once the real issues came to be known and understood and accommodated. (we did deal with major psychosis... but it was ALL secondary)
    BUT... no abuse, and no brain injury. So, as we peeled back layer after layer... it was possible to get to the bottom of it.

    I'm not an expert, but I do believe strongly that most kids with "natural" issues (things they are born with or born prone to) can be turned around. When abuse comes into the picture, all bets are off and it can go either way. Brain injury is the other major wild card.
  13. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    The abuse that difficult child suffered from at the hands of my ex definitely plays a huge factor in his mental health. He is so angry and it consumes him. He's always had problems, even way before the abuse began, but that pushed him over the edge. Like I said, I blame myself a lot but I can't change the past. All I can do now is try to do what's best for difficult child so that he can move forward and have a successful future. He has so many more years ahead of him than he has behind him and if he's willing to work at it I will work with him to resolve some of the issues he has regarding the past.