ReWriting His Baptism - BACKFIRED

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by susiestar, Jan 24, 2012.

  1. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Wiz is the only one of my kids baptized in the Catholic Church. husband wanted it and the local priest agreed to do it even though I refused to go through confirmation. He was an angel through it and cooed when hte water was put on his head. He LOVED water then.

    The last ten or so years Wiz had made all sorts of claims that we had him secretly exorcised (husband thought about it a few times, but it NEVER happened), etc.... He even has claimed that when he was baptized the holy water made him scream and it burned.

    MY idiot son does NOT know when to shut up sometimes. husband recently saw him at the bookstore talkign with friends. Wiz was telling them ALL about how he screamed and the holy water burned and he had plastic surgery to fix the scars, blah blah blah. husband came up and told the REAL story - how he was an angel through it, how cute he was, how he cooed and laughed when the water was put on his head, etc....

    It was SO FUNNY. EVERY relative who was there told him what we did. It is in his baby book about how sweet it was and there is a photo of a very very happy looking baby as he was baptized.

    I guess to be cool you have to rewrite baptism, but you shouldn't do it where the people who remember it can blow you out of the water with the truth!!

    There were some comments on his facebook for a while about how funny his friends thought it was. Tyler has also told his friends ALLLLLLLL about it, lol!!!!! Wiz sold him on the "I'm cursed by God" koi years ago, so thank you, who loves church, has been having a BLAST with this story.
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I guess you're pretty hard up when you have to pretend to be the spawn of satan to prove how tough you are? :rofl:

    Ahhh, to have been a fly on the wall.
  3. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Actually, if it was done correctly, he was exorcised.

    89. During the Sacrament of Baptism, the Priest says two prayers of Exorcism.

    90. The first one is said after the reading of the Gospel. During that prayer, the Priest commands any impure spirits who might be present to depart from the person to be baptised. This process is to purify the physical body of the believer. The spiritual body does not need purification because a new creation will be born when the sinful one dies.

    91. The second prayer of Exorcism is called "Ephpheta." (Ephpheta means 'Be opened') After the prayer, the Priest touches the ears and mouth of the child with his thumb. He then says, "The Lord Jesus made the deaf hear and the dumb speak. May He soon touch your e
    ars to receive His Word, and your mouth to proclaim His faith, to the praise and glory of God the Father."

  4. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator


    What's funny is that Duckie was the exact opposite at her baptism: she screamed incessantly from the time we left for church up until the moment the priest dribbled her forehead with holy water. She immediately stopped screaming and glared mercilessly at the priest. The congregation still talks about her baptism, lol!
  5. svengandhi

    svengandhi Well-Known Member

    I am Jewish and so are my kids; H is Catholic. When oldest boy was a toddler and my daughter was 5 mos. old, H was asked to sponsor a friend who was a convert to Catholicism. We attended the ceremony and were placed in the first pew. When my son saw the communion wafers, he began screaming for "geekie and nonnie" which was how he said candy and cookies (don't ask because I have no clue where he came up with those names). As soon as I had him quiet, the priest began to recite a prayer about renouncing Satan. Every time he said "Satan," my daughter made the loudest Bronx cheer (aka raspberry but I'm actually from the Bronx) you ever heard. She did it 4 times and the audience was hysterical. I, on the other hand, wanted to die of shame. I felt like everyone could see I was Jewish and believed I was blaspheming. I was so happy when we could leave.
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    JJJ, that is NOT the exorcism that Wiz described. His version would have made Hollywood proud. It has evolved over the years to now involve extensive plastic surgery to heal scars from repeated application of Holy Water, his head turning completely around a couple of times (not just once, of course), the priest needed to spend a week in the hospital recovering, this being the "cause" of all my health problems because I was there helping exorcise him, blah blah blah. It is actually pretty funny and quite the mishmash of various stereotypes.

    in my opinion the only thing funnier is the version of a black ritual he came up with when he was about 7. It involved LOTS of black jelly beans and black gumdrops. LOTS, like enough to cover the room like carpet and you had to glue them on the walls with icing. HOW jelly beans relate to ANY ceremony mystifies me, but it made sense to him.

    TM, I am sorry hers was so traumatic. Sounds very much like the baptism of one of my cousins when I was little. Only he blasted out of his diaper and left a big brown glob dripping down the priest and his godmother, then he puked. Poor kid had the flu or something.

    svenghandi, I am sorry it was so difficult for you. The congregation at husband's church (I am agnostic - I believe in God but NOT in organized religion) would have LOVED it and told you what a delight your kids were. The congregation at my family church in OH would have demonized them and made it ugly. So a LOT depends on the congregation. I am willing to bet, from the laughter, that a LOT of people were remembering their own childhoods and truly enjoying your children's reactions. If NOTHING else, you have something to tell your grandchildren when your children are upset about their behavior. In some ways I cannot WAIT until Wiz has a child! In most I can wait a long time, but I am sure he will have a child much like himself. THAT will be fun to watch, in my opinion. Stories like this will be so much fun to tell his children!
  7. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I got a lot of laughs reading this thread! easy child was as quiet as a mouse during her baptism, she was just taking it all in, very much what she is like today. difficult child grimaced and fussed a bit, but mostly just glared (like Duckie) at the pastor and then all of us for subjecting her to the drizzling of water, lol.

    Svenghandi, most kids misbehave in church! And in the catholic church, it's like a breath of fresh air, most people find it charming!

    JJJ, I actually pulled out an old book of my grandmothers because your post rang a bell. In essence, part of the Catholic baptism is like an exorcism, true!

    Susie, like Wiz, my difficult child was a fantastic teller of tall tales. In kindergarten, she forgot something for show and tell, so she decided to talk about the enormous bump on her forehead that was the result of a bug bite (very allergic). She told the class (and inadvertently the school psychologist who happened to be sitting in that day) that I ran her over with the car!!! She spun this elaborate story that had all the kids mesmerized and horrified the teachers and of course, the school psychologist. I got a call at work, omg, how mortifying. She was also born with an extra thumb and used to tell kids about it all the time. Yeah, she'd tell them her dad cut it off!!! I could go on and on. She would probably be a better liar if her stories weren't so ridiculous, lol. Poor Wiz, he's just adding a little drama to an otherwise ho hum run f the mill baptism, lol!
  8. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    You must be so proud!

    And welcome to the Parents of Demon Children Club (And we thought we were the only ones!)....We, too, have apparantly tried numerous times to have our difficult child "exorcised" and "forced" her to go to church where she screamed and cried and begged for mercy at the sheer torment of even entering such a building.

    Who do these kids think they are fooling?
  9. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I knew husband and I had forgotten to do something to Onyxx!!!
  10. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    LMAO Step!
  11. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    ...I meant the exorcism, not the baptism...
  12. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Step, Step, Step, you don't DO the exorcism. The kids do that to themselves.

    WHERE do they get the whole "I am tortured each time I am forced into a church" koi? There MUST be some manual for how to rebel that insists on this as an early step. EVERY kids who wants to rebel around here pulls this koi - and they just eat it up when they tell each other about how their parents tortured them, had them exorcised, etc.... I can remember a couple kids that I went to school with telling us this nonsense. It got old real fast, so a friend and I went and got holy water from the local Catholic church (we asked for it - even offered to pay for it) and didn't just sprinkle it on them, we put it in their lemonade one day. Guess what? They were sooooooo upset after they drank it, we chatted and half an hour later we asked how long they thought it would take for them to react if they actually DRANK holy water? (This was one of the things they would say their parents forced, and how they were so sick, blah blah blah).

    Of course the answer was it was an IMMEDIATE reaction with NO delay because Satan would not tolerate it, blah blah. Then we showed them the proof (photos) of us making the lemonade with holy water.

    I got the reaction I wanted - I never again heard nonsense like that. I know they spouted it to others, but if I walked up, they shut up.

    Then I got a KID who spouted all of it. Wiz DID scream through Mass a LOT. When he was 5, I finally told husband that if he wanted to go to Mass that was HIS problem, not mine. I didn't believe in the whole Catholic religion, he knew it going in, and this was just not a good use of time. Wiz problem was sensory, which we know now. Then all the tdocs, doctors, etc.... said we should just spank him more. I already knew that it wouldn't work, so I just stopped forcing him into situations he couldn't handle. Of course I had sensory problems in this church myself. Their choir was incredibly high-pitched to the point that no one sang along, just listened because you couldn't really. The soloist was my godmother and her voice is incredible - she would have made a fabulous opera singer if she had wanted that life. But I ended up with a migraine every Sunday after church from the high pitch of the choir and the crackle and feedback from the sound system. Wiz did too, so we stopped going.

    I guess I can MAYBE see him linking that to his other koi and coming up with demonic possession. But no, he has attended Mass at other times in other churches including with his friends at whatever religion they are with NO problem.

    Some of it used to make me tempted to give him the actual rituals. But it just didn't seem like a productive thing, Know what I mean??

    I guess if he didn't use this to make his life so much more dramatic then it would be something else. That thought scares me a bit - what WOULD he think of?
  13. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip


    Onyxx pulled this repeatedly when I was going to church with the BFFs. She couldn't go because she burned inside... I told her if she was really on fire for God, she needed to go to witness for other people... And if it was because she was possessed by Satan, she needed to go to get away from evil. REALLY funny.

    When I packed her stuff for Residential Treatment Center (RTC), I packed a Bible I found in her room. The staff lady who went through her stuff was thrilled. I figured Onyxx would be annoyed.

    ...And then... She asked for a Saturday visit instead of Sunday, so she could go to church with the people at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC)... Uh huh.