Riding the storm (again)

[Malika]

There was a parents' meeting at the school tonight. The new teacher talked to us - he seems nice, friendly and with a sense of humour, if a little reserved, though clearly rather overwhelmed by teaching five classes (grades) altogether in one classroom, never having done that before. Twenty kids in one classroom, all arranged in little groups of tables according to age group. J at the front with his four "classmates". It's an odd system, perhaps, but one that traditionally exists in villages all over France. I don't know whether it's better or worse, frankly, than having 25 or 30 kids of the same age group all together.
Anyway after I picked J up from the garderie, he wanted to go and play with his older friend in the village. I said okay, he could choose - he had previously been given the "treat" of watching TV tonight, so I said he could either do this or play. Of course he wanted to play, it being the immediate thing. Then arrived back home shortly after the agreed time, with the help of his watch - well done, J - and I could already hear him crying dramatically up the hill. I thought he had hurt himself, but no... he was saying "I WANT TO WATCH TELEVISION". Then ensued a tantrum about wanting to watch, crying and yelling, and shuddering dramatically saying "I will die if I don't watch television!" I felt surprisingly calm, detached, just saw it all as tiredness and ADHD stuff and rode the storm... was quite gentle with him and then got him out of it by telling him a silly story that made him laugh. Supper, bath, bed followed and he is now fast asleep.
I think I have just given hope and expectation that he is going to grow out of this stuff with age. He isn't and doesn't. So I just ride the storm, I think, wait for it to blow over. I don't think he can help himself or can be corrected out of it.

 

[TeDo]

You are absolutely right and you did exactly what needs to be done. KUDOS to you!! You figured out the "real" problem, realized his thinking, helped him deal with the disappointment..... YAY!! As long as you can keep doing this, I think you'll both come a long way. WAY TO GO!!

 

[lovelyboy]

Well done! Glad it worked out ok!

 

[DammitJanet]

I think you did well but one thing you said was you didnt think he would grow out of this. That isnt really true. He may not grow out of having attention problems but he wont always be throwing these tantrums this way. Slowly he will adjust and grow and learn ways to cope with his issues. Jamie is 28 years old now and while you can tell he is hyper in some ways like the type of job he picked and the fact that he is never still, his most prominent symptoms are lack of attention except at work. Somehow he can pull it together there. I think he picked the perfect job.

 

[InsaneCdn]

I'm with Janet on this one. He WILL grow out of so much of this drive-you-crazy behavior. But... maybe not for another 20 years. There's something magical about the age of 25 for difficult child kids. Somewhere around there, they kind of catch up with their peers in many ways. I have a few more years of waiting to go through myself...

 

[DDD]

You're getting better every month at difficult child parenting...a unique experience, for sure. Hugs DDD

 

[Malika]

Lol, DDD. Alas the graph isn't a neatly ascending line but marked with peaks and troughs. We could perhaps say, however, that the general trend is upwards.

 

[DDD]

Trends are good. DDD

 

[Anxworrier]

I often wonder what things will look like for us in four yrs when he is mid high school or in ten yrs when he will be early 20s and hope and pray that he will work, support himself, be a good man? And how will I get thru these next six yrs???

 

[InsaneCdn]

Anx... in general, it's amazing how many of our difficult child's end up as success stories in the long run. But yes... the $64,000 question is... "How will we get through the next X years?" It my case, X = 10.