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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 725949" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am sorry that you are hurting so badly. For some reason this made me think of that "Welcome to Holland" essay someone sent me when we found out my son had Aspergers. The one about how you meant to go to Paris but wound up somewhere else but it has great things about it too. I think the essay for what parents dealing with what you are coping with should be called "Welcome to Poletown East" (that is one of the worst areas of Detroit). There just isn't much to recommend what you are going through. </p><p></p><p>I am truly sorry that you have to experience it. My mother saw my brother go through it. She saw him shuffle into court chained up with a bunch of other men in jumpsuits. She shopped at Walmart for shoes with no laces because our jail does not provide them. She even bought a bunch of books for the jail library when she learned what types of books they were allowed to have. Books are big in our family. Two and a half years after he got sober, she had a complete breakdown. She got to where she couldn't go to work. She couldn't answer the phone. She could barely come out of her room. </p><p></p><p>Please don't try to do all of this yourself. My mother didn't insist that my dad handle any of this. I am not sure that he was capable of it, and I was out of town, but she did not ask for help. She didn't seek out therapy or go to AlAnon meetings. She buried herself in work and reading fiction. She simply didn't address any of the stress until it literally shut all of her systems down. PLEASE don't let this happen to you.</p><p></p><p>If you miss being with kids of a certain age, go and volunteer. Read to kids at Headstart or the elementary school. Call the Boy or Girl Scouts and volunteer with a troop. If you are active with a church, volunteer with Sunday School. There are lots of ways to be active with kids and you don't have to have one. When Wiz was in 5th grade he was in a wonderful special education class. It was taught at his level in all subject and there were 2-4 other kids throughout the year. One little girl wanted to learn to sew very badly. My mom heard her mention it at a party (I did cakes for every holiday and birthday for the class). While the girl was in the class, Mom would take her sewing machine up and teach the girl to sew once a week for an hour or so. My mother loved it and so did the little girl. My mom always wanted to teach one of her kids or grandkids to have her love of sewing. She didn't get it with us. She has taught other people, and she loves to work with kids when she can.</p><p></p><p>Find something like this that you enjoy. If you don't like to work with kids, or it is too raw, find another thing you enjoy and throw yourself into it. It really does help. If you need other ideas for how to work something you enjoy into a volunteer opportunity, send me a PM. I used to do this for a fairly large group of people. Why volunteer? It feeds your heart in a way getting paid to do something just never does.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 725949, member: 1233"] I am sorry that you are hurting so badly. For some reason this made me think of that "Welcome to Holland" essay someone sent me when we found out my son had Aspergers. The one about how you meant to go to Paris but wound up somewhere else but it has great things about it too. I think the essay for what parents dealing with what you are coping with should be called "Welcome to Poletown East" (that is one of the worst areas of Detroit). There just isn't much to recommend what you are going through. I am truly sorry that you have to experience it. My mother saw my brother go through it. She saw him shuffle into court chained up with a bunch of other men in jumpsuits. She shopped at Walmart for shoes with no laces because our jail does not provide them. She even bought a bunch of books for the jail library when she learned what types of books they were allowed to have. Books are big in our family. Two and a half years after he got sober, she had a complete breakdown. She got to where she couldn't go to work. She couldn't answer the phone. She could barely come out of her room. Please don't try to do all of this yourself. My mother didn't insist that my dad handle any of this. I am not sure that he was capable of it, and I was out of town, but she did not ask for help. She didn't seek out therapy or go to AlAnon meetings. She buried herself in work and reading fiction. She simply didn't address any of the stress until it literally shut all of her systems down. PLEASE don't let this happen to you. If you miss being with kids of a certain age, go and volunteer. Read to kids at Headstart or the elementary school. Call the Boy or Girl Scouts and volunteer with a troop. If you are active with a church, volunteer with Sunday School. There are lots of ways to be active with kids and you don't have to have one. When Wiz was in 5th grade he was in a wonderful special education class. It was taught at his level in all subject and there were 2-4 other kids throughout the year. One little girl wanted to learn to sew very badly. My mom heard her mention it at a party (I did cakes for every holiday and birthday for the class). While the girl was in the class, Mom would take her sewing machine up and teach the girl to sew once a week for an hour or so. My mother loved it and so did the little girl. My mom always wanted to teach one of her kids or grandkids to have her love of sewing. She didn't get it with us. She has taught other people, and she loves to work with kids when she can. Find something like this that you enjoy. If you don't like to work with kids, or it is too raw, find another thing you enjoy and throw yourself into it. It really does help. If you need other ideas for how to work something you enjoy into a volunteer opportunity, send me a PM. I used to do this for a fairly large group of people. Why volunteer? It feeds your heart in a way getting paid to do something just never does. [/QUOTE]
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