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Road blocking Mother in Law...
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 628927" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Well...you really can't do anything about it.</p><p></p><p>Is your sister in therapy? If not, maybe suggest it. There are free county clinics everywhere. At forty, she should not be tied to her mom anymore, and your mom has no business interfering. The solution is for your sister not to tell mother what she is doing. That she can't do anything without telling her mother is a strong indication of a need for serious therapy.</p><p></p><p>But, as bad as you feel about Sis, there isn't anything you can do to change her. Meanwhile, maybe don't stick your neck out for her again that way knowing that, in her mind, the final decision is her mothers.</p><p></p><p>It is sad. It is what we, who have adult children who still act like kids, want to avoid, which is why we detach. Your sister needs to detach from her mother. She is way too old to be doing this dance. However, there is absolutely nothing you can or should do about it.</p><p></p><p>If she wants a couch badly enough, there will be other free couches. Let her find the couch, get it, or not have one.</p><p></p><p>It is hard to watch a middle age person still being terrified of a parent, and I understand it because I so badly wanted my mom to love me (although I never did check in with her about what to do or not do). Still, it took a lot of therapy to realize our relationship was garbage...same with others in the family. It's a trip only your sister can take. And she has to be willing to take it. Alone. Without informing Mother who will ask to go with her.</p><p></p><p>You have a kind heart. But, really, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink, ya know? You can't fix any person on earth except yourself.</p><p></p><p>Have a good day.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 628927, member: 1550"] Well...you really can't do anything about it. Is your sister in therapy? If not, maybe suggest it. There are free county clinics everywhere. At forty, she should not be tied to her mom anymore, and your mom has no business interfering. The solution is for your sister not to tell mother what she is doing. That she can't do anything without telling her mother is a strong indication of a need for serious therapy. But, as bad as you feel about Sis, there isn't anything you can do to change her. Meanwhile, maybe don't stick your neck out for her again that way knowing that, in her mind, the final decision is her mothers. It is sad. It is what we, who have adult children who still act like kids, want to avoid, which is why we detach. Your sister needs to detach from her mother. She is way too old to be doing this dance. However, there is absolutely nothing you can or should do about it. If she wants a couch badly enough, there will be other free couches. Let her find the couch, get it, or not have one. It is hard to watch a middle age person still being terrified of a parent, and I understand it because I so badly wanted my mom to love me (although I never did check in with her about what to do or not do). Still, it took a lot of therapy to realize our relationship was garbage...same with others in the family. It's a trip only your sister can take. And she has to be willing to take it. Alone. Without informing Mother who will ask to go with her. You have a kind heart. But, really, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink, ya know? You can't fix any person on earth except yourself. Have a good day. [/QUOTE]
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