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Parent Emeritus
Rock bottom for parents of difficult children? Do we need to hit it?
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 633950" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>I do not like medicalizing relationships. We have a free will and our relationships to other people are two-way streets but also something we can make our own choices about. Just because one does make a choice A or B today, it will not lead to certain choice tomorrow. It is not some chronic disease, there you are only able to make choices A if you have a condition and only choices B if you do not have.</p><p></p><p>At least I have never felt I need to for example help my kid financially with something, if I did help him with something else, nor do I feel that I can't help him with third thing, if I said no to second thing. Nor do I need some categorized subgroups that I have decided beforehand, like for example deciding that I will help out with medical expense but not with rent or food. Same goes to other things.</p><p></p><p>Money has been a major thing with my kid and his addiction and I have had to make a lot of decisions in when and what to help with and when and what not with and I have never felt it would be difficult to make decisions one by one without any general rules.</p><p></p><p>My son has issues. I do have some issues too, but they are my issues, not issues my son would had caused or that were dependent of him. I'm a mom of a person with mental illness and addiction issues, but I'm not mentally ill, an addict, nor co-dependent nor have I enabled my son to have those issues.</p><p></p><p>To be honest, I don't really even understand the whole concept of enabling. Or I do, I can enable GPS on my phone when I want to use my Endomondo. Or I can provide my child a bus ticket so he is able to go to school every morning and thus enabling his education. But that doesn't mean neither tracking a distance I run or my easy child's school work would somehow be my doing. Endomondo is a neat little app and my son's success at school is totally his doing, not something I could or should take credit or blame from.</p><p></p><p>EDIT: and yes I think and worry about both of my kids. And am happy for the good things. More so than about anyone else. But I also think and worry about my husband, our extended family members, my friends, my dogs and many other living creatures. I also think and worry about issues, like currently war between Russia and Ukraine. I just can't see, how thinking, caring or even worrying about something would be an illness. Nor I consider it a normal state of mind for human being not to think nor worry or enjoy things and people. I don't see our loved ones with issues be any different in this than our loved ones with less issues or different type of issues (I have never heard anyone telling that worrying about your mom who has a cancer is a disease, and you bet I had quite a few sleepless nights and was worried and sad, before and after my mom died.) Things happening to my loved ones or even the economy of my country do affect me. I would find it very weird, if they didn't.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 633950, member: 14557"] I do not like medicalizing relationships. We have a free will and our relationships to other people are two-way streets but also something we can make our own choices about. Just because one does make a choice A or B today, it will not lead to certain choice tomorrow. It is not some chronic disease, there you are only able to make choices A if you have a condition and only choices B if you do not have. At least I have never felt I need to for example help my kid financially with something, if I did help him with something else, nor do I feel that I can't help him with third thing, if I said no to second thing. Nor do I need some categorized subgroups that I have decided beforehand, like for example deciding that I will help out with medical expense but not with rent or food. Same goes to other things. Money has been a major thing with my kid and his addiction and I have had to make a lot of decisions in when and what to help with and when and what not with and I have never felt it would be difficult to make decisions one by one without any general rules. My son has issues. I do have some issues too, but they are my issues, not issues my son would had caused or that were dependent of him. I'm a mom of a person with mental illness and addiction issues, but I'm not mentally ill, an addict, nor co-dependent nor have I enabled my son to have those issues. To be honest, I don't really even understand the whole concept of enabling. Or I do, I can enable GPS on my phone when I want to use my Endomondo. Or I can provide my child a bus ticket so he is able to go to school every morning and thus enabling his education. But that doesn't mean neither tracking a distance I run or my easy child's school work would somehow be my doing. Endomondo is a neat little app and my son's success at school is totally his doing, not something I could or should take credit or blame from. EDIT: and yes I think and worry about both of my kids. And am happy for the good things. More so than about anyone else. But I also think and worry about my husband, our extended family members, my friends, my dogs and many other living creatures. I also think and worry about issues, like currently war between Russia and Ukraine. I just can't see, how thinking, caring or even worrying about something would be an illness. Nor I consider it a normal state of mind for human being not to think nor worry or enjoy things and people. I don't see our loved ones with issues be any different in this than our loved ones with less issues or different type of issues (I have never heard anyone telling that worrying about your mom who has a cancer is a disease, and you bet I had quite a few sleepless nights and was worried and sad, before and after my mom died.) Things happening to my loved ones or even the economy of my country do affect me. I would find it very weird, if they didn't. [/QUOTE]
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Rock bottom for parents of difficult children? Do we need to hit it?
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