Roles reversed!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by gcvmom, Jul 24, 2009.

  1. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    husband stunned me today. I guess it's the miracle of modern mood stabilizing medicine at work, because a year ago, not to mention 10 years ago he was a very different man.

    difficult child 1 has been staying up really late (starting to wonder if it's because we changed to Celexa...). He was up until probably 4am watching TV in his room last night.

    Well, we decided that 11:30am was late enough for him to sleep today, and he wasn't very happy about that. And although I woke him up around 9am and put his Daytrana patch on (which he did not remember), he was not very well medicated -- seems to happen when he's sleep deprived.

    In short, I was about ready to punch his lights out because of his mouth when he got up. husband was going to take the two boys on their bikes to get lunch and shop for sneakers, and difficult child 1 was not having any of it.

    I was getting really mad at difficult child 1 and his foul mouth and disrespectful attitude, and husband whispers to me, "I wasn't expecting this to be easy, you know."

    And as I'm starting my own rant about how difficult child 1 should not be allowed to mouth off the way he was (and he was REALLY crossing the line), husband reminds me that it's because of his disorder and lack of sleep so I should just settle down and keep things in perspective.

    :slap: :holymoly: :faint:

    Could this be the same man who would not hesitate to jerk difficult child 1 by the ear across a parking lot for being silly during a group family photo when he was 7? Is this the same guy who had a meltdown when kids were too noisy in the back seat and then left us on the side of the road to nowhere in the middle of the night to go storming off in a hissy fit? Can this be the man who would slam ice chests or furniture into walls and leave holes because he was frustrated by some minor annoyance?

    Somebody pinch me!

    If there's hope for HIM, there's hope for my difficult child's! :bigsmile:
  2. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    Wow. I'm glad to hear of the improvement in husband. It must make things so much easier for you.

    As for difficult child 1, it could be the celexa and it should wear off in a couple weeks. Or it could be his age. Their circadian rhythms (is that the right term?) are so different at that age. I've had a couple tdocs and a pediatrician tell me that teenagers shouldn't start school until 11am. In Georgia, they started at 9pm, which is the same as the elementary school here - and that is better than ours. Our high schoolers start at 7:30am. :bloodshot:

    Their bodies at that age are just not made to go to sleep early enough to get enough sleep to be at school at 7:30am. Our former pediatrician told me that the majority of high school kids are sleep deprived.

    Off my little tangent now. :)
  3. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Yes, things are much less stressful for me these days with regard to husband (except for the tiny little issue of him not having a job) :)

    The main reason I suspect the Celexa with difficult child 1's insomnia is that it seemed to really become an issue since he switched to it back in June. He'd stay up until 11 or 12 before that, but never as late as he did last night! And last week there were a few nights he was up past 2am. I understand the whole teenage clock thing, but this is just so incredibly unusual for him. We've also noticed that he's much more talkative on Celexa. Even the psychiatrist commented on it at our appointment this week (although he said he was enjoying seeing difficult child 1 like this). Something is just different about him.

    The whole reason we switched off Lexapro is because psychiatrist thought difficult child 1 was a little too disinihibited and that's the reason for all the crazy fights he and I were having.

    Now he just seems disinhibited in a different way. And wired.

    It's weird.

    I'm starting to think he should just come off that medication altogether. That maybe he can manage his anxiety on his own now... hard to say.
  4. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    If he switched to Celexa in June, the sleeping (or not sleeping) side effect should be over by now. I know it can vary by person, but it typically goes away in 2 weeks.

    It does sound like it could be causing some disinhibition. Celexa is basically the same thing as Lexapro; it just requires a larger dose. A lower dose (such as in Lexapro) tends to cause fewer side effects. That's why Lexapro has a better side effect profile than Celexa - and Celexa has a good side effect profile for the class it's in.

    So, I'm wondering why psychiatrist chose Celexa.

    Has difficult child 1 tried any other AD's?

    Oh, and AD's can sometimes cause an increase in anxiety initially. But, again, it seems like he's had enough time for that stuff to go away if it were going to.
  5. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    First we tried reducing the Lexapro to 10mg (from 20mg), but he started picking at his skin to the point of making dozens of little scabs all over his upper arms and it was like he could not STOP from doing it. So psychiatrist made the change to Celexa 20mg. The picking improved a bit (he still does it, but not as much), he was irritable for a while, but that got better, and he seems to argue less and listen to adults a little better. But he's also more talkative and seems less inhibited in other ways.

    The only other AD he's been on was imipramine about 6 or 7 years ago for bedwetting. That's when I first noticed an improvement in his mood! He went off it after about a year. Then about a year later he got sick from Crohn's and his anxiety went way up, and that's when he started the Lexapro at my urging because of his needle phobia and overall level of anxiety. It really made a difference for him. But in the last year or so, he's been VERY oppositional when his stims wear off and very confrontational. He's been destructive and hostile and angry at times. And we've had an issue with porn every now and then (and as recent as last week -- but it's always when he's off his stims).

    (Maybe I need to start a new thread on this!) ;)
  6. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I think I mentioned that both of the girls have started Cognitive therapy? It has started working in only one session already.
    It is funny I saw 2 episodes of Obsessed and it is like that but geared towards kids.
    Maybe with something like this he could be off of the medications?

    N is very resistant but I can tell it is going to work with he or at least help, the therapist said, N has very severe anxiety... finally someone who gets it!
    And she saw that her "Autistic like" symptoms are anxiety based.

    I am excited to do this just to avoid the medications. Maybe it will work?

    I am so glad husband is trying! FOr us the fact that therapist told husband that N's symptoms were anxiety based helped him realize getting angry or frustrated is not going to help her.
    It will us pause more before reacting, or at least try to pause! LOL

    THe sleep... dose him! JK
    That's what Heather should do!

    SLeep is a hard one. K exhausts herself by the end of the day and giving her the second AP seems to knock her out.
  7. graceupongrace

    graceupongrace New Member

    Great news about husband. Bet you almost fell on the floor when those words came out of his mouth!

    Are you sure difficult child has insomnia, or could it be attitude? Last summer, when my difficult child was 14, he stayed up till all hours -- 1, 2, 3 a.m. It wasn't that he couldn't sleep; he just didn't wanna. And he knew it bugged me, which made it even more attractive.:faint:

    He's pretty much over that now, and has found assorted new ways to be annoying. Gotta tell ya, adolescence is a weird time, but with a difficult child, it is multiplied tenfold.
  8. maril

    maril New Member

    Kudos to your husband! :D I bet that made your day.

    My husband has exhibited similar behaviors over the years, and I can relate to the challenges you face. I, too, have a sleep-challenged teen difficult child with multiple other issues and then there's husband -- who has been diagnosis with a sleep disorder. The guys are much affected temperment-wise and are working on addressing the issues (with a push from me, of course). It has been interesting!

    Here's to many more positive moments for you; they help to get us through the rough days. ;)
    Last edited: Jul 26, 2009
  9. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    What a great post!! Glad husband is doing so well!
  10. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Not to make light of husband's improvement but my weird sense of humor thought "craniotomy's could do that for someone". LOL.
    You have had a tough road to family life with husband's erratic behavior and intolerance and the children having their own issues. You must be a rock with which the whole family depends.
    Enjoy a husband who is more of a parenting partner and never let difficult child 1 stay up past midnight. My difficult child always went into a hyper state if he didn't get enough sleep.

  11. ML

    ML Guest

    Thank you for posting such great news! There is always hope. My husband has also come a long way so I can related to how awesome that feels. Hugs, ML
  12. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    :rofl: Yes, only you, Fran! Seriously, though, there are some days when I think they should have removed more... :tongue:

    I am a rock some days, thank goodness for my own medications or I'd be a puddle of mud otherwise!

    difficult child 1 was up at 3:30am with his TV on again last night (my bathroom is above his room and since I was sick all night I could hear it on). I knocked on the floor and he switched it off. I really need husband to move that stupid TV out of the kid's room because he clearly does not have the self control to use it wisely. He proves that on a daily basis in so many areas. :mad:
  13. babybear

    babybear New Member

    We fought that battle in my house and I finally just cacelled the cable! At the foster home that I just started working at they have these installed on the tvs. We will be getting them in our house too. I think it's brilliant!!
  14. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Glad you laughed with me J. Having a teen age son go through a craniotomy, I certainly understand the fear that comes with such serious surgery.
    We make jokes with easy child about his surgery being to blame for x,y, or z. It keeps it light or I could run screaming into the night.

    Honestly, I'm tickled to hear that husband is becoming a more evolved parent.
  15. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    I'll have to look into that babybear... knowing my difficult child, he'd have it disconnected in a heartbeat. :(

    Fran, we really do have to maintain a sense of humor with the cards we're dealt, don't we? I find myself holding my breath some days in disbelief that these changes are for real in husband. Our psychiatrist said the cavernoma was a blessing in disguise for this man in many ways!
  16. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I'd love to "make" Onyxx go to bed at a reasonable hour. She doesn't sleep, so I don't know what I am supposed to do. We gave up. How do you "make" a 14-y/o sleep? Even the medications don't seem to help more than the first few days. The benadryl makes her crash and then wake up repeatedly.

    The HS starts at 8:00 and the elementary at 7:45, but Jett gets out at 2:00 and Onyxx at 3:15. And we need her to watch him. Next year they will be in next-door schools so they'll both be 8-3:15, but this year... Sigh.

    Got up this morning and both of them were sleeping at opposite ends of the sofa. LOL! So adorable.
  17. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Thank goodness for Trazadone! For me at least. LOL I had the same thing with every other medication, they would work for awhile and then I would wake up and stare into space or be up!

    I am so lucky with K, she just passes out and is like a log.
    She spins out of control all day... husband told psychiatrist last week that she is like a "caged meth addict". psychiatrist is writing a book and wrote this down! LOL
    But man night falls and lights out.
    I know it can change any moment again... I enjoy these times.

    I feel for you ladies.
    But I am so glad husband is getting it. Baby steps, first helping, next a job, maybe he will clean the whole house next!?!?!?
  18. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Chickey - WONDERFUL news and I hope it sticks and grows and carries over forever. You're a super wife, Mom and friend and chicken rancher and you deserve this opportunity (epiphany) and sharing with your husband.

    I am delighted for you and your heart. -Thoroughly~ except for that HE LEFT YOU WHERE?? UGH....No wonder you weren't afraid of the bears. lol

    Hugs - Fantastic!
  19. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    I wish I knew!

    I'm glad my difficult child 1 has started up with sports again. The physical exhaustion does a lot to help him sleep. He did turn off the TV at my insistence around 11:30p last night -- I guess the two hours of lacrosse practice helped!

    But I do think this change in AD has altered his sleep habits because he never stayed up this late when he took Lexapro.
  20. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Totoro, I hope K's recent medication tweak helps curb that "caged" behavior. difficult child 2 was like that when he was unstable. I used very similar words to describe him to psychiatrist before. He would pace and twitch and jerk -- although some of it was the movement disorder he had for a time, and a lot of it was compounded by mania/hypomania. Yuck.

    But husband clean house? Good Lord! I would think I'd died and gone to heaven the day that happens! Of course, he will tell you that he DOES clean house. It's just that he and I speak completely different languages, so clean to him is just a notch above slovenly to me. And I am a VERY relaxed housekeeper these days. Thanks to him! I just got tired of fighting it.