rough morning

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Ktllc, May 8, 2012.

  1. Ktllc

    Ktllc New Member

    I reminded V that he is going to daycare this morning since he did not go yesterday (he was a little sick but played just fine around the house while I worked). He did not like that at all and started shouting that today was not the day. I explained that I pay for 2x a week and I knew he is usually not going on Tuedays, but it was ok. V just kept shouting and stomping. I repeated myself a couple times and walked away. He calmed down within 10 minutes.
    I then got his picture schedule ready and his weighted vest. I knew he would need all the help today.
    Once we arrived at daycare, things turned for the worst. His breakfast was ready, I wispered to the teacher that today was not a good day and explained to her what the weighted vest was. Seeing how upset V was getting, I waited for him to wask his hands and for him to eat his brealfast all the while he was crying and arguing. Once it was time for me to leave: he screams SO loud that all the teachers came out of their rooms.
    It was awful, V's teacher had to physically detach him from me at which time I walked away and did not turn back.
    I could not swallow my tears... and stayed in the baby room for a little bit. The baby teacher was really nice to me and explained that she knew exactly what I was going through. She raises her grandson with add/adhd and some kind of other disorder.
    By the time I was left the baby room, I could not hear V anymore.
    The director called me a bit later to tell me that V was ok. He was dawing with chalk with the teacher.
    Those episodes are draining for me and certainly for V as well.
    I do my best to get ready for it but on days like today: nothing I'll do or say will change anything.
    I just cannot give in to him all the time. I need a break sometime and he needs to be other kids in a safe environment which I believe this daycare is very safe, loving and adaptable to every child's needs.
    2x a week is not all that much. And I'll pick him up at 2.30, we'll still have the whole afternoon to be together.
  2. buddy

    buddy New Member

    That kind of thing just breaks a mommy's heart. It is so hard. It is so common for a change like that to upset a kid who has the kinds of traits you say V has. Do you have a weekly schedule too? One strategy to use is to make a certain color "change" card. So when that card shows up it means there is a change in the schedule. On a schedule/calendar you might highlight or tape a little paper of that color over the place where the change happens and you write the new things on it. For his picture schedule you can add the color card which might be cut a little bigger than the new picture so when taped behind it, it will highlight the picture.

    Then go through it the night before so it has time to process.

    The trick to it is to do little changes using this procedure on and off thru a day, week, month so that when a real change happens you have practiced how to cope with the change. Practice blowing out the candles on your hand (holding up the 5 fingers and blowing for deep breathing, or squishing a therapy ball or theraputty, etc.)

    When younger my son would have done the exact same, would have been upset about the change, but now he is more focused on the number and would have expected it or been very upset if he didn't get his make up day if he knows he gets two a week. Crazy how things can morph like that. There is always something, right?

    Dont feel badly you followed through, if he is fine now, then you got a dose of what even parents of typical kids go through. Lots of kids fall apart when dropped off at daycare. They generally recover quickly. I hope that is it for him, that it doesn't carry over to later on in the day. You supplied them with great tools and at some point he has to go through some of these challenges to learn how to cope with them. He sounds like he is in such a safe and nurturing place (as are you) so they can support and encourage him (and you again, smile). I like to hear that. I worked in a school once where we often heard, we are so glad he/she did that here so we could help them work through it. We all would rather they made mistakes with people who gave them a soft place to land, a chance to learn with loving support....before they grow up and hit the big mean streets! I think you did just great and in the end, so did he.
  3. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    I understand how you feel! When difficult child was little and in pre-school we would go through the crying and clinging at the door. Not all the time. Every few months I would get it for about a week or so. I could hear him screaming as the teachers carried him down the hallway. The first few times it happened I found it to be heartbreaking. No one wants to leave their child when they are crying like that, but it was really the best thing for both him and me. When I would pick him up they would tell me that five minutes later he had stopped crying and was playing happily with the other kids.

    Don't feel badly that you took him to day care today. He calmed down and was able to get into the routine after you left him, even though he knew that today was not his "normal" day care day. I think that's a very good thing. He was able to adapt after a while.
  4. Oh my heart broke for you when I read that. I'm so sorry you and V had a bad morning.

    I am glad that the daycare called you later to let you know that he was doing ok. That must have been a relief for you.

    Hard to start your day like that. :(
  5. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    It must have hurt you to have to leave him like that! And yet I do find it VERY positive that he later calmed down and was happily engaged.
    You know your child. J used to do this when we lived in Morocco when I left him at a creche that he did not like - terrible, heart-wrenching screaming and clinging to me - and where I don't think they were very attuned to kids; at another creche, which he did like and where there was a lovely assistant he bonded with, he was fine, didn't even look back... not saying this to worry you, obviously, but just to wonder whether V is "telling" you anything about this daycare. It sounds like not, because you say it is a good and caring one. If all is fine, and it is just a transition thing, then I agree that it must be better to make this into a regular activity that he comes to like and expect.
  6. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Our kids went to playschool. 2 hours, twice a week. Nothing major.
    We didn't have any issues - but some kids did.
    And the teacher there was someone I trusted - a really GOOD teacher. (retired... used to teach grade 1)
    She said about 10% of the kids have trouble transitioning to the routine of "school"... but learning to do it early, makes it easier when they get to full-time school. She had to deal with it in full-time school, and it was harder, because it was "too long" before parents came back.
    And these were all NT or close to it... no behavior issues, no health issues, just "normal" kids.
  7. Ktllc

    Ktllc New Member

    Actually, this behavior is not new at all... it is just the first time I post about it. It has been going on for almost 2 years. At the other preschool when he was going every day, it was every single day.
    In this daycare, it is the first time he does it but he does not go much and I started real easy: just a couple hours at first. It still required a lot of preparation but was not screaming. Now that he stays longer, is he going to go back to a full-blown tantrum every time? I hope not!
    Sure some will say that I need to back down and pick him realier, but I do need a break once in a while. And how is he going to do next year at Kindergarten? He says he wants to go so I need to get him ready.
    When I pick the kids up, we went to get V's new glasses. He is very happy about them and has not complained once so far.
    When I picked him up, he was quietly drawing! Not something he usually does. I was quite proud to see it. I could even tell what he drew. That tells me he was in a happy place, otherwise he loses this kind of skills.
    So I guess the day was actually a success despite a rocky start.
  8. keista

    keista New Member

    As long as he settles down and gets with the program, in my opinion it's OK - even if it does happen every day. If he keeps carrying on and on until you come get him, that needs serious work, doesn't sound like that's your problem.