Rough night... and rough morning...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by ksm, Nov 9, 2011.

  1. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    We had a rough night last night - J(difficult child) had one of her "moods" and kept us up for two hours. I had a meeting at 7pm and got home at 9pm. I went to give both girls a kiss goodnight and tuck them in - and she was upset. I guess when it started snowing, DFES (Foreign exchange student) went outside to take a photo. And A went outside too. It was probably for two minutes. husband told J she had to stay in as she has been sick for 3 days. Well, when you say NO that is when she looses it. "IT's not fair" is her mantra. Then she starts going back years to when "it wasn't fair!" Then she started arguing with her sister and didn't know I was standing outside in the hallway. She was saying things like, I hate it here, I'll probably just run away, If I had to, I could kick down that door, If you don't shut up I'll smack you, Don't think I won't do it. So I went in the room and sat in a chair and asked them both to stop talking. Of course, that just made things worse for her and she wouldn't stop arguing. I told her that if she was going to keep her sister awake, she would need to go to the restroom for a quiet place to calm down. Then she went to my room and said "if you are going to stay in my room, then I am going to stay in yours" Is escalated, and when I said to get off my bed, she kept scooting over closer and close to the edge and laughing at me. I reached out and pushed her a little and she fell off the bed and landed on a tennis shoe. Holy Heck. You would think I had beaten her. I took my car keys and told husband I had to go get a pop or coffee, drive around and cool off for 30 minutes. When I came back, J ran crying down the stairs "don't leave me, don't ever leave me". I explained that I would never leave her, but when I get that upset, I need to leave before I do something even more stupid than push her off my bed. She was still crying and saying, but you only did it because I kept pushing you to do something.

    You would think that this morning she would be a little contrite, but no, the attitude starts up again. Once again, she is home "sick" and missing school. Monday and Tuesday, she did have a fever... but I really think today she is capable of going to school. I have an appointment in one hour with her therapist (one on one - no difficult child) so will be interesting to hear what she says.

    I have told her, no tv, no computer, no reading books. Only homework or resting. Of course, she is "resting" with the radio blaring. I don't think I can take five more years of this. Life is miserable in our house. The fun is gone. It is like she sucks the joy out of everything and everyone. We have tried three medications in 6 months... and now back to no medications. Nothing helps - and usually just gets worse. Well, advice is welcome... or just thanks for letting me vent. KSM
  2. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    I had the appointment with the therapist - and she wants husband and I to try to be more empathetic and less logical, or trying to "fix problems". I have been learning some of those phrases and things at the NAMI meetings, but it is hard when you want to tell them the "right answer" not basically agree with what they are saying. It is like the "landing the plane on the same runway that they took off on" theory I had mentioned in another post.

    She did say that things will probably get worse before they get better. That we can't fix difficult child - she is going to have to want to do that. She said it is like difficult child is trying to hand us all her anger... and we are suppose to acknowledge the anger... but not take it off her hands. That she would have to want to figure out how to get rid of the anger herself. If we keep taking the anger, she just fills back up with it. She does feel the anger stems from losing her parents because of their addiction probblems. I wish we could have dealt with this at age 7 or 8 instead of 13. Just makes everything so much harder.

    Thanks for letting me unload earlier. KSM
  3. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    I am so sorry. It is so hard. And yes, it probably will get worse before it gets better - so be prepared.
    What medications has she trialed? Does she have any testing that points to a clear diagnosis?
    Have you read The Explosive Child by Ross Greene? His approach really helps in eliminating the power struggles.
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Sorry for the struggles. I hate those stretches when it seems there is no fun, every day is just going to have another battle or struggle. I always panic wonderig if this is the time it doesn't turn around.... but so far it always has.

    She sounds really disorganized in her thinking and really upset. I wish it was easier for all of your sakes. HUGS, Buddy
  5. keista

    keista New Member

    ((((HUGS)))) Wish I had some words of wisdom for you, sadly I do not. So I'll just send along more ((((HUGS))))