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<blockquote data-quote="Albatross" data-source="post: 683933" data-attributes="member: 17720"><p>I am sorry, Walrus. As parents we never give up hope, but it seems every "up" day should perhaps be a trigger for us to begin practicing our detachment skills.</p><p></p><p>I have heard it said and have said it myself so many times..."You just have to let them find their bottom."</p><p></p><p>Well, yeah...if they ever would...</p><p></p><p>It seems with so many of our d.c.'s they hit bottom and start digging, digging...gotta make the bottom even deeper.</p><p></p><p>I wonder, is it determination to self-destruct? Or is it the opposite -- that the only time they ever really feel alive is when they are rushing toward oblivion?</p><p></p><p>I watched a documentary called "Meru" about a group of climbers scaling a peak in the Himalaya that had never been climbed. I have always admired those who pursue goals so single-mindedly, but these guys were difficult to watch.</p><p></p><p>SPOILER ALERT: They made it to the summit. And in literally a few seconds, you could see the elation to have done so fade to the emptiness that had driven them up in the first place. They were already looking to the next climb. They seemed to me to be tortured souls, people who are perpetually driven to DO IT, not to HAVE DONE IT.</p><p></p><p>Perhaps this is why your daughter and my son say the same thing, that they "don't have a problem." Perhaps the stability we see as necessary is intolerable to them. They need to be hurtling out of control.</p><p></p><p>Either way, Walrus, this is one of those times that it hurts so much to realize once again that THERE IS NOTHING TO BE DONE except retreat, regroup, and when you are ready, rejoin the people in your life who love you back. And try to remember, as much as we think we want to just have some freakin' CERTAINTY, this is not the end of the story. She might be learning and growing in ways we can't appreciate right now.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Albatross, post: 683933, member: 17720"] I am sorry, Walrus. As parents we never give up hope, but it seems every "up" day should perhaps be a trigger for us to begin practicing our detachment skills. I have heard it said and have said it myself so many times..."You just have to let them find their bottom." Well, yeah...if they ever would... It seems with so many of our d.c.'s they hit bottom and start digging, digging...gotta make the bottom even deeper. I wonder, is it determination to self-destruct? Or is it the opposite -- that the only time they ever really feel alive is when they are rushing toward oblivion? I watched a documentary called "Meru" about a group of climbers scaling a peak in the Himalaya that had never been climbed. I have always admired those who pursue goals so single-mindedly, but these guys were difficult to watch. SPOILER ALERT: They made it to the summit. And in literally a few seconds, you could see the elation to have done so fade to the emptiness that had driven them up in the first place. They were already looking to the next climb. They seemed to me to be tortured souls, people who are perpetually driven to DO IT, not to HAVE DONE IT. Perhaps this is why your daughter and my son say the same thing, that they "don't have a problem." Perhaps the stability we see as necessary is intolerable to them. They need to be hurtling out of control. Either way, Walrus, this is one of those times that it hurts so much to realize once again that THERE IS NOTHING TO BE DONE except retreat, regroup, and when you are ready, rejoin the people in your life who love you back. And try to remember, as much as we think we want to just have some freakin' CERTAINTY, this is not the end of the story. She might be learning and growing in ways we can't appreciate right now. [/QUOTE]
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