Sad and disappointed in difficult child

buddy

New Member
IC that is their plan. Like I said they have not had much contact with us. I am so scared that we are setting her up for failure. Not to mention, she will be walking into 2 days of midterms. This sounds so silly, but what do we do? We have emailed and called. They have already told her that she will be leaving the program. The teacher at the PHP is supposed to be working the the school, but we have heard nothing from her. This is going to be a huge adjustment. She hasn't been in school since December 16th. That is a really really long time to be just dumped back in and expect everything to go smoothly. Freaking Out.

I called and asked them to call me by 2pm and let me know when our transition meeting was going to be. I gave them a choice of three times. I also said I had to know because our home therapist was coming too (you dont have that but I was not going to leave it up to th em). they need to know you are in charge of this. I would NOT send her to the middle of midterms. What woudl be the point of that? i would arrange for a transition back to school with revised work and testing. They can reschedule things, use open book tests, etc. BREATHE, you can do this. it will work out. This is really hard and you are dealing with your own anxiety which is going to influence your difficult child. She is watching you and if you can show her that you can take charge and solve things one issue at a time she will learn not to get so overwhelmed too. AGAIN, MUCH MUCH easier said than done! HUGE HUGE cyber hugs. You are doing fine.
 

StressedM0mma

Active Member
Thanks everyone. I called and actually got her counselor on the phone. I was so surprised that he answered that I stumbled a little. I told him that we wondered when we would have her transition meeting, and we are very concerned about her returning to school. He said that Marjorie(the teacher) has been in contact with the school, but we have heard nothing from her or the school at this point. I explained that she has not attended school since the 16th of Dec. and how we are not sure how she will do being tossed back into the situation. We have been told by most people involved that she does not qualify for a 504 or an iep.
Anyway, we are scheduled for a family meeting tomorrow at 3:30. Hopefully we get it all sorted out and difficult child can handle the transition back. The counselor seems to think she is ready to leave the program. Please send prayers and positive thoughts our way. I just want everything to go smoothly for her, and us.
 

susiestar

Roll With It
First of all, did they do the evaluations and then say she didn't qualify, or did they just say she wouldn't qualify? If they haven't done the evaluations, they have NO CLUE and are talking out their donkeys. I HATE when the school people do that.

Your daughter is sick enough to qualify for inpatient treatment and for a partial hospitalization program but not sick enough to get accommodations at school? Are they serious? If someone actually told you that I hope you broke down in laughter so hard you actually rolled around on the floor in hysterical laughter. Because, seriously? Seriously? have they spoken to her? Have they looked at how she s doing? How can they say that?

What they are trying to do is to get you to not send the letter askign for evaluation. Evaluation is expensive and each parent they talk out of it saves them thousands of dollars and extra work. NOT dollars you will spend, the evaluation shouldn't cost YOU, but copies of any testing you have done privately that show problems should definitely be shown because it is something they cannot really refute, plus private evaluations are more complete and in my opinion more reliable. Private evaluations look at her hwole life and school evaluation looks at her life at school, which is one reason they are more complete.

Go to the sp ed archives and find the letter asking for evaluation for an IEP. Fill in your daughter's name and all the other bits of personal info and get that letter into the mail. It MUST MUST MUST be send certified mail, return receipt requested. This way you can PROVE they got it and it puts a timeline to have the evaluations done into place. Your daughter then has the protections of an IEP through the entire evaluation period, meaning that if she is suspended for mroe than ten days it means they ahve to do a hearing to change placement,a nd a bunch of other protections. f you don't send the letter by certified mail, return receipt requested, you have NO way to prove that you sent it or they received it, which means no way to force them to put the timeline into action.

As for what happens next, it sounds like you need to take some time off work and go sit and wait until the whomever at the PHP program talks to you. I know it is a PITA and time off work is precious, but otherwise they will discharge her and assume you will set up whatever she needs. PUSH them until they set up a real program. Sit and write out what YOU think she needs. Then push and push. If they say no or we don't do that, ask why not and who does. Flat out say "we need this and you are the one planning the discharge program so you need to make it happen"

They won't like you and invite you to be bffs with them, but who cares? I have upset them a few times at phosps by telling them to either set things up for treatment for him or figure out how to keep him cause he isn't coming home with just this in place. I did take him home, but the scrambled to find a few things to give me because they were afraid we just were not going to come get him.
 

DammitJanet

Well-Known Member
That is a very short time frame for DBT. I have actually read the entire workbooks for that therapy and almost went through it but they couldnt find enough patients for a group so I did a 1:1 with my therapist and it took well over 5 months though we only saw each other twice a week back then. But like I said before I even did it I read the entire book that explains the program for the therapists on how to do the therapy with the clients. My therapist gave it to me because it didnt appear we were getting anywhere close. You can find info on this online and also there are groups on yahoo.
 
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