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Sad and tired
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 724364" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>It is very sad that your daughter is choosing drugs and bad people right now. Mine did too. At 19 she had to leave...it was impossible to protect my younger kids from her drug rages and scary "friends." I was heartbroken, but determined not to help her kill herself by enabling her dangerous choices. I thought she might die. Instead she quit....</p><p></p><p>Not one of us who has a loved one who used drugs know what they are really doing. If we talk to them, they lie. I thought I at least knew what drugs my daughter took. I did not. After she quit, she seemed compelled to talk about her life in drugs and get it all out. What she told me, shocked me. My guessing had not even been close. Drugs take our loved ones away from us to a place we can not know. I think in hindsight it is foolish to try to know what our drug using kids are doing. We will never know so it is a waste of time and just elevates our stress.</p><p></p><p>Many here HAVE learned to not let this destroy us. That doesn't mean we don't care or worry, but we do let go of the drama and go on with our lives. There are places to find tools to grow strong.</p><p></p><p>I love Al Anon. Nothing topped talking to others who understood in real time for me. I also had a priceless private therapist. You can do both at once or pick one. Doing nothing to help yourself is SO HARD. Don't try doing this alone. I don't recommend even trying to figure it out yourself. We are too emotionally involved.</p><p></p><p>I read too. One of my favorite books that launched my own recovery from trying to fix others was "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. Great starting book. Please buy it! Read every word!!</p><p></p><p>You can't take care of or fix your daughter. She is the only one who can do that. But you don't have to give up your own life because for now your daughter is struggling. You can choose to learn to cope and even thrive. Suffering won't help your daughter and your other loved ones need you to be happy. You owe that to yourself too. You matter. Your mental health matters.</p><p></p><p>Love and hugs!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 724364, member: 1550"] It is very sad that your daughter is choosing drugs and bad people right now. Mine did too. At 19 she had to leave...it was impossible to protect my younger kids from her drug rages and scary "friends." I was heartbroken, but determined not to help her kill herself by enabling her dangerous choices. I thought she might die. Instead she quit.... Not one of us who has a loved one who used drugs know what they are really doing. If we talk to them, they lie. I thought I at least knew what drugs my daughter took. I did not. After she quit, she seemed compelled to talk about her life in drugs and get it all out. What she told me, shocked me. My guessing had not even been close. Drugs take our loved ones away from us to a place we can not know. I think in hindsight it is foolish to try to know what our drug using kids are doing. We will never know so it is a waste of time and just elevates our stress. Many here HAVE learned to not let this destroy us. That doesn't mean we don't care or worry, but we do let go of the drama and go on with our lives. There are places to find tools to grow strong. I love Al Anon. Nothing topped talking to others who understood in real time for me. I also had a priceless private therapist. You can do both at once or pick one. Doing nothing to help yourself is SO HARD. Don't try doing this alone. I don't recommend even trying to figure it out yourself. We are too emotionally involved. I read too. One of my favorite books that launched my own recovery from trying to fix others was "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. Great starting book. Please buy it! Read every word!! You can't take care of or fix your daughter. She is the only one who can do that. But you don't have to give up your own life because for now your daughter is struggling. You can choose to learn to cope and even thrive. Suffering won't help your daughter and your other loved ones need you to be happy. You owe that to yourself too. You matter. Your mental health matters. Love and hugs! [/QUOTE]
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