For what its worth, since you have invested time in trialing abilify and lithium, I would really make sure I was up to clinical levels before beginning a medication wash. Do it carefully one at a time. Given the state she is in, it is hard to tell what is negative reactions to what is her baseline. You don't want to be wondering a year from now whether you should have tried a higher dose and have to redo the whole medication trial.
Do you have any real basis for thinking diet might help? I am just thinking that why go through all that--and you need to go for pretty long and pretty thoroughly for a kid that is already suffering? Maybe try food dyes etc. but to do the whole gluten free thing. Not saying it doesn't have impacts on some children, but again if you do it, treat it like a medication trial and don't do it when you are changing dosages of medicine.
It is horrible to want to do something so badly for your child, but not to find anything that works.
I would give neurofeedback a wide berth--with my mood disordered child, it made things worse I think. A therapist told us it was not recommended for very unstable children.
I guess if I were in your shoes I would be saying, is there someone who is a recognized expert in the field, and try to go there. Maybe smallworld can make some suggestions.
I really feel for you in terms of what it is doing to your family life and your own sanity. Maybe this is a stupid suggestion, but think about backing off on some of the various therapies etc if you think they aren't working if there is a heavy cost to you in time, money, effort, trying to get her to comply and put energies into trying to make life around you pleasant (I know, not the right word).
My gut feeling is that you will eventually find a medication combo that will work, and that your task rightnow if trying to survive with your family intact and get what little glimmers of fun or enjoyment you can have as a family. I think once you get her stabilized, school and all the rest of it will come along.
One can get to a sense of desperation and try to do everything that might help, and just get totally worn out. You're in it for the long haul. I would be trying to get the therapist to tell me how I can survive as the mother, get some respite, some help, a school setting where you get a break to recharge as a priority...
Toto, you are doing an awesome job in such a difficult circumstance. NOne of these suggestions are probably on target or feasible or whatever.
Hugs.P.
