My sons birthday was this past week. I have not seen him for almost a year. He has not been home for almost 2 years. So many feelings going through me. Sadness that my parents haven't seen him and that he hasn't been home to see them. They are aging fast and one never knows how much longer they will be here. Tonight scrolling through facebook and see pics of moms and their sons- happy and normal... Asked myself why me and then told myself this is Gods plan for my life and for my sons life. I don't understand why some moms don't have to go through this and all is just rosy and merry and then some have to go through living hell. I will never understand why our family is living this nightmare. I just have to trust that good will come out of it in God's time. He mentioned coming home in a few months and wanted us to split the airline ticket... He would fly first class due to his size... The last time he was home he hated it and it was a horrible 3 days. After 12 hours he wanted to take an early flight and leave. We didnt' know he was back to drinking heavily again after his probation was up. Once we found that out, it all made sense why he was so irritable and had felt sick. He was having withdrawals. It was a terrible visit and to be honest we don't want to have that again. I am leery of saying we will split the airline ticket because of how it was the last time. Still have not broke the news to him about our dog passing away. Don't feel it is right to do it through a text and well... he only calls when he has an accident due to being intoxicated. Otherwise never answers the phone or returns calls. Sorry for rambling. Been very depressed lately over this and our jobs and marriage. Just not a good time.