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Sad in Florida with question about Christmas
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 674804" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>SIF, I think when it gets to this point for all of us that we have to change the way we look at the situation. We have to get a new perspective. This is not about you. This is about him. He is 44 years old and a grown man. It is up to him to build his life or not build it.</p><p></p><p>As you think about this, can you say to yourself---what do I want to do? What is good for me here?</p><p></p><p>If you want to give him a gift or two or three, give the gifts you want to give. Let go of any attachment to any outcome regarding the gifts. If he sells them, throws them in a dumpster or uses them thankfully for the next year, that is on him. That is not on you. Gain the pleasure of giving for yourself.</p><p></p><p>If you are tired of giving with the way he is acting, that is perfectly good as well. Take the gifts back and treat yourself to a massage and a nice lunch out. Or give the gifts to someone else. Or give the gifts or money in his name to a worthy charity.</p><p></p><p><strong>Take back your emotional power.</strong> And then, if he calls back, work to be firm and kind and stand your ground. As they say in alanon, say what you mean but don't say it mean.</p><p></p><p>You are worth this. You are worth doing something new here that gives you the dignity and purpose we all seek.</p><p></p><p>Let's separate ourselves from them and what they say or do. This is our holiday season too and we have a right to create a season of peace and contentment for ourselves regardless of what anybody else says or does.</p><p></p><p>Warm hugs today. This takes practice so don't expect overnight results or a warm happy feeling right now. Just changing this one thing in this way is healthy and good and a first step.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 674804, member: 17542"] SIF, I think when it gets to this point for all of us that we have to change the way we look at the situation. We have to get a new perspective. This is not about you. This is about him. He is 44 years old and a grown man. It is up to him to build his life or not build it. As you think about this, can you say to yourself---what do I want to do? What is good for me here? If you want to give him a gift or two or three, give the gifts you want to give. Let go of any attachment to any outcome regarding the gifts. If he sells them, throws them in a dumpster or uses them thankfully for the next year, that is on him. That is not on you. Gain the pleasure of giving for yourself. If you are tired of giving with the way he is acting, that is perfectly good as well. Take the gifts back and treat yourself to a massage and a nice lunch out. Or give the gifts to someone else. Or give the gifts or money in his name to a worthy charity. [B]Take back your emotional power.[/B] And then, if he calls back, work to be firm and kind and stand your ground. As they say in alanon, say what you mean but don't say it mean. You are worth this. You are worth doing something new here that gives you the dignity and purpose we all seek. Let's separate ourselves from them and what they say or do. This is our holiday season too and we have a right to create a season of peace and contentment for ourselves regardless of what anybody else says or does. Warm hugs today. This takes practice so don't expect overnight results or a warm happy feeling right now. Just changing this one thing in this way is healthy and good and a first step. [/QUOTE]
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Sad in Florida with question about Christmas
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