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Sad mother, bipolar daughter
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 699746" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>tandemdame, this is very hard, I'm so sorry. </p><p></p><p>Before your daughter is released from the hospital, you and your husband need to put together your strategy as to how you're going to approach this. Do not allow yourself to be broadsided by her demands. Since you have a temporary restraining order, it may be prudent for you to use this time to get very clear on your boundaries. Once she is released and reality sets in, you're likely to begin receiving communications where she will start manipulating you to take her back, pay for whatever she needs, in essence doing what you've always done before. That's where support would be helpful for you, to develop your "tool box" of resources for yourself. </p><p></p><p>You cannot leave anything to her or to chance at this point, if you are ready to begin to detach, your boundaries must be strong and impenetrable. You may want to sit down with your husband and determine what you are willing to do and what you are not willing to do. I have read here that at times the hospital will make every attempt to transfer care to the family, unless the family refuses that responsibility. You may want to figure out just what your stance is before she gets out and tries to make you responsible for her.</p><p></p><p>My daughter exhibits many behaviors that fit quite a few mental illness categories. Quite a number of my relatives have dual diagnoses, often mental illness is a constellation of different labels, and not always easy to pin point..... but regardless of the diagnosis, unless your daughter is psychotic or comatose, she is able to be responsible for her actions. In addition, as I've seen in my own family, just because there ARE medications out there, doesn't mean folks will take them. My sister is bi-polar and refuses to take any medication because she is an artist and she says that the medications kill her creativity. Someone has to be willing to take the medications, experiment with different medications and take the time to figure out which ones work the best. That can take time and certainly a commitment. Not everyone gets on board with that. Non compliance is a big issue.</p><p></p><p>It is so difficult for us parents to understand how many of our adult kids operate, we want to help, to support, to nurture, to forgive, to allow, to love.......however, many of our kids don't respond to a typical parental expression, they only know how to manipulate to get their needs met. Their brains often work in different, complex ways we cannot grasp. As a result, we have to learn a very different way to connect with them, parent them and be around them...... and we have to learn how to detach from their behaviors and choices.</p><p></p><p>It may be helpful to read the article on detachment a few times and to read some of our stories here. Hang in there......keep posting, it helps.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 699746, member: 13542"] tandemdame, this is very hard, I'm so sorry. Before your daughter is released from the hospital, you and your husband need to put together your strategy as to how you're going to approach this. Do not allow yourself to be broadsided by her demands. Since you have a temporary restraining order, it may be prudent for you to use this time to get very clear on your boundaries. Once she is released and reality sets in, you're likely to begin receiving communications where she will start manipulating you to take her back, pay for whatever she needs, in essence doing what you've always done before. That's where support would be helpful for you, to develop your "tool box" of resources for yourself. You cannot leave anything to her or to chance at this point, if you are ready to begin to detach, your boundaries must be strong and impenetrable. You may want to sit down with your husband and determine what you are willing to do and what you are not willing to do. I have read here that at times the hospital will make every attempt to transfer care to the family, unless the family refuses that responsibility. You may want to figure out just what your stance is before she gets out and tries to make you responsible for her. My daughter exhibits many behaviors that fit quite a few mental illness categories. Quite a number of my relatives have dual diagnoses, often mental illness is a constellation of different labels, and not always easy to pin point..... but regardless of the diagnosis, unless your daughter is psychotic or comatose, she is able to be responsible for her actions. In addition, as I've seen in my own family, just because there ARE medications out there, doesn't mean folks will take them. My sister is bi-polar and refuses to take any medication because she is an artist and she says that the medications kill her creativity. Someone has to be willing to take the medications, experiment with different medications and take the time to figure out which ones work the best. That can take time and certainly a commitment. Not everyone gets on board with that. Non compliance is a big issue. It is so difficult for us parents to understand how many of our adult kids operate, we want to help, to support, to nurture, to forgive, to allow, to love.......however, many of our kids don't respond to a typical parental expression, they only know how to manipulate to get their needs met. Their brains often work in different, complex ways we cannot grasp. As a result, we have to learn a very different way to connect with them, parent them and be around them...... and we have to learn how to detach from their behaviors and choices. It may be helpful to read the article on detachment a few times and to read some of our stories here. Hang in there......keep posting, it helps. [/QUOTE]
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