Sad news

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by rejectedmom, Feb 18, 2008.

  1. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    difficult child blew another opportunity. He had been floundering with his job and wasn't paying his bills. He was told that he needed to have more supervision with his money matters and needed to show his caseworker his paystub every week. He was two months behind on his rent and court fees. Evidently he balked and quit his job altogether. This was on Friday. Then his girlfriend was hospitalized for something not sure what. difficult child went off the deep end and went out and got falling down drunk. He had a drunken black out and has no memory of the night at all. He was so out of it he returned to the group home in this state. I was told he wet himself and knocked over a coffee table and broke a door of a china cabinet while they tried to get him up to his room. The case worker had to report the drinking to difficult child's PO by law. After she called me she came to find out that while blacked out difficult child had mad a phone call to a previous girlfriend (also a client of theirs) and left a threatening message. She called to tell me about this and that the Police were called and were on their way over to arrest him. About twenty minutes later she called back to tell me that difficult child was not arrested but rather issued a warning due to his mental health issues and being in this program. He was told if he ever threatened this gitl again he would be charged with harrassment. Some relief but unfortunately the program has terminated him. They feel they have no choice and I understand their position. They will refer him to a shelter program or another Mental health program and he will be placed out whithin 30 days. But it doesn't end here. difficult child might still be violated on his parole. If he is, he could face up to 5 years in the state prison. It is in the PO's hands once again.

    Poor husband he just got back from the nursing home visiting his alsheimer's afflicted father to get this news. I am worried about him he went to bed got up and hasn't stopped eating since. He lives away from home half the week and will be leaving tonight. Like I said I worry about him since he has a history of depression. -RM
  2. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I hope they factor in that he is without medication and try to get him help rather than just violating him. Are there other programs where he can get some help? I'm so sorry.

  3. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    I doubt that getting difficult child help is going to be a primary issue. The first order of business will be to find him a roof over his head. The first thing the case worker mentioned was just a housing program for people from 18-29. I then asked "what about his mental health issues?" and then she mentioned another program similar to the one she works for and difficult child is currently in. unfortunately the caseworker is on her way out for maturnity leave in a week or two so difficult child will be passed on to another case worker to arrange his new placement. I do not think they will do much of anything until they find out what the PO wants to do. This is difficult child's second incident with drinking since he went to the program. It is very possible that PO will want to violateand send him back to prison. In that case there will be no need for a serch for placement. I won't know anything more till the caseworker talks to the PO. Hopefully that will be tomorrow but possibly not till as late as next week since PO is very hard to get in touch with. As you may remember we have tried everything with difficult child and nothing has worked. No one knows what to do for him anymore and to top it off he is not insured. The paperwork was not filed so that will not help find any new placement.
  4. Ephchap

    Ephchap Active Member

    Awww, RM, I'm so very sorry to hear the latest. Yes, they sure do seem to shoot themselves in the foot, don't they? Arghhh.

    Will keep body parts crossed that they do find another placement for difficult child - one that will be more than just a roof over his head, but is also therapeutic as well. We can hope, right?

    Hugs to you and husband. I hope he realizes that you both tried everything

  5. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Yes Deb, husband knows we have done all that we could have. Acceptance is no longer a problem for us but there is still a bit of frustration and much sadness. Thanks for the hopeful sentiments. -RM
  6. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    Am so sorry RM - Mine has been skating on very thin ice - without medications but always with a beer...sigh..

    I hope they can help find him another placement - its so hard just to see them give up..

  7. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    RM, it's a sinking feeling to see them sabotage yet another possibility at help.
    We go through this too. I hope they find a way to get him help.
    Hope husband gets through this and is a support to you.
  8. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Just a big I'm sorry and a hug for your pain. It hurts to see them throw away the few chances that are out there!
  9. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Oh Marcie isn't it sad that they cannot seem to love themselves enough to help themselves?

    Fran it is very disheartening to watch.

    Everywoman, Thanks for the hug. It is hard to find programs and services and when they are discharged due to non compliance it becomes even harder.

    He called about an hour ago. He is so sad and scared and sorry that he let everyone down. I told him that what he does affects everyone around him and that in order for him to stop hurting the people that he cared about he had to stop hurting himself. I asked him why he didn't love himself enough to give himself a chance and he basically said that it was hard to feel that he was worthy after all he has done. I told him that if we all could forgive him and love him then he should be able to forgive himself and to work on that. He told me that he didn't just drink that he had used pot also. He said that he was going to ask his PO to sign him into a rehab. I told him to try, that it couldn't hurt. He wants to call again tomorrow I told him it was Ok. I might try to see him before his fate is determined to give him a hug before he is sent to rehab or prison whichever PO decides. She knows he is very sick. She knows he cannot function in prison so maybe she will agree to the rehab. I'll know soon.
  10. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    RM, I am so very sorry. Hugs for your hurting heart.

    Marcie, hugs for your hurting heart as well.

    I will keep both kids in my prayer for the addict who still suffers this week.
  11. PonyGirl

    PonyGirl Warrior Parent

    Big (((Hugs))) for you. So sorry for your pain. If it's any consolation, my difficult child actually did 'get better' while in jail. He told me he came to realize he "needed to be stopped". Jail worked when nothing else did. My small comfort was that while he was locked up, he could not endanger anyone else.

    Thinking good thoughts for you & husband, and most of all for your son.
  12. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    BBK, thank you for the prayers. difficult child truly needs divine intervention to learn to love himself and stay out of trouble

    PonyGirl, difficult child was crying last night and asked me how he was going to do prison again. He said that the last time it almost killed him (which is true) I answered "one day at a time and an improved relationship with God and yourself".

    in my opinion, We need a better system. One that doesn't put addicts and the mentally ill in jail for using, but rather into rehabs and psychiatric centers.

    The police officer saw that difficult child didn't belong in jail for this and just issued a warning but the PO is very erratic in her dealings with my son. She can be overly harsh or very caring depending on her mood and stress level at the time of her dealings with my son. She knows his long history of mental health issues and she often discounts it and tells me that it is all an act and that he can do better if he is forced to. Three years into this case and she sees he cannot manage his own life yet she still sometimes reverts back to this opinion in her dealings with him. Consequently, I cannot even begin to predict how she will handle this. I can only wait and see. -RM
  13. gottaloveem

    gottaloveem Active Member

    I am so sorry. I have no great advice. I know how much your mommy heart hurts and it *****. All I can offer you is hugs and a shoulder to lean on when you need to.


  14. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Thank you Lia, I missed the case worker's call today and when I called her back she was on the phone and I was given her voice mail. I left a message but she never called back. I am a litte concerned because we haven't heard from difficult child since Monday before he hung up he had asked if he could call me the next day (tuesday). I think maybe he is being refused access to a phone since I am not a local call. But it is also possible he's been violated and in jail and no one had the decency to let me know. I'll try to get in touch with his caseworker again in the morning. You are right, this Stinks. As if I don't have enough to get me down, my friend who was diagnosis with lung/brain cancer just before Christmas had a doctor appointment today. The chemo isn't working and the cancer has taken over one entire lung and half of the other. She opted to not have any more treatment and only has two weeks to two months left in this world. In addition, I just went to my favorite cousin's funeral a couple of weeks ago who died of lung cancer. She fought courageously to the very end. I gues it is understandable that I'm feeling a bit lost right now. -Kate
  15. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    As you know, I understand the frustration, the anguish, the helplessness that goes with our difficult children. It is such a blankin' waste and "the system" does not "get it". The capriciousness of the assigned PO rings true around here. I wrote easy child/difficult child's PO a letter six months ago. When he got out of jail and went for his lst meeting with the PO she said "Oh, there is a letter from your Gramma in my file." She had never bothered
    to read it before. on the other hand, she is not a "bad" person. Just not the sharpest pin in the pack and working toward retirement. It is all so sad
    and I truly feel for you in my heart. Hugs. DDD
  16. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Thank you DDD, We have walked this long road together for a while now. I'm weary of it as are you and wish we both (and all the other moms who walk this road also) could
    just find a nice spot and pull over for a quiet picnic. -RM