sad --no call from difficult child tonight

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mog, Apr 28, 2010.

  1. mog

    mog Member

    he is suppose to be able to call on Wednesday nights and I look forward to it--do not make plans and make sure there is not "unexpected" guests so I can talk to difficult child. Last week when he called it was way after they gave him his medications and he was barely able to have a conversation. Tonight I got no call and it makes me sad and concerned that maybe something happened that he lost his privileges. I am so frustrated with the other agencies that we have worked with that THEY tell us everything is fine then all of a sudden they send him home claims "so many things happened". Then why not tell us at the meetings. I want --need--to make sure that this place knows that we want to know every little thing that happens to try to break the pattern or confront him and make him realize that he needs to follow the rules to not blow this.
    Ohh!! Please pray that everything is ok and he was just too tired or went to bed before his phone call. I am thinking about calling in the morning to see whats up. I NEED to make sure that they KNOW I am fully involved. -----Right?
  2. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    hugs. I have never dealt with an out of home placement, so I wish I had some super good advice for you. I don't think it would be out of place for you to call and ask for an update? I hope he was just tired and went to bed early.
  3. helpme

    helpme New Member

    sending hugs your way !!!
  4. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    A child cannot lose their right to call their parent/guardian or their attorney. I would call them.
  5. idohope

    idohope Member

    I am sure it was hard waiting for the call and now the wondering. I have no experience with this specific situation but I agree with the others and think you should call. Let us know what you find out if you do.
  6. mog

    mog Member

    Well I called and they said that no one on the unit got to make there calls that night because there was a child having a meltdown. He did call yesterday -he sounds sad--I know that it is not suppose to be a vacation but it still hurts. He thinks that they are going to let him have a pass to come home to do confirmation for church but I do not see that happening which I know is going to upset him. My nephew is out at prom tonight and it hurts because difficult child should be there too. He has cheated himself out of so many things.:(
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Mog, you really need to detach your feelings from what he is going through. Even though he may be upset, sad or having a bad day doesnt mean it has to effect your emotional life. He has done this to himself and he has to get through it.

    I cant tell you how many of our kids will/or have chosen the harder path in life and wont experience all the normal things we wanted them to experience. No proms, no graduation walks, no graduation parties, kids out of wedlock, college is just a dream, jail, probation or parole. Its just life for us. We hope that things will turn around and it can. There are several parents here who are a testament to that.

    But parents have to start detaching and not being codependent on their parent-child relationship. Its not good for either of you. I used to be so enmeshed in my son's problems that if he was having a bad day, I couldnt be happy at all. My moods completely revolved around his. It was crazy. Now, well, I am not thrilled if he makes a stupid decision but it is all on him and I am going to live my life no matter what he does. He is not taking me down with him.
  8. mog

    mog Member

    I have been struggling with that--my whole life revolved around my children all of them and now I hardly ever even hear from them. Since they are close to age I feel like life has abandoned me somewhere in time. I have really been very depressed with all of what is going on not just with difficult child.