Sad to think what the Army is producing

[Jen]

My easy child daughter is in the army. Corection my now difficult child daughter is in the army. she has a husband and a son. What I have learned and what she has become in the 16 weeks with the army is not to my liking. she is all about ME. On the weekends they go out drinking.
She has been home on leave3 and during her 2 weeks she has managed to total her car, never been in an accident before. she has taken off to wehre they used to live 3 times, adn this last time I have caught her in a lie. She told me her girlfriend s from Clevleand going to take her to a place in Pittsdburgh, Penn. What she forgot was that I have both gfs tel number. She lied to me , oh she went, but not with them, and to meet 2 soldiers there. One of each sex. Her girlfriend wasnt even privy to what was going on before, so she called me and brought me up to speed.
We know that she has been thinking of divorce since last fall, and used this as a way out and stay married. then she called and said she wanted a divorce, adn now while home wants to stay together, and have the husband and son move out where she will be stationed for how long?
I am so sick of what she has become, she is not even a who. I have this party planned for her tonight, adn she was to be home at 5, 2 hours before it starts, and now she is telling me I will be there when it starts at 7.
Her friend even now tells me because she is so mad, that my new difficult child talks and hooks up by texting or whatever to any male she comes in contact. the girlfriend said she shows her pics, adn they are real scum of the earth.
I dont know what happened to my easy child daughter because this is not a person I even know.

So sad, adn sick,

Jen

 

[skeeter]

Jen-

Not to negate your pain, but the Army isn't the one causing your daughter to act this way.
Yes, it is somewhat "tradition" that service personnel drink and such. But it doesn't mean they all do. Several weeks ago my son's ship was stationed off of Ft. Lauderdale. Since he doesn't drink or go to "bars", he didn't bother going on shore, he just stayed on ship and didn't bother with the hassle.
Unfortunately, not all the sailors thought as much as he did about it, one evidently got really plastered and fell of a footbridge and drowned.

But again - it's not the Army or the Navy. It's the person.

 

[donna723]

Jen, I don't think you can blame the Army either! It sounds like she's "using" the Army and her newfound freedom to do a lot of h*llraising and to get out of her responsibilities to her marriage and maybe her child too. That's just my opinion and it may not be what you want to hear, but that's the way I see it.

For a lot of young people her age, joining the military or going away to college gives them their first real taste of independence and freedom. How they choose to use it is entirely up to them. Some of them do spend their time drinking and partying, but not all of them. And most of them aren't married with a child! I know that joining the military, for the right reasons, is a very honorable thing to do. But considering everything going on in the world today, I still question it as a good choice for a young married women who has a child to raise.

 

[DDD]

on the other hand, she may be downright frightened now she has made this
scarey committment. It could be delayed PTSD from being around
difficult child and his stress for many years.

Whatever it is, I'm sorry that you now have to worry about her.
Somehow it never seems to level off when you have multiple kids.
DDD

 

[scent of cedar]

Jen, do you think your daughter's behavior could be related to her failing marriage?

I think many of us (both male and female) go off the deep end for a little while after our marriages crash and burn.

Not that this would excuse her behavior, or excuse the other changes you are seeing in your daughter, but I wonder what would happen if you talked to her a little bit about how a failing marriage can mess with our senses of who we are, and with our feelings of worthiness and sexual desirability.

I am sorry, Jen ~ you and your husband have been through so much already.

Barbara

 

[Jen]

Thanks for your replies.I dont mean to blame the Army, but I do know they change the way they think and percieve themselves. I alos know they are taught to repect, and place family first as much as they drill other things in their head. It is we are seeing so much less of that in her then before she left.

It is just beyond words how I am feeling. She was to be back at 5pm, and then she promised she would be back at 7pm. Everyone here and btwn getting lost and traffic, and I know she didnt leave like she was suppose to she never showed til 10pm. She basically did not live up to her end of a bargain tht we had agreed upon.

What it did do is made me appreciate my difficult child more, and I told him so. I told him how important it is to place family first, and that I instilled that in them, I could hear his voice quiver as he heard mine crying.

His life is still a mess with looking at going to court about the overdue child support on the twins, not his daughter.

It is realy time for us to step off of all this. That my family be left alone to just breathe a little. I have more stresses with my family today, then I ever had when they were in school.

Jen

 

[judi]

Jen - you are so right about the stressors that adult kids bring to us. I was in the Navy and hubby was career Air Force. THe military doesn't change you. However, being on your own for the first time with an immense amount of freedom and few responsibilities...can make for some difficult child-like behavior...at least it was for husband and myself.

 

[SunnyFlorida]

Sounds to me like your daughter is having a good time with her new sense of freedom and guaranteed paycheck. Her freedom is her accomplishment in finishing basic training and possibly some schooling, meeting and partying with others who are very close to her. It's like she's in two different worlds. I'm thinking though that both worlds will soon collide. It's only a matter of when.

 

[BusynMember]

Sometimes I think the good ones may be prone to late rebellion. I know my 23 year old daughter put us thru hell, but we're so close now. She says, "I did all that stuff. I don't have to now." Read my post "Still haven't seen ex-easy child son." I hear you.