Sad update

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Nomad, Nov 10, 2009.

  1. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    We presented difficult child with the offer this morning and she was less than grateful. :sad-very: She would not agree to having a caseworker come to her house. It was weird, 'cause she admits to having severe problems in a variety of areas, but says she is embarassed to have someone come to her house and check up on her. I suggested that perhaps this person could come 3x a month and the fourth visit could be at some place nearby like a library...but that did not make her feel better. Worse than anything, she was rude and disrespectful.

    This (rudeness) is not anything I'm inclined to tolerate and these days, neither is husband. So, husband and I simply told her the "deal is off and off permanently." It was a one time offer.

    We told her that if she found a place for her to rent, that when her rent money came in from SSI, we would be happy to pay for rent using her SSI money.

    I will continue looking for group home information and will keep a record of what I find.

    If and only if, difficult child asks for this information, will it be provided for her. I will not offer it, etc.

    husband is totally finished with- her and this time he means it. I can tell. I have been married to him for many years...he means it...big time x10. I am nearly there....

    I am numb....but resigned to it all in a certain way. We have tried, tried and tried some more.

    There have been times difficult child has been willing to help herself grow...but many times that she is not.

    I can not force her to do things that she doesn't want to do.

    IT is concerning and sad because her issues are extreme, her decisions are extreme and the dangers/risk are extreme. I have not posted all that has happened in the last week...some of it I just learned was big surprise.

    I tried my best. All I can do is hope for the best and move forward...
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    ((((hugs)))) Nomad.
  3. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry.
  4. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    We can only do so much unless they are judged incompetant.
    I'm resigned to giving difficult child the information, looking for ways that are helpful to him and letting him make the decision. Sometimes I feel hopeful and other times I feel like a house of cards that will collapse.

    I'm sorry she is being difficult. She is embarrassed by a caseworker but not by having some of the riff raff that she has brought home. Go figure.

    Just keep collecting the info that you find in the event it will be helpful later on.
  5. Star*

    Star* call 911


    For your valiant and noble effort above and beyond you both deserve to do something wonderful for each other. I have no doubts that husband means what he says.

    There needs to be some sort of service out there for kids like ours that just don't function without help - but think they can. I'm so sorry for you and all of us with kids like this. It's heartbreaking I know. WHen you say you're almost there - please know you're not alone.

  6. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry Nomad. You have offered help that is reasonable and will provide her with the best outcome and yet she refuses. There isn't much more you can do. I understand your husband's feelings. Hard as it is, and I do know how hard that is, I guess she will have to continue making her own decisions and living by the consequences.

  7. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry that she is being so short-sighted. It's miserable to watch them do this.
  8. katya02

    katya02 Solace

    I'm sorry, Nomad. {{{hugs}}}
    You and husband have done everything you can ... stand firm and hold onto each other.
  9. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Oh, I am so so sorry. I am in a similar situation, and it is excruciating to watch. We have poured out everything we have to these kids, and yet they just keep going back to their dysfunctional, horrible, self destructive patterns. I don't get it.

    Many hugs.
  10. DenitaS

    DenitaS New Member

    {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}} I know this is NEVER easy! Hang in there and know you are NOT alone!