Sadlady Intro Post

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by SRL, Dec 23, 2007.

  1. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    (I've moved your post to a thread of your own, so answers to two parents won't get confused. SRL)

    "My adopted daughter will be 7 in two weeks. She has ADHD/ODD. She has a total disrespect for me and my husband. Sometimes I am very sorry I adopted her. It's not the way my life was to go. I am 53 years old, patience is limited, my stress level is beyond anything you could ever imagine, I have no family, no friends, and feeling depressed, lonely, etc. When I tell my daughter to do something it's a total nightmare. She doesn't go to sleep at night without taking medicine. She has even pulled all nighters while I slept. I've resorted to the old wooden spoon which does the trick for the moment. I need help - we need help. When does it end? Folks say she'll grow out of it - but I know differently. It's hopeless."
  2. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Welcome sadlady. At 7 it isn't hopeless. It's overwhelming and I'm sure you wish it would end but there is hope.

    We will have a lot of questions before we have suggestions but I'm pretty sure you need a break.

    How old when adopted?
    Did her bio do drugs or alcohol?
    Did she have a regular birth?
    Growth and development were typical?
    Ear problems?
    How does she do in school?
    Does she have outside activities or friends?
    What doctors have evaluated her?
    Who is prescribing medications and what are they?
    What have you tried in terms of behavior modification?
    I know you are desparate and can't think of anything else that will get oppositional behavior to stop but most of us didn't find the wooden spoon achieved anything. This isn't a judgment just fact.

    Does your husband get involved in childcare?

    Please do a signature profile to help us keep everyone straight.
    Again, welcome.
  3. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Well-Known Member

    Hi Sadlady and welcome. My difficult child (Duckie) will be seven in less than a month. I understand why everything feels so hopeless, but it really isn't yet. Your daughter still has time to grow and mature. I think the hardest thing for me is losing my sense of control of my own life, it's very disconcerting. I've had to force myself to carve out time for me so that I can recharge. This has meant my husband has needed to stop playing ostrich and pitch in a lot more than the typical husband. But that's okay because we are both her parents. I also have to agree with Fran, corporal punishment doesn't seem to help our kids but rather makes them more angry.
    Try picking up a copy of The Explosive Child and see if his methods help your family. It helped mine. Things aren't always great, but they are better.
  4. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Popping in to offer you my welcome. I have adopted children & have run the gamut with behaviors & such.

    Hope we can help you sort things out - there are many resources for children adopted from the foster care system.
  5. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm glad you found us. I know that overwhelmed feeling. Things aren't hopeless but I know that feeling as well. The answers to Fran's questions will help us with suggestions. I do know as others have said it is critical to take care of yourself when you have difficult children like ours. I know this is difficult but it can be as simple as a bubble bath, a walk, reading a good book. Do you get any breaks? This is important to. Many hugs to you.
  6. sadlady

    sadlady New Member

    Nikki our daughter age 1 year at adoption time. No bio. Mother just dumped her in a marketplace. No medical history. No nothing on her. She is above average with height and weight for kids her age, she's a straight A student. She is very healthy. No ear problems other than occassionally loosing an ear ring. Nikki does well in school once in awhile not listeninig to teacher. But mostly an excellent student.

    Nikki does advanced gymnastics, 2nd degree red belt in karate 3 bels away from becoming a black belt, and also takes horseback riding lessons. Summer takes swimming lessons.

    Doctors, her pediatrician, neurologist, psycologist, psychiatrist, and soon family counselor.

    Nikki wears during the day a Daytrana patch to keep the ADHD hyperness under control.

    At night she takes Mirtazapine 15 mg along with 5 mg of Melatonin to put her to sleep at night. With out these - she does not go to sleep.

    I recently (yesterday) started the holistic medicine on her - we'll see how that goes.

    Behavior modification = took her to see the horse yesterday for lessons then said she could not ride because of her behavior, she cried for a moment, then that feeling was over and she didn't care. Play room, ninetendo ds, black board, white board, teaching area all been removed and the playroom is off limits. All she has now is coloring books, reading books, and 2 puzzles.

    She needs to earn back her things.

    Yes my husband is a saint. He helps get Nikki ready for school, and when he comes home from work, he helps with homework, puts her in the shower, and puts her to bed and reads a story or two to her. He's really great and he's always here for us when we need him except when he goes on his dam business trips - then I am truly alone and depressed.

    We need help and I just need friends to talk with that understand. My so called friends :censored2:.
  7. Sara PA

    Sara PA New Member

    The Daytrana patch contains the same medication as Ritalin and Concerta. It's a stimulant. She could be keeping it on too long and the medication is interfering with her sleep. Or it could be that she's having stimulant rebound and feeling agitated as it withdraws from her body.

    Mirtazapine/Remeron is an antidepressant. Adverse psychiatric reactions to antidepressants, particularly when taken by children, include mania, anger, agitation, aggression and hostility.

    The question is "Is she better now or before she started taking medication?" Don't just consider her behavior in school, consider the whole person. If she was better before, you need to rethink both the diagnosis and the treatment.
  8. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    In addition to getting help for your daughter, it sounds to me as if you need to find some help for yourself. I say this only out of concern for your well-being. Many of us on this board have had to seek counseling and/or medication help for ourselves so we can effectively parent our extra-challenging children.

    Has Nikki ever had a neuropsychological or multidisciplinary evaluation at a children's or university teaching hospital? Many of us have found these types of evaluations the most effective in pinpointing an accurate diagnosis and generating interventions appropriate to that diagnosis.

    Welcome! I'm glad you found us.
  9. sadlady

    sadlady New Member

    No but I am open for suggestions. Never heard of such things. I need to be more educated please feel free to fill me in.
  10. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Nikki, glad you found this forum - sorry you're having such a rough time, especially through the holidays. Just wondering, what kind of doctor (pediatrician??) has been prescribing the medications your difficult child is on?? What kind of evaluation was this presription based on?