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<blockquote data-quote="Erinee98" data-source="post: 704487" data-attributes="member: 21152"><p>I'm glad it worked out for your daughter that she quit on her own when you kicked her out. But we have personal experience that it can work the opposite way. My ex's father was kicked out, and he never came home again, had fun partying, didn't really care, died penniless and homeless from cancer. I'm not willing to risk never seeing my son again until we've actually taken steps to help him first. If he doesn't want to do it, so be it. I realize there is nothing I can do. But as long as he is doing what we are asking him to do, I want to give him the chance to do it. I don't see how he will even have the resources to change it we just kick him out immediately.</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry my post was so long and you didn't get to the steps we are taking. We are not letting this slide. There are very specific things he has to do to stay at home. I want to be clear that I don't think for one second that I can fix it, nor do I think this is going to be easy. I think I said in my post that is the hardest thing about it, the feelings of helplessness. That is why I sought this group out. We will certainly be getting family therapy, but this was the most immediate place I could find for support. I know that if he doesn't want to follow the steps we've laid out, he can choose to leave, whether we want him to or not. At the moment he seems amenable. We know we can't force it, but those are simply things we've told him he has to do if he wants to live at home. If he doesn't do them, he can't stay. I don't think we are being lenient. We laid down the criteria he needs to follow to stay at home and for us not to go to the police. We are offering help if he wants it. If he doesn't want help, he's made the choice to leave.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Erinee98, post: 704487, member: 21152"] I'm glad it worked out for your daughter that she quit on her own when you kicked her out. But we have personal experience that it can work the opposite way. My ex's father was kicked out, and he never came home again, had fun partying, didn't really care, died penniless and homeless from cancer. I'm not willing to risk never seeing my son again until we've actually taken steps to help him first. If he doesn't want to do it, so be it. I realize there is nothing I can do. But as long as he is doing what we are asking him to do, I want to give him the chance to do it. I don't see how he will even have the resources to change it we just kick him out immediately. I'm sorry my post was so long and you didn't get to the steps we are taking. We are not letting this slide. There are very specific things he has to do to stay at home. I want to be clear that I don't think for one second that I can fix it, nor do I think this is going to be easy. I think I said in my post that is the hardest thing about it, the feelings of helplessness. That is why I sought this group out. We will certainly be getting family therapy, but this was the most immediate place I could find for support. I know that if he doesn't want to follow the steps we've laid out, he can choose to leave, whether we want him to or not. At the moment he seems amenable. We know we can't force it, but those are simply things we've told him he has to do if he wants to live at home. If he doesn't do them, he can't stay. I don't think we are being lenient. We laid down the criteria he needs to follow to stay at home and for us not to go to the police. We are offering help if he wants it. If he doesn't want help, he's made the choice to leave. [/QUOTE]
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