I woke up today with a nervous feeling in my stomach and a bit shaky. Saturday will be 2 weeks since we have seen my daughter!!! She has never been gone this long before. I have had a few good days, trying not to worry or even think about her at all. I have been really working on letting go and then today I woke up with that uneasy feeling again. I guess I will have good days and bad days. Today is a bad one. It rained a lot here yesterday and all last night, I couldn't help but worry if she was safe and warm, indoors somewhere. How on earth is she eating and changing her clothes? She left my house with absolutely nothing but the clothes on her back!! Yesterday was court. I couldn't go as my son woke up sick. My husband was in training in the city and my mom had an appointment., I had no one to watch him. So my sw went for me. They put a bench warrant out for her. So now we are just waiting to hear from her. She is in even bigger trouble now than she was. I truly don't think she realizes the consequences of missing a court date. She is still under the impression that when she is 18 she can just sign herself right out of the system. Yeah - the family court system, NOT the criminal court system. Just more evidence that she is not very mature. Her logic is a bit twisted. It is very sad. While I don't think jail is the right place for her to be getting better, at least if she is in jail I will know where she is. I think she will be safer in jail than on the streets. At this point there are no other options. She ruined her chance, the DA was willing to try to help her, she burned that bridge!!! It is just so sad to think about all of the services this kid had at her finger tips and she didn't utilize any of them!!! Her life didn't have to be this bad. She has every resource my county offers to the mentally ill, she chose to throw her life in the toilet rather than use those services to her advantage. It breaks my heart. Well it truly is time for me to detach, detach, detach!!! There just isn't anything left that I can do. My sw has advised me to save my energy. She doesn't want me to look for my daughter or call her friends to try to track her down. She says that my daughter knows how to get in touch with me and if she wants to she will. It's just very hard to sit back and do nothing!!! I pray to God that nothing horrible happens to her while she is out there. I just have this awful feeling I won't be seeing her for a very long time. Christmas will be hard. Then her birthday follows. February 16, she will be a legal adult. That is scary!!! She has the mind of a 14 year old with all the rights of an adult. The legal adult age should be 21 not 18, especially for children with mental illness. Even when she is 21 she will only be about 17 in her mind. She is very inmature!!! She has no business being out on the streets. She is just so vulnerable. I am very scared for her. I guess today is just not going to be one of my good days! Thanks for letting me vent.