Oh MarCar, that is so hard. I am the same kind of mom and I had to let my son be homeless hoping he would get low enough to pull himself back up, but he never did and you saw he is in jail. In any event, no matter what I might try, I couldn’t help him unless he was willing to help himself and apparently he still wasn’t willing and now he’s compromised himself so bad with drugs, and is so mentally ill that he can’t help himself. And sadly, neither can we…still.
Does your son either have access to places where he could get a meal or to some money? Every situation is different and we all have our own boundaries, but my relationship with my son was ok, even when he was homeless, as weird as that sounds. So I would occasionally take him food or meet him and buy him a meal (not give money). And we would have a chance to talk. Is that something you could do for your son without feeling like you’re enabling him?
In my case, it was a strange situation for sure, but I sort of had to meet him where he was. He knows he could never live in our home again and probably wouldn’t want to as he disregards rules with abandon. As long as he was respectful I was ok with meeting him. (My tears would come later)
This is hard to do if your son still really wants to live in the home or is disrespectful to you. But in my case, my son sort of embraced the homeless life, like so many of these kids do, and appreciated the food. We don’t understand it.
Hugs to you