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Say "no."
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 648139" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>I know 2m2r, I'm still working on it too. I'm practicing saying, "no, I'm not able to do that." Or "No, I can't do it." Period. It's interesting that the 'other' will sometimes pause and wait for an explanation too so you're both left in that awkward silence where your explanation and justification use to be. If I can get through that awkward moment, I'm usually okay. Then I have to prepare for the 'other' actually asking me "why not?" In which case I don't want to resort to what my parents said, "because I said so," so I am working on saying "well, that's what feels right to me now." I have to figure out the script beforehand, so I am not left unprepared. Until I get better at it and can trust my first response to be a direct hit NO. </p><p></p><p>I've seen that when I am absolutely clear in my NO, then no one questions me. But, if I have <em>any </em>doubts, then...........well the 'other' senses that and continues asking "why not" trying to break down my "no." So, for me, clarity and conviction in my saying no is the way for me to proceed. The only person now who I have trouble with is my granddaughter who is used to me giving a lot to her. </p><p></p><p>Those boundaries I set with my daughter have worked very well in my ability to say no in many different scenarios, in particular I've noticed in my job where folks were just used to me being willing to take on more and more. It's very empowering to say a resounding "NO" and mean it!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 648139, member: 13542"] I know 2m2r, I'm still working on it too. I'm practicing saying, "no, I'm not able to do that." Or "No, I can't do it." Period. It's interesting that the 'other' will sometimes pause and wait for an explanation too so you're both left in that awkward silence where your explanation and justification use to be. If I can get through that awkward moment, I'm usually okay. Then I have to prepare for the 'other' actually asking me "why not?" In which case I don't want to resort to what my parents said, "because I said so," so I am working on saying "well, that's what feels right to me now." I have to figure out the script beforehand, so I am not left unprepared. Until I get better at it and can trust my first response to be a direct hit NO. I've seen that when I am absolutely clear in my NO, then no one questions me. But, if I have [I]any [/I]doubts, then...........well the 'other' senses that and continues asking "why not" trying to break down my "no." So, for me, clarity and conviction in my saying no is the way for me to proceed. The only person now who I have trouble with is my granddaughter who is used to me giving a lot to her. Those boundaries I set with my daughter have worked very well in my ability to say no in many different scenarios, in particular I've noticed in my job where folks were just used to me being willing to take on more and more. It's very empowering to say a resounding "NO" and mean it!! [/QUOTE]
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