Scared for my child and for me

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by empty, Oct 10, 2010.

  1. empty

    empty Guest

    My eleven year old is ADHD and who knows what else. He takes Focalin. His dad and I are divorced. When he returns home after visiting his dad he is out of control. The ex does not give him his medications. He got home at less than three hours ago and I've been punched in the back numerous times, had a bean bag thrown at me, had Dr. Pepper spit and thrown on me, been bitten.

    Help me please. I'm at the end of my rope. I love my son but he's killing me.
  2. Jena

    Jena New Member

    hi and welcome. great place you have found alot of great parents and alot of support.

    have you been divorced long? your ex not complying with medications is not good. not only do you have to go through torture upon return of your child but he also sends your child (difficult child) we call them here gift from god mixed signals.

    do you have anything legal pertaining to medication compliance on dad's part??
  3. Jena

    Jena New Member

    second thought........ since your child is medicated me must have a pyschdoc. i did this with my ex. i went to my pyschiatrist and i had him write a letter to my ex h stating our child's diagnosis and the importance of complying with the medication due to harming the child if he did not.

    that worked for me. you could try that. than if that doesn't work you would unfortunately have to go legal. yet if you haven't tried this approach yet i'd go with that. it's less expensive and alot easier.
  4. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Hi and welcome, empty. Miss KT's father (aka Useless Boy) was very slow to hop on the medication bandwagon. Is there anything in your divorce paperwork that will force the ex to follow the dosing schedule? Or can you modify visitation until he agrees to comply?

    I hear you...I hated the days when Miss KT came back from those weekends. Hugs.
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi there and welcome.
    Who diagnosed him? Has he ever seen a neuropsychologist? Sounds like a lot more going on than ADHD to me...
  6. shellyd67

    shellyd67 Active Member

    I have to agree with Midwest Mom ... this sounds like much more than ADHD. If you were to skip difficult child's medication one day at home with you does he react violently?
  7. Jena

    Jena New Member

    you gotta address the issue of ex h first though. regardless of what medication you have him on ex h has to get on board with-it. it's actually illegal for him not to comply with-medications prescribed by a dr. that's first thing you gotta do. than you can readdress issue of medications. ex's bite bigtime.
  8. empty

    empty Guest

    Thanks for the replies. Ds had a full neuropsychologist evaluation several years ago and was diagnosed with ADHD and a receptive learning delay. With the help of his speech teach at school the learning delay is no longer an issue. He is testing where he should be.

    We've only been divorced a year and xh is as challenging as ever. The divorce papers state that he has to give ds his medications.

    I worry that ds has other issues and have made an appointment with a child psychiatrist. His counselor made this referral. I'm not sure he is taking the right medications. He's adopted and I believe his biological father and girlfriend both had/have anger issues. I love my boy with all my heart and want to help him.

    I think xh talks about me the entire time he's with ds. Ds has recently told me that he read the divorce papers............this is an eleven year old. XH also told him that our marital problems started when he was born and xh didn't get as much attention. Like I said I"ve just found this out.

    I have an appointment with my attorney early next week to address these issues.
  9. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Good that you have an appointment. File a contempt regarding the medication issues. If it's in the court order, it's required. Period. Seriously, this isn't like some of the stuff we have been through with the kids' bio, where we go to court because we didn't pay her for the hotel rooms, etc. But this is a MEDICAL ISSUE. We did take bio to court to stop her having unnecessary surgery on Jett.

    I myself am not a big fan of medications, but if your son needs it, he needs it! Also - regarding the court paperwork - I would not worry about him having read it. But in my opinion - your ex needs to shut it regarding your "problems". If your son were a little older, ex would sound like a fool - "YOU took away the attention from ME"... Uh, DUH. And that's awfully selfish of him.

    Will your court go for supervised visitation? And also - can you prove that ex is not giving son medications?

    Divorce is horrible. I've heard of ONE CASE where people get along (well), and it's just weird. I haven't talked to my ex since before I filed...
  10. Bluemoon

    Bluemoon Guest

    Glad you are going to be talking to a lawyer. Your X is breaking alot of rules. He is not allowed to interfere in your relationship with your child...which he is doing if he is badmouthing you in front of him, and for him to basically blame the child for the troubles ya'll had is cruel and abusive to your son. Children struggle enough not to blame themselves when a divorce happens...then this jerk tells him it's his fault? What an idiot!
    Not giving him his medications? That's a BIG no-no!
    Document all this stuff..dates, times, what happened and who said what...but not how you feel about it. Just the facts. It will help you to present a clear and concise case to your lawyer and the courts if needed. Good luck.
  11. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    If he was adopted, did his birthmother take drugs or drink during her pregnancy? in my opinion this neuropsychologist evaluation sounds like it wasn't a very good one. My son had a ten hour test. How long was your son's? Adopted kids are very complicated because of the fact that their birthmother often did not take care of herself while pregnant and that alone can cause problems that may look behavioral or like mental illness, but is really related to drug or alcohol use before the child was born. The divorce doesn't help. Any child who is different will have more trouble with changes, but if he was exposed to drugs in utero, that is likely a huge part of this.