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scared of my 18y.o.
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 724331" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>No, you are not crazy. This time of year people want to feel all warm and fuzzy. I think your daughter is wanting that "feeling". It's very easy for our adult difficult children to not see the chaos they have caused. If your daughter is like my son she will not only not see it but can't understand why we the parents can't just "let it go".</p><p>Just because she claims she wants to "make up" does not mean you have to buy into it.</p><p></p><p></p><p>I've been through this with my son as well. He has posted things on FB that make me look the meanest and coldest person on the planet. Here's my take on it, people that really know you will not think twice about things that she says. Those that buy into her line of thinking are not worth your time. You should never have to defend yourself or your actions.</p><p></p><p></p><p>This may be true for some but not all. I have 3 grands that I love dearly but that does not outweigh the love I have for my son. Just because I love my grands does not mean that if down the road they turn into difficult adults that I won't distance myself from them if I feel the need to do so.</p><p>I think your dad has rose colored glasses on where your daughter is concerned. Sadly the only way he would probably see things differently would be for your daughter to treat him the way she has treated you.</p><p></p><p></p><p>You have to develop some thick skin to not let these kinds of comments bother you. I've had to endure the same kind of comments from people. Rather than trying to defend myself or explain, I would reply to them "I hope you never have to find out what it's like"</p><p></p><p>As for your relationship with your daughter, that is no ones business but yours. If they persist be honest and to the point. When I had family members questioning me as to why I wouldn't let my son move back home I told them, I cannot have someone live in my home that I cannot trust. When they asked why I told them, because my son has stolen from me and damaged my property. I remember one family member saying "not son's name, he would never do that, he's so sweet" To which I replied, your lucky you have never seen the other side of him.</p><p>It's also okay to get to the point where you tell them, "I'm not going to discuss this with you"</p><p></p><p>This is not easy having to deal with our difficult adult children. The chaos they cause in our lives is like throwing a stone into a calm body of water, there are so many ripples, their actions sometimes lead into other relationships being strained. </p><p></p><p>I'm glad you shared and vented, it does us good to get it out!</p><p></p><p>I think you sound very strong. Stand firm in your choices.</p><p></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/notalone.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":notalone:" title="notalone :notalone:" data-shortname=":notalone:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 724331, member: 18516"] No, you are not crazy. This time of year people want to feel all warm and fuzzy. I think your daughter is wanting that "feeling". It's very easy for our adult difficult children to not see the chaos they have caused. If your daughter is like my son she will not only not see it but can't understand why we the parents can't just "let it go". Just because she claims she wants to "make up" does not mean you have to buy into it. I've been through this with my son as well. He has posted things on FB that make me look the meanest and coldest person on the planet. Here's my take on it, people that really know you will not think twice about things that she says. Those that buy into her line of thinking are not worth your time. You should never have to defend yourself or your actions. This may be true for some but not all. I have 3 grands that I love dearly but that does not outweigh the love I have for my son. Just because I love my grands does not mean that if down the road they turn into difficult adults that I won't distance myself from them if I feel the need to do so. I think your dad has rose colored glasses on where your daughter is concerned. Sadly the only way he would probably see things differently would be for your daughter to treat him the way she has treated you. You have to develop some thick skin to not let these kinds of comments bother you. I've had to endure the same kind of comments from people. Rather than trying to defend myself or explain, I would reply to them "I hope you never have to find out what it's like" As for your relationship with your daughter, that is no ones business but yours. If they persist be honest and to the point. When I had family members questioning me as to why I wouldn't let my son move back home I told them, I cannot have someone live in my home that I cannot trust. When they asked why I told them, because my son has stolen from me and damaged my property. I remember one family member saying "not son's name, he would never do that, he's so sweet" To which I replied, your lucky you have never seen the other side of him. It's also okay to get to the point where you tell them, "I'm not going to discuss this with you" This is not easy having to deal with our difficult adult children. The chaos they cause in our lives is like throwing a stone into a calm body of water, there are so many ripples, their actions sometimes lead into other relationships being strained. I'm glad you shared and vented, it does us good to get it out! I think you sound very strong. Stand firm in your choices. :notalone: [/QUOTE]
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