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Scared to death
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 623957" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I agree with DDD. His behavior will not change. He will be a danger to your little ones. Could even end up like it did with us and, trust me, he will be good at hiding it and scaring them into silence.</p><p></p><p>I would take the younger kids and leave before I'd let this child live with them. Sadly, this will be a choice between your husband's guilt and denial and your children's safety. If he does something really dangerous in your custody, to your own younger kids or to a child even in the neighborhood or in school, CPS could step in and threaten to take your other children away from you because of him or even because of lies he tells about you abusing him.</p><p></p><p>Maybe if you leave with the litltle ones, husband will come to his senses. If not, at least you saved your younger ones from whatever he may do. Cruelty to animals is a huge danger signal for psychopathy. And, yes, children can exhibit it. And they like to pick on the vulnerable...the elderly and the very young and animals. Your husband can not change him. And your little ones will be terrified of him. You can not discipline or control a child who is as big and old as he is and who obviously has no conscience. He will control your entire family. You won't be able to change his behavior. He will change yours. And the older and bigger he gets, the more of a danger he will be to all of you. I beg you not to do this.</p><p></p><p>I told you my story. I also know of a well meaning family who fostered an eight year old who exhibited the same sort of symptoms as our kids. He burned their house down. While it was burning, he turned to her and said, "Hey, can we go to McDonalds?" He had no idea at the severity at what he had done and she actually had to be pulled off of him as she tried to choke him. That's what living with that kind of insanity can do to a normal, loving human being. She heard about him when he was sixteen...still the same. When he talks about how he burned their house down, he thinks it's very funny and does not "get" how serious it was.</p><p></p><p>They had to live in a hotel for several months. Obviously, they told the agency to take the child somewhere else. He killed a few animals in that fire and she was lucky she had been able to save her grandchildren.</p><p></p><p>They don't know how he got ahold of a lighter as they hid them all from him. When asked, he was vague, but appears he stole it from a store. BEWARE!</p><p></p><p>There is no sane way to cope with this behavior, living with this sort of craziness. You will have to turn your house into your own Residential Treatment Center (RTC) with monitors in every room and alarms on doors so he can't wander at night and that may not be enough. You need to make 100% sure he is never alone with either child, even in the dead of night. You will be living like a prisoner in your home. If you have any animals, even just a hamster, rehome it. He will probably harm or kill it. Make sure your fire alarms work well and have a fire plan. What he is doing in grandma's home he will do in yours. If he needs to, he will sneak, but he will do it and as he gets older, he will escalate.</p><p></p><p>Think very hard and love and luck to you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 623957, member: 1550"] I agree with DDD. His behavior will not change. He will be a danger to your little ones. Could even end up like it did with us and, trust me, he will be good at hiding it and scaring them into silence. I would take the younger kids and leave before I'd let this child live with them. Sadly, this will be a choice between your husband's guilt and denial and your children's safety. If he does something really dangerous in your custody, to your own younger kids or to a child even in the neighborhood or in school, CPS could step in and threaten to take your other children away from you because of him or even because of lies he tells about you abusing him. Maybe if you leave with the litltle ones, husband will come to his senses. If not, at least you saved your younger ones from whatever he may do. Cruelty to animals is a huge danger signal for psychopathy. And, yes, children can exhibit it. And they like to pick on the vulnerable...the elderly and the very young and animals. Your husband can not change him. And your little ones will be terrified of him. You can not discipline or control a child who is as big and old as he is and who obviously has no conscience. He will control your entire family. You won't be able to change his behavior. He will change yours. And the older and bigger he gets, the more of a danger he will be to all of you. I beg you not to do this. I told you my story. I also know of a well meaning family who fostered an eight year old who exhibited the same sort of symptoms as our kids. He burned their house down. While it was burning, he turned to her and said, "Hey, can we go to McDonalds?" He had no idea at the severity at what he had done and she actually had to be pulled off of him as she tried to choke him. That's what living with that kind of insanity can do to a normal, loving human being. She heard about him when he was sixteen...still the same. When he talks about how he burned their house down, he thinks it's very funny and does not "get" how serious it was. They had to live in a hotel for several months. Obviously, they told the agency to take the child somewhere else. He killed a few animals in that fire and she was lucky she had been able to save her grandchildren. They don't know how he got ahold of a lighter as they hid them all from him. When asked, he was vague, but appears he stole it from a store. BEWARE! There is no sane way to cope with this behavior, living with this sort of craziness. You will have to turn your house into your own Residential Treatment Center (RTC) with monitors in every room and alarms on doors so he can't wander at night and that may not be enough. You need to make 100% sure he is never alone with either child, even in the dead of night. You will be living like a prisoner in your home. If you have any animals, even just a hamster, rehome it. He will probably harm or kill it. Make sure your fire alarms work well and have a fire plan. What he is doing in grandma's home he will do in yours. If he needs to, he will sneak, but he will do it and as he gets older, he will escalate. Think very hard and love and luck to you. [/QUOTE]
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