Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Scared
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 633985" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Tearyeyed, warm hugs. I am glad you know that he is alive. The fact that difficult child is "somewhere" has grown to be a comforting fact for me. Somewhere like jail, like in a motel, in a rehab, at work. Just somewhere definite, even for a few hours, instead of "out there."</p><p></p><p>Headlights gave you great thoughts.</p><p></p><p>I do exactly the same thing as she does. FB messages (he has no phone but always borrows lots of different phones to call) and then we have a jail app here that is on my phone now. </p><p></p><p>Teary, I don't go to court dates anymore. Early on, I went to all of it. There is lots of waiting, and then you just watch and hear what happens. You don't get to talk to them. You don't testify or say anything. And the cost of all of that waiting, listening to the other cases, and seeing them in handcuffs and orange jumpsuits is very difficult. I truly see no benefit. You can call the court office at the end of the day and ask about his outcome. So you don't have to be there to find out what happens.</p><p></p><p>I also don't put money on jail accounts anymore. been there done that. Once I found out that they use the money and things they buy when they play cards for the winner, I stopped. </p><p></p><p>I also used to have books mailed directly to him via the publisher/Amazon---here that is the only way to provide books. I haven't done that in a long time.</p><p></p><p>I also haven't visited him at all the last couple of times.</p><p></p><p>I have written postcards. We can no longer send letters, because evidently people put drugs in letters, so now it's just postcards.</p><p></p><p>I have learned these lessons along the way and have slowly stopped doing much at all when he is in jail. He has been in jail 8 or 9 times at this point---honestly don't know the exact number.</p><p></p><p>***************</p><p></p><p>Here is how I try to think about jail. He is "somewhere." He has three meals. He has a bed. He has a roof over his head. He is likely not getting drugs in jail or alcohol. He is safer than being out on the street. When he is in jail now, I relax. </p><p></p><p>When difficult child is in jail, I really ramp up my life. My work on myself, my small pleasures, more exercise, more lunches/evenings out with girlfriends, more kindnesses, more work. It is now a better time for me than when he is not in jail. </p><p></p><p>The phone doesn't ring with the endless needs and questions and asks for help. </p><p></p><p>I always try to close each conversation with I love you. He says it too. It's one thing we both can agree on.</p><p></p><p>Warm hugs. Please be kind to yourself today. Do at least one nice thing for YOU.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 633985, member: 17542"] Tearyeyed, warm hugs. I am glad you know that he is alive. The fact that difficult child is "somewhere" has grown to be a comforting fact for me. Somewhere like jail, like in a motel, in a rehab, at work. Just somewhere definite, even for a few hours, instead of "out there." Headlights gave you great thoughts. I do exactly the same thing as she does. FB messages (he has no phone but always borrows lots of different phones to call) and then we have a jail app here that is on my phone now. Teary, I don't go to court dates anymore. Early on, I went to all of it. There is lots of waiting, and then you just watch and hear what happens. You don't get to talk to them. You don't testify or say anything. And the cost of all of that waiting, listening to the other cases, and seeing them in handcuffs and orange jumpsuits is very difficult. I truly see no benefit. You can call the court office at the end of the day and ask about his outcome. So you don't have to be there to find out what happens. I also don't put money on jail accounts anymore. been there done that. Once I found out that they use the money and things they buy when they play cards for the winner, I stopped. I also used to have books mailed directly to him via the publisher/Amazon---here that is the only way to provide books. I haven't done that in a long time. I also haven't visited him at all the last couple of times. I have written postcards. We can no longer send letters, because evidently people put drugs in letters, so now it's just postcards. I have learned these lessons along the way and have slowly stopped doing much at all when he is in jail. He has been in jail 8 or 9 times at this point---honestly don't know the exact number. *************** Here is how I try to think about jail. He is "somewhere." He has three meals. He has a bed. He has a roof over his head. He is likely not getting drugs in jail or alcohol. He is safer than being out on the street. When he is in jail now, I relax. When difficult child is in jail, I really ramp up my life. My work on myself, my small pleasures, more exercise, more lunches/evenings out with girlfriends, more kindnesses, more work. It is now a better time for me than when he is not in jail. The phone doesn't ring with the endless needs and questions and asks for help. I always try to close each conversation with I love you. He says it too. It's one thing we both can agree on. Warm hugs. Please be kind to yourself today. Do at least one nice thing for YOU. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Scared
Top