School annoyance. But am I wrong?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by keista, Sep 29, 2011.

  1. keista

    keista New Member

    Son was removed from science last week
    He was place it a credit retrieval class and pending his acceptance into a virtual science class, he was to work on his Algebra summer school course.
    Tuesday evening I found out that he was placed in a virtual class, and I gave him his login information so he could get started Wednesday.
    Wednesday he came home complaining that not only they would not let him start his science, but they told him he had to finish the algebra first.
    I emailed my concerns this morning to the guidance counselor.
    In her return email she stated that she asked me to tell her when he was accepted and then they would get him started.
    Ok, so I screwed up. I forgot to send the email.

    But then the "WTF?" moment hit me. This is the same woman who is always telling me she's encouraging son to self-advocate. I'd say showing up to school and saying he has the login info and he's been accepted and he's ready to start science is pretty good self-advocating. BUT they refuse him. Wouldn't even let him log on to see if it was true.

    So how in the world is a child (anyone) supposed to self-advocate when no one lets them? GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR this specific incidence is really a non-issue, but I will bring it up at the IEP meeting when they bring up him self-advocating.

    Aside from the fact that it's not good for my stress levels, am I wrong to be getting really annoyed with this?
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    I know. been there done that. Back in the days when every single thing he ever told the teachers was true, nobody believed him. So he started telling them what they wanted to hear - and got branded as a liar, because they caught him telling things that were not true (but were what he thought they wanted to hear). Fast forward about 6 years, and school is complaining that... 1) he lies about everything, and 2) he has to learn to self advocate. So... I start tracking back the "lies"... and at least 50% are not lies, but they don't believe him. But, of course, school does nothing wrong.

    A long time ago, I ran into a wise quote that I can't even quote properly anymore... but the gist of it is this:

    Getting mad at somebody is a form of intimacy.
    1) Are you really sure you want to be intimate with this person or group?
    2) Are you going to solve anything by getting mad?
    If you can't honestly answer positively to at least one of those two questions... then there's no point getting mad.
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Oh gosh no. As the mama, you think wholistically and at least for me, I think we just have to grab every opportunity (especially when there are maybe not as many as there are for non-difficult child kids) to help them grow. It would bug me too and I would do the same, put it on my agenda for the next conference or review or IEP meeting.

    It doesn't seem like a non issue, just because it isn't as life altering as some of the bigger ones you may have had. If it means something to you then it is something. Maybe not something to lose sleep over, but something to file away to discuss as you said. Certainly our moods or the number of issues we have can make many things feel a lot bigger than they are, so sometimes I do check myself just in case I'm over the top on something. Not always easy to tell.
  4. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    I'd be slightly annoyed too.
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Why not call this person and ask her to explain self advocacy as it applies to your son in her care. You thought it meant that he should tell her he is set up for science and is ready for help, but when he told her he had the login info, he was told he couldn't do it. then you were told you were supposed to tell them when he had the info - how is he supposed to self advocate when they won't listen to him and act when he does?

    I would let her explain it. Then chop up her non-action and irrational explanations and feed them back with a big dose of logic. I used to LOVE to watch my mother do this. She chopped up a self-important vice principal in front of me once - never raised her voice, never used a bad word, used his own explanation and the school rules, school mission statement, etc... to feed him his liver. Never have I seen someone that shocked - he was truly terrified of her after that - even 20 yrs later when he was the principal at a school my dad taught at.
  6. keista

    keista New Member

    Thanks all.

    Insane, I've heard variations of #2, but never #1 - the intimacy thing. And it is true. Basically why I'm not over the top ranting about this incident. It happened, it's over, no serious trauma. BUT it needs to and will be addressed.

    Buddy, that's why I'm checking. I have been feeling "out of whack" lately. Getting everyone's input is very helpful.

    Susie, I'm hoping to do just that. I hope I succeed. I do well with that with all sorts of other debate topics, so I hope I can pull it off when it gets brought up.

    Thanks again!