School continuity for siblings when difficult child has to change schools

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by bluetik, Jun 7, 2011.

  1. bluetik

    bluetik Guest

    I am just wondering what some experiences are with my situation. I just received notification that my son's school choice privilege has been revoked for the 2011/2012 school year. He will be entering 3rd grade and is 8 years old. He has been attending this magnet school for three years (in fact, I bought a house specifically so we could be close to the school -- bah).

    I have not yet decided whether to place him in our zoned public school or a private school setting. My question is regarding what to do with my daughter, who is finishing up Kindergarten at the same magnet school. Should I attempt to provide her with some continuity by leaving her in the current setting, or should she change schools with my son? I'm just wondering how others have handled this situation.

    Am I upset with the school and the principal right now? Yes, especially since he blatantly mis-represented his intentions toward my son at our last IEP meeting. However, I don't want my feelings to cloud my judgment about what is in the best interest of my daughter.
  2. keista

    keista New Member

    Sorry about your situation. These so called educators really burn me up.

    I'm the type that would be inclined to pull my daughter from that school as well. If my son is not "good enough" for them, well then neither is my daughter.

    From a practical standpoint, you'd have double the work, 2 pickups, 2 drop offs. Even if they are both bussed, the schedules could be different. Could end up with conflicts of school activities - plays concerts, after school clubs etc. At her young age and grade, a big change would be easier to deal with. If the school decides to pull the same shenanigans on her a few years down the road, once she's more settled in, the change would be much more difficult..
  3. aeroeng

    aeroeng Mom of Three

    We always found it best when we could separate them. Thus if the school is a good fit for your daughter and if you can manage it, I would keep her there (Despite the principle). Having a difficult child for a brother can be very difficult for her. Going to a different school, would give her a chance to get away from the difficult child and develop her own childhood.
  4. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    If the current school is a good fit for your daughter, I'd leave her there. I think ultimately it ended up being a very good thing that my difficult child never attended the same school as my other kids (well, he was in our elementary school for about 12 months, but by the time my next kiddo got there, thank you was all but forgotten). I think every opportunity should be taken to give your easy child as much normalcy as possible. If you wouldn't have moved her after K anyway, I wouldn't do it now. Sometimes life with- difficult children dictates way too much of our pcs' lives, so I definitely would try to let her do her thing, apart from/in spite of difficult child.

    And not to be too negative, but if your difficult child is not able to function in the next school placement, is it fair to move your daughter once again?
  5. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I would leave your daughter there. Growing up in the shadow of a difficult child-sibling is tough. Once my kids hit 7th grade they were finally at a school where Kanga hadn't been before them, both Eeyore and Piglet expressed how great it was not to have to worry about who was going to ask them about Kanga or, worse yet, say that they were like her in any way.

    And, as slsh said, what about any future moves? difficult children are notorious for changing schools.
  6. BeachPeace

    BeachPeace Guest

    I agree with the posters who support different schools. After Blue was kicked out of Indigo's school - we did the 2 school tango. Then we moved and started them over in the same school - guess what - problems again with both .....
    Now Indigo is homeschooled (her choice) and Blue is at the local school, however he is now in a self-contained classroom for his learning disabilities and emotional problems. That was a huge blessing - he just can't function in a general classroom.
  7. bluetik

    bluetik Guest

    Thanks for your feedback, everyone. You won't believe this, but he doesn't have to change schools after all. I finally got over my indignation enough to call the school's principal, and apparently a bunch of these letters went out to people who were not supposed to get them -- an "administrative error". Geez... a week of misery for nothing. Lesson learned - if I get a letter like this again, call the principal FIRST, before I set up appointments to tour other schools, etc.

    Luckily, I hadn't said anything about it to my son yet, so he is none the wiser.

    Thanks again!