Since the start of this semester, mid-January, difficult child has been doing poorly. Seems depressed at home, no longer wanting to go to guitar lessons which he likes, not doing school work in science and history primarily but that has started to spread to all subjects. Have not been doing to therapist/psychiatrist as for over a year he's done very well. Had a meeting at school last Thurs., he didn't go Friday due to doctor appointments. I had said I would try get him to do homework, and Monday night this ended in meltdown and I stipped his room of electronics etc. Honestly I stripped his electronics primarily because he started hitting the walls and throwing things and I was afraid he'd break something expensive. I just don't think I can do the making him do school work thing anymore, my stomach has been upset for 2 days, and I cry over things at the drop of a hat. Got a call from the school counsellor right after I sent an email to his TA, he's not having a good day and they're considering sending him home. (copies of our emails the last day following if you want to read them) Will wait and see if he improves and if not will give me a call, which she has just done so I guess I'm off to school to take him home. I am so at a loss right now. Anything I'm missing, any suggestions? Just don't know what to do with this 6'1" boy/man child of mine. *********** From: 'chelle To: TA Subject: RE: difficult child Date: Wed, 11 Mar 2009 11:40:23 -0500 Hi TA The English assignment is not done. difficult child went to bed at 5:00, got up once at 10:00 for a drink, and went back to bed. I've now remembered why I've let most school related things be left at school and left to natural consequences. Trying to force these things at home doesn't work, hasn't really in the past, and creates a very unpleasant atmosphere at home where both difficult child and the rest of the family should be able to relax and interact as a family. I thought I would give it a try, but I'm not really willing to turn our evenings into a war zone over homework and school again. Will continue to try talk to difficult child about this, hinging of course on when he will actually talk to me as the last 2 days have made the home situation unpleasant to say the least. Will also remind and encourage him to do homework, and offer help if he will accept it, but the ultimate responsibility to get things done will fall on him. Failing classes and repeating may end up being the natural consequences of him not doing the work, and this will be his choice, which I have pointed out to him more than once. Honestly, you may have a better chance of encouraging him to do any work, as once home I think he feels school is done and has a hard time facing any more work. I have checked into private psychologists, and my insurance at work will cover about 4 sessions, after which we would be unable to bear the expense, and would have to look at going through C & Y which I believe has a long wait list. Am considering it for those sessions, but have to weigh whether that would do much good as it would take 4 sessions for difficult child to be comfortable enough to even talk to them. Have gotten the re-referral to psychiatrist and just waiting to hear from her office regarding appointments, but that could be 6-8 weeks for an opening, which of course will be near school end and probably not much help at this point. Right now can only keep working on turning difficult child around and hopefully getting through all the classes for this year. Next year I believe it IS imperative that he have resource both semesters, so that most school work can be done at school, and once the school day is over he isn't faced with having to do it at home. I do not want to seem like I am giving up on difficult child, I do talk to him frequently about how he will be limiting his choices for the future by not getting through school etc., and prod him every night regarding homework. However I have been forcibly reminded that trying to compel difficult child to do anything is futile, and won't return to how home life was in difficult child's grade 4 & 5 years. It's a been there, done that kind of thing. I cannot force the pen into his hand and make him do homework. If you have any suggestions, I'm open to trying them. Please share this email with School Councelor as well. Thanks 'chelle _____________ Subject: RE: difficult child Date: Tue, 10 Mar 2009 16:23:39 -0600 To: 'chelle From: TA Hello 'chelle, today for the most part difficult child and I just co-existed in a room together, but he was not beligerant or even that defiant, other than he wanted nothing to do with working. He seemed to be very social at break and at lunch, so after lunch in History class, I mentioned to him that I noticed he was being social. We talked a bit and he slowly came around. In science he tried to pull the "put my head down on the desk" game, but I talked to him about Science Teacher going out of his way to accomodate him, so I felt that difficult child needed to give him the respect that he deserved, and then I just left him. He opened his binder, and placed all his notes and handouts in his binder without incident, and payed attention in class. I seen him later for Driver Ed and we talked like we did before. I hope things are better at home this evening. The science test has been moved to fill in the blank, multiple choice and definitions part on Thursday and the short answer on Monday. In english, it would be good if difficult child could do his myth, even if it involves you doing it and asking him to come up with certain ideas or aspects which ppeal to him. I hope this help, and hope you have a great evening. TA ________________________________ From: 'chelle Sent: Tue 10/03/2009 8:57 AM To: TA Subject: difficult child Hi TA: I guess I got a little too optimistic yesterday afternoon. Last night difficult child refused to do any homework, started a little meltdown, I stripped his room of electronics etc. to which he said "what's the point of that, it's not going to make a difference." I don't know how much he slept last night, I know I slept less than 4 hours. husband just told me difficult child's slamming doors etc. at home, which means he's very late, and if/when husband gets him there I have no clue how he'll be. I would expect he'll be refusing to do anything. Will be calling School Counsellor to let her know this as well. Sorry about that. I'm at a loss at his point as to what to do.