School nurse is giving me hassles and dr. is no help. Argh!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Californiablonde, Sep 30, 2013.

  1. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    As you all know, difficult child has been battling with stomach issues for the past year or so. She was diagnosed with stomach ulcers about six months ago and put on various medications. difficult child is still vomiting and getting horrible bouts of nausea. She is skipping meals because she is afraid of throwing up. In the last two weeks she has only made it to school twice. She went to see her gastroenterologist last week and the dr. says she wants to run more tests. She sent her to the lab on Friday to have bloodwork done to check out her pancreas to see if that was infected. My mom took her to the lab Friday morning to get the bloodwork. The lab refused to give a note to excuse difficult child from missing class. They said that only her doctor can excuse it. So I called this morning to ask her gastroenterologist to please fax me a note and excuse her for Friday's absence. I was told the doctor will not excuse it due to her being absent all day. Friday was minimum day due to back to school night on Thursday night. difficult child got out of school at 11:20 on Friday. By the time my mom got my daughter to the lab in the morning and got her blood drawn, then took her to eat breakfast since she had to fast beforehand, school was already almost out. I told my mom just to drop her off at home since school would be out shortly anyway. I explained to the nurse at the doctor's office that difficult child's school let out early on Friday so that is why she never made it to school. The dr. still won't excuse it. Now I have another unexcused absence on difficult child's record.

    This morning I had to argue and fight to get difficult child to school. Usually she gets sick in the morning then feels better in the afternoon, so I convinced her to come to school and try and make it through at least part of the day. While I was driving easy child to school she threw up several times in my car. Sometimes after she throws up she feels better so I drove her to school tp see if she could make it. She made it through her first class fine but then went to the nurse's office and threw up again during third period. She wanted to go home but the nurse's assisant pursuaded her to stay until lunch time since she has already missed so much school. difficult child agreed to go back to class then went back to the nurse at lunch time due to still feeling sick. This time the head nurse was in there and she is a real hard *** when it comes to sending kids home. She knows all about difficult child's issues, and she says she will not send her home even if she throws up because she thinks difficult child is faking it. The nurse came to talk to me privately and told me that if difficult child does not have a temperature she is not excusing her to go home. difficult child's last class of the day, which is right after lunch, is PE. At least I got her to get through her academic classes but I didn't think she was well enough to do PE. I explained this to the nurse and she didn't care.

    She chastised me for keeping difficult child home to much and not getting her the education she deserves. I then informed her that I have contacted the school psychiatric and her case carrier to discuss possible home teaching. The IEP is supposed to be scheduled within the next couple of weeks. The nurse told me she was never informed of any IEP and that she was booked solid and couldn't make it anyway. Then she told me difficult child will not qualify for home teaching. She says home teaching is only for kids with serious medical issues such as cancer or rare seizure disorders. She says that she is the one who has to approve home teaching and she is not going to do it for difficult child. I don't know where else to turn. I am going to go ahead with the IEP and see what the district has to say. I feel like nobody is on my side and nobody is helping. I am getting accused of not giving difficult child an education, which is simply not true. Right now she is suffering from psychiatric issues and unexplained stomach issues and I'm doing my best to get her to school. Especially in my line of work, I find education extremely important. Saying I don't care about my kid's education isn't true at all. I just wish I knew where to go from her because it seems like nobody wants to help me.
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    I'm going to sound like a broken record here but... you really need to get an advocate. Especially because you work in the system... they are going to walk over you.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I would be pulling her to homeschool. Yesterday. This telling her she is faking it is bad for her.

    I believe that your daughter is legitimately sick and I don't like medical educators (cough). This nurse is probably not a real nurse. She is probably just a health aid who decided her throwing up was fake. Does she want to clean up the fake throw up? I am guessing that the doctor will find that something is going on making your daughter sick and that the nurse is full of it and the others at your school too.

    Honestly, in my opinion best thing you can do for your poor kid is to pull her out of public school and invest in a good cirriculum that she can finish at home until she feels better. I am one who believes she is legitimately sick. I mean, she DID have ulcers. That isn't "faking it."

    Why do you think you need the school's permission to home school? Is that the rule in your state? In Wisconsin, we can just do it and nobody can stop us.
  4. svengandhi

    svengandhi Well-Known Member

    MWM -

    I think CB is talking about homebound instruction, not home schooling. To get homebound, the school does have to approve it. I don't know that homeschooling would work for this family. When can CB do it while still holding down her job? Didn't her difficult child refuse to do online classes over the summer to make up what she missed last year? If that's the case, how can leaving her home alone to do the work possibly succeed?

    I would honestly be seeking a second opinion from another specialist, perhaps one at a teaching hospital. Has she had a recent ultrasound? How did her H. pylori testing come out? Can she have an endo or colonoscopy or did she have one already? I think ulcers, to some degree (if they're not caused by H. pylori) can be stress related and are a physical manifestation of a psychological issue and perhaps her therapist can explain it to nurse know-it-not. As for blood work, aren't the labs by you open on Saturday? If you take her then, she doesn't miss school at all.

    Good luck, I've had ulcers on and off and they are very painful and debilitating. I feel for your little girl...
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Sven, I know.

    But I'm talking about homeschooling, which in my opinion is a better option because she hasn't been feeling well, she wouldn't have to keep leaving the house, her anxiety level would be down a lot, and she wouldn't have to report in any way to the school. The school is giving her an awfully hard time and, if it were my kid, I wouldn't want to keep dealing with their nonsense. It can't be good for a child with ulcers and possibly more to be vomiting every morning and she can't be learning much w hen she IS in school if she feels ill.
  6. bby31288

    bby31288 Active Member

    Holy Moly how do you get her to do the work she misses? Does your ex know about her absences? I remember last year he gave you and difficult child koi for all those days out. Has she seen a psychiatric dr for some anxiety medications? Has she been diagnosed with a General Anxiety Disorder. I'm afraid things with the nurse are going to get worse.
  7. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Yes, please get an advocate. And go over this idiots head. She has a boss and her boss has a boss. I'm thinking a dr. note might help. The advocate would know.

    Poor difficult child. And poor you having to work with these people.
  8. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Get to another doctor, one who will be a little more proactive. She needs the stomach issues diagnosed and treated asap. This other doctor will gave her notes carte blanche because he will take her problem seriously. It's very difficult for her to catch up on all that missing work, most likely impossible, and then she's lost when she comes in so she accomplishes nothing.
    Wouldn't the doctor be the one to prescribe home instruction??? The school nurse should have no input, she isn't a doctor, she doesn't diagnose or treat. That's crazy if she has any input. I'm sorry you have these people in your way, I know you just want difficult child to go to school and be healthy. There are advocates who can help you!
  9. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Advocate and new doctor for difficult child.
  10. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    While seeking new medical help absolutely keep a daily journal that includes what she eats, when she throws up, and how the remainder of the day goes. You need a comprehensive picture for a caring MD. Hugs DDD

    PS: Home schooling does not sound like a viable option but homebound might be helpful.
  11. Josie

    Josie Active Member

    As far as the medical issues go, I would try a strict gluten free diet and see if it helps. You can do it on your own and she might be able to tell quickly that it helps. My daughter could. Even I could tell that I felt different after eating a truly girlfriend meal for the first time and I didn't think I had stomach issues.

    My daughter had stomach issues her whole life, until she was 8. I took her to different GI doctors as well as her pedi. They did blood tests, ultrasounds, etc. over the years but found nothing. Finally, I put her on the girlfriend diet when she was 8 and she got better. We have no need for a GI doctor any more, 7 years later. None of those doctors thought gluten was the problem but the blood tests they do are not sensitive enough for gluten intolerance rather than celiac. She also had to give up milk, at least at first. It seems now that she can have at least some milk without it affecting her stomach.

    The girlfriend/CF diet also helped my other daughter with her ODD symptoms and me with my stress/anxiety levels. You just never know how much this could help until you try it.

    If you can get the stomach problems under control, the rest will be easier.
  12. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    Unfortunately homeschooling is not an option as I would have to quit my job to do so. As tempting as it sounds and as much as I hate my job at the moment, I need to work full time. Being a single parent doesn't allow me to be a stay at home mom. If home teaching is approved, difficult child will get a private teacher that comes to our home and works with her two hours a day, five days a week. That would definitely benefit difficult child, as she is learning disabled and requires one on one attention to get any work done. When she is at school she is completely lost without her one on one aide sitting right beside her helping her with her work. We are going to her psychiatrist on the 9th of this month and I am going to see if he can write a note recommending the home teaching, at least for now until we can get her medications figured out. I truly believe difficult child has inherited my anxiety disorder and most likely needs a good anti depressant to help her out. Only problem is bipolar and antidepressants can be tricky and cause rapid cycling or mania, something I know all too well first hand. Hopefully we find something to help difficult child with these panic attacks she is getting. I feel her pain as I suffer from them as well, and I know how crippling they can be. As far as her stomach issues, I would be willing to try a gluten free diet. I am willing to try anything at this point. I will have to research it online. I know there's a bunch of foods that contain gluten but I don't know which ones.
  13. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Gluten free = eliminate most grains and anything made from them. Off the top of my head, the exceptions are rice and quinoa.

    If you're cooking from scratch, it's not that difficult to go girlfriend. It does mean eliminating all forms of bread including flat breads, all most cereals, batters, "breaded", most cookies and cakes.
    If you use a lot of pre-prepared foods... you will find gluten in a LOT of it.

    Some people don't have to go fully girlfriend... some can't tolerate wheat, for example, but can tolerate oats and barley (which are also high gluten).
  14. svengandhi

    svengandhi Well-Known Member

    MWM -

    I know you meant homeschooling, which in some states (like mine, NY) requires you to register. I just don't think it's a workable choice for CB since her daughter already showed that she won't work at home on the computer and CB can't be home monitoring her. I think maybe an alternative school might be an option at this point, one which is more therapeutic in nature.
  15. Josie

    Josie Active Member

    My rules for gluten free are:

    1. Read every label of anything you are going to eat. If it has wheat, oats, rye, barley, malt, or natural flavor, don't eat it.

    2. Eat naturally girlfriend foods, not processed foods: fruit, veggies, rice, potatoes, meat, eggs, fish, quinoa

    3. Look for a list of brands that will not have gluten in them in the natural flavor. Kraft, Unilever, Sara Lee are some.

    I am also dairy free, but if not, you could add cheese, milk, yogurt.

    There are girlfriend substitutes for pasta, cookies, bread, and crackers. Some of the pasta is ok but I would not recommend the cookies or breads, at first anyway.

    You can make very good girlfriend cookies and cakes by substituting girlfriend flour in regular recipes. A girlfriend flour blend works best, like King Arthur girlfriend Flour. Add about 1 t of xanthan gum per cup of flour. I serve these to anyone and even the anti girlfriend people in my family have complimented me on them.

    It really isn't that hard. It can be incovenient, but if it helps, it is worth it.
  16. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    Well after talking to the school psychiatric it seems as if home teaching isn't a good option. The teacher only comes for an hour a day and difficult child would be left on her own to complete most of the work. difficult child absolutely cannot work on her own. If left up to her own devices, she would be on the internet or on her phone all day long. Since I obviously can't be home to monitor her it wouldn't work well. He suggested perhaps a continuation school that caters to the needs of emotionally disabled kids. We are going to have discuss all options at the IEP. Honestly I don't know if the continuation school would work either. If she's refusing the school we're at now, how do we know she will suddenly agree to go to the new school? I will find out more about the school at the IEP to see if it would even be beneficial to difficult child. At this point I don't know what else to do.
  17. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Get a professional advocate who knows what all the options are... you need every bit of help you can get.
  18. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    How do I go about getting a good free advocate? Somebody posted a couple of links here a few months ago but they were all lawyers who charge a fee.
  19. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Look first to your state dept of education website or the mandatory booklet provided at all IEP meetings that is put together by your school district. There are usually listings of educational advocates - my state has tons listed.

    Second, Google it - put in "free educational advocate in CA" and see what happens....

    I do have a question. Please don't feel that I am questioning your daughter's diagnosis, but back in early September you posted this in response to a question about when her stomach issues popped back up again because you had said it hadn't bothered her all summer:

    Just when school started. Registration, actually. Just the thought of school started getting her anxiety going. She's been throwing up every single day. This morning she was in a lot of pain. Here starts another year..

    I think this is where you start, it is where I would start were she my daughter. She needs therapy, medications, and IEP
    accommodations. But I think in that order. Her mental and physical health need to be the priority, not her school work. That can be made up, done over, whatever after she is physically and mentally stable. That's just my 2 cents.


  20. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the info, Sharon. I have a few local numbers I can call. I got her grades this morning and she has straight F's. Clearly she can't continue down this path so we need to find a good education alternative ASAP.