School sent truancy officer this morning

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by butterflydreams, Feb 25, 2009.

  1. difficult child has been going along fine for the last few weeks and then this week we have been back to school refusal with high anxiety. I couldn't get him to go Monday, or Tuesday and really thought I could get him to go today. No such luck. Because I want the school to "get it", I went ahead and called the school this morning to tell them that he was still not able to go. He was crying and saying I can't go, I'm scared. They said they were going to send out a truancy officer, put me on hold, the 7th grade school counselor gets on the phone and asks what is going on, I explain to her, she asks to speak to difficult child. He reluctantly gets on the phone with her, he asks if he can just come in for the testing and then come home, she tells him no, he needs to come to school, he then hands me back the phone. This was at 8:15am. She tells me that the truancy officer will come out and talk to him and assess the situation.

    The school counselor then says "I don't see the anxiety and behaviors that you tell me he is experiencing" "What I see is defiant school refusal, I never see anxiety" I am tired of hearing it. I have told her that is because when he is so anxious that he can't function he doesn't make it to school. How many times kids with BiPolar (BP) and other disorders hold it together at school and let loose at home? She DOESN"T get it. If she doesn't see it, it must not exist, never mind the reports from psychiatrist and his numerous hospitalizations.

    One of the things I am sure that has set off his anxiety again is he says last week some kid punched him in the stomach. I asked if he reported it, he said no because he didn't want to get into trouble for being a tattletell. I told him that he needed to report it, that the kid was wrong. When I spoke to the school psychologist yesterday, I told him about it, but that I didn't have the kids name. This morning, difficult child told the school counselor about it giving her the kids name. He is afraid of returning to school out of fear of retaliation. difficult child has had trouble with bullys before and it always leads to the same thing. Anxiety.

    Well, finally about 9:45am the truancy officer shows up. difficult child was afraid to have him come because he was afraid that the officer was going to shoot him. Anyway, I opened the door, difficult child was standing behind me. The officers said "are you ready to go, get your shoes, you have two minutes" difficult child looked dumbfounded. Then the officer asked my why he didn't go, I told him about his anxiety and everything that I have tried. He said he would talk to difficult child on the way to school. difficult child looked at me before walking out and said "I thought he was just going to talk". Anyway, we will see how it goes today.

    This stress is killing me. I didn't like doing that, but the school has been pushing it and saying that I need to make sure that I am doing everything. I want them to "get it" even though I know they won't. I feel so alone, I know I have the emotional support of other people, but in the end it is me who has to deal with everything.

    School is such a huge anxiety issue for him, I just don't know of any other options at this point.

    Thanks for listening,

  2. Rabbit

    Rabbit Member

    Where I live u can get into a home/hospital program where the school sends a tutor to your house. The Psch doctor must sign that difficult child can not go to school because of anxiety. The doctor can sign for up to 60 days in my school district.
  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I'd look at that as both an aggravation and a help. If someone wants to come by and take my difficult child to school, and it works, more power to them!
    I can absolutely see how he would think "officer" meant "gun." Poor kid!
    A home tutor might be a good solution.
    I read the medications he's on but don't know much about them, so I can't recommend anything there. :(
    I hate to sound useless, but I can send support!
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, I forgot to add, he's seeing a therapist for anxiety, right?

    Ironically, as my difficult child was being couhseled for anger issues last yr, the kid who was most afraid of him (and never got physical, just seemed afraid) was also in counseling for communication skills and what to do about bullies.

    They are both much better now. I saw them playing a board game after school. They still don't call one another but at least they're on speaking terms.

    I hope that your son can get to that point. Kids can be so mean, with-o even knowing what they're doing.
  5. Terry, yes difficult child is in weekly counseling - anxiety is not a new issue for him. I will of course be letting her know about the latest. My daughter has an appointment with psychiatrist (they see the same one) tomorrow and I am going to ask him if I can have a few minutes to talk privately after her appointment.

    As far as difficult child's medications, other than the anxiety issues right now, this is the best I have seen him as far as his mood stability in the last 2 years.

    We have been dealing with anxiety issues for the past couple of years.

    Rabbit, we have what is called homebound services through our school district. psychiatrist doesn't want to put difficult child on that because he wants him to attend school. If allowed, difficult child would stay indoors and never socialize. Besides which at his age a parent would have to be home and I can't be, I have no other alternative but to work.