Scorched earth? What do you think?

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by witzend, Mar 7, 2012.

  1. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    There are things that I know and can prove about L's dad R that would get him disbarred. I could ruin the reputation of his late ex-wife J, who was also an attorney and whose attorney father still poops golden tidbits on a daily basis. Things that I wouldn't even have trouble proving, because he was foolish enough to file false documents in two different jurisdictions in this state that disprove each other. The only reason I never did anything about it before is because I was trying to maintain the peace with L.

    To wit -

    When L was about 8, R left J and left L with her. They didn't tell me. I found out on President's Day weekend when L told me that her dad wasn't living with them anymore and hadn't been for a long time. I filed for custody of her in response, stating that he had essentially abandoned L to J, who had no legal or parental rights. R filed a sworn response in M county, where we lived, that he had in fact only left the home the Friday before President's Day, and was only making arrangements for a place to live with L, and that L would be with him soon. Three months went by before the hearing, and the judge gave a delayed verdict waiting for R to make up his mind. In the end, the Judge ruled that he would not decide because there was no final divorce. (What a drunken ****.)

    In the meantime, R filed for divorce from J in C County, where none of us lived, one county over saying that he had been legally separated from J since the October before the President's Day weekend in question and was eligible for a final divorce decree. J signed the same divorce papers that R had left in October, and swore in court that R hadn't left until nearly March.

    The state bar rules of conduct says that they can't lie, they can't lie in court, and that as soon as they realize that they may have made a misrepresentation to the court they must correct it. To be honest, the only thing I am waffling on is whether to sick an attorney on him and force him to sweat, maybe even ask for a settlement from his malpractice insurance on him, or just make the complaint and let the chips fall where they may.

    I hate to sound this way, but the more he would squirm, the better I would feel. He's gotten away with this for 29 years, and I've never played anything but fair with him because poor under-represented people don't get to lie, and I'm just not that good at it. I have no doubt that I have already burned my bridges with L - I no longer serve a purpose for her - so, what is the downside to either of these propositions?
  2. keista

    keista New Member

    Did I miss something? Is there any particular reason you're looking to go after him now?

    in my opinion it sounds like a great plan and making ppl squirm is really fun, but if you don't get to watch/witness it, then not so much.

    I'm more concerned about this being a good plan for you. ((((HUGS))))
  3. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Witz, I would try as much as possible to look at it from a clinical perspective. Do a cost-benefit analysis, if you will.

    If you do this, how does it help you?
    What do you want to get out of it?
    What are the risks to you if you do it?
    What are the risks to you if you don't do it?

    When you look at the pros and cons, which ever side is more heavily weighted seems to be the answer.

    Given that L is no longer a consideration, I would certainly be tempted to do something.
  4. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Sweetie... First things first, :hugs:

    I very much agree with Trinity. Truly, only if it benefits someone would it be worth it... And if that someone is you... Go for it. But if there's no benefit, then really, there isn't any point... I think.
  5. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Here's my cost/benefit analysis:

    If you do this, how does it help you? It proves amongst his peers that he is and always has been a liar and I always did tell the truth.

    What do you want to get out of it? Revenge and/or money. As much pain for him as I can see to it that he gets.

    What are the risks to you if you do it? None that I can see. I'll be gone, and they all hate me anyway. I'm not the one that signed sworn notarized false statements of facts that were lies and then filed them with a court, so I just can't see how this can bite me in the behind.

    What are the risks to you if you don't do it? I will have let my last opportunity to do this slip by because I have left the state and have no standing.

    I know that the revenge aspect of this sounds problematic, but the truth of it is I'm not ever going to feel like I was treated rightly in this situation. I'm not ever going to wish that life is easy for him. All I know is that as long as this has gone on I have regretted not standing up to him and making him play by the rules. Now the reason for giving him a pass is gone, I feel like I should do what it is that I've always wanted. I don't know if I'll be able to live with myself if I walk away from it now when there's no reason not to do it.

    My only question about it, I guess, is how much do I make him squirm? Do I have an attorney contact him and tell him what I'm up to after we've gathered the evidence? It's all public record. He just filed it in two different counties thinking that no one would ever find it. Or do I just have the bar complaint slapped on him and walk away?
  6. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I would get all your ducks in a row, slap the bar complaint on him, and shuffle off to Buffalo with a light heart. Why give him any advance warning?
  7. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    Witz, with much love, this all happened over 20 years ago. Maybe its time to just move on - you are starting a new life, in a new place, with your wonderful hubby who adores you. His peers probably don't care if he lies or not - they probably know that he does - it would be only a thing of importance to them if those peers were going up against him in a court case.

    Not to mention you probably won't get squat from his insurance - Attorney's E&O are usually on a claims made basis (claim has to occur during the policy term) and unless he has been with the same company all of these years (highly unlikely) his effective date and retro active date most likely has changed quite a few times.

    You weren't treated right and that is sad. But seeking revenge after all these years - I don't know if that is a healthy way to go and I fear you are just going to end up looking badly and he will have the last laugh (and you will have paid an attorney out of your own pocket) if you can find one to take the case after this long - I think it would be one thing if discovery was recent but it will look like you turned a blind eye for years, and only now are doing something because of the way L has acted.

    He has generated enough bad karma for himself it will come back and kick him in the behind.

  8. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Thanks, Marcie, but this is a done deal. I'm seeking advice from an attorney and the max they can charge for a consult is $35. I can easily do that. This is the part of my life where I win and move on, not the part where I continue to lose. He's been with the same insurance company all this time because the insurance company is the bar association. Same carrier, same insurer, they insure themselves. Filing a complaint is free, so no money out of pocket there.

    I know without a doubt that I will hate myself if I don't do this. I doubt I could feel any worse about it having happened if I do. My only doubt now is how hard I want to hit him.
  9. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    What are the statue of limitations on this?
  10. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    According to the "Rules of Conduct", he must immediately inform the court of any error he has made, and not allow any misinformation to remain in the court records. It's an ongoing violation.
  11. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    I believe that you are completely in the right.

    The only caveat: being in the right does not mean you will be successful.

    I would wonder if the courts would actually be willing to take on these infractions - or whether this is kind of a "boys club" situation where these things tend to happen and nobody gets excited about it. The way things are supposed to be done and the way they are actually done are often two very different things. I would hate to see you get burned all over again trying to bring such a lawsuit.
  12. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Does your husband have an opinion on this? Unless it's causing problems between you and husband, I'd like to hear what the attorney has to say about it.
  13. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    I don't know ANYONE who tried a scorched-earth approach, and didn't end up getting burned - some, badly.

    Anonymous tip that blows his career up? That's fine. It would be revenge of a sort, but not tied to you and not "scorched earth". Anything more than that, you will live to regret.
  14. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    I agree with IC- and I think you will get burned. At the very least, I think you will completely burn any potential bridge you may want to build with your daughter someday. I know you've been badly hurt & I completely understand the fantasy of hurting back.

    Yes, it sounds like irregular things went on in court. Doesn't surprise me, even lawyers don't eat their own. I would be surprised of they didn't circle the wagons & push this under a rug. They"ll see it as "an ex with an ax to grind" and it will go away.

    Best revenge is living well. Don't pick this scab.
  15. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    He's actually been suspended by the Bar before, and that doesn't happen unless they dislike you. He has hundreds of complaints against him, but unless you have solid proof in your hands, there's not much they will do. I have the proof. It wouldn't be ignored.
  16. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I realize that you and I don't know a lot about each other, but there is no "potential bridge" with my daughter. We're done. And this is no "fantasy". I can see that you don't have the legal background to understand what it is that I am talking about, so there's really nothing I can say to you other than you'll know when I'm done with it that it's not a fantasy, and I could give a royal rip about my daughter.

    FWIW, L's dad gave me the same advice about "living well". I've lived well for the past 29 years while he and his family and my daughter pooh-poohed me as a nothing who deserved everything they threw at me. Well, thanks, but no thanks for that advice. The best revenge is living well after you know you ran them over with your car twice.
  17. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Why would I live to regret it? Who helps me? Who has taken care of me in my time of need? Him? My family? My children? Not one of them. The only time we ever heard from L was when she wanted something.I've been wronged and that's one thing and you're right that wouldn't play. This is not that, and it will play.

    He's an unpopular attorney with a huge ego that is not well liked amongst his peers. This is not a complaint about what he did to me, this is a complaint about what he did to the court and I have the proof in writing that he swore to and signed and filed with the court. Honestly. This tip can't come from anyone from me, because I'm the only one that can connect the dots and I'm moving 3,000 miles away and never intend to nor desire to see any of them ever again.

    Hurt me? I think not. Can't be done.

    To top it all off, maybe the next time some slime ball like him thinks he's going to lie in a sworn document filed with the court because he wants something they'll think twice. And the next woman that is in line for that kind of treatment can thank me for that.
  18. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    husband is fine with it. I have a request into the Bar for a legal malpractice specialist and should hear back before the weekend.
  19. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    There seems to be some misunderstanding. I'm not filing a lawsuit. I'm filing a complaint with the Bar Association. They will find wrongdoing. They may choose to levy a fine against him or award me compensation. No lawsuit.
  20. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    Would you consider another alternative? What about telling him directly that you know this info and can prove it. Then tell him he has X number of days to formally advise whomever he needs to advise in the chain of command that he lied and wants to set the record straight and take whatever punishment is due him. If he doesn't make his move and officially rectify it, you will then report it and go for his jugular.