Score one for the difficult child

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Shari, Feb 20, 2009.

  1. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I was going to title this "score one for the home team", but its really a victory for difficult child. I'm not sure how you classify this kind of "victory", either. I just got someone "in the know" to tell the school that suspending difficult child isn't and won't work.
    The meeting this morning went off without a hitch.
    There were 14 people in attendance: principal, school counselor, mainstream teacher, sped teacher, sped director, our county case worker, in-home therapist, myself, both grandma's (paternal grandma is former employee of SD), 3 people from the support team at the univeristy, and the MD/PHD who heads that department and oversees the support team.
    The MD/PHD was there early and apparently did some talking to the principal, because the principal, who up to this point had not been able to see why suspending difficult child is not being proactive, really led the meeting. MD/PHD said they really need to not react to difficult child's "threats", and they can do that because they have more than sufficient evidence that the threat is idle, it a mechanism of his disability when he is doing it, and he can not act on it. She said he will probably up the ante for a bit, but if they can find a way to ignore it, she beleives it will stop. She really pushed them to find a single "safe spot" in the building for difficult child, as his "safe spot" to this point was not always the same depending on the time of day. She also had a lot of suggestions, like using a colored flashcard to signal difficult child that he's either doing a great job or is slipping off a little without calling attention to it, having me or someone who handles difficult child well go to school with him for a few days and watch the paras and hopefully be able to see when difficult child's getting off track so we can teach the paras how to "read" him, maybe having shortened days if we aren't able to give the para's any pointers, etc. This group was a real asset today.
    There was a lot of really good discussion and we will have a draft of a plan in place by Monday morning and either myself or my brother will be going to school with difficult child next week to sit in the back of the room and watch the paras and difficult child and hopefully will be able to help them see signs earlier that difficult child is losing it so they can stop his behavior before it ever even starts.
    I have to give the school credit, they ARE trying. They just don't know what to do, either. And I certainly can't blame them for that. After 7 years, I don't know what to do with him a lot of times, either.
  2. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I'm glad the meeting went so well. I'm very impressed that your MD/PHD attended. No way would our MD attend -- they won't even write full reports.
  3. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    What an awesome team you've put together! I'm jealous! Glad everything went so well and that they all seem to finally be on the same page. I am continually amazed at how administrator's cling to suspension and detention as a tool for changing behavior, especially in the face of a child whose behavior is out of the norm and clearly not typical.

    difficult child 2's 6th grade team uses homework detention (15 minutes after school on Fridays) for 3 or more missing assignments. Whatever. If my difficult child doesn't get an assignment done, it's because he can't focus or forgot to write it down. If he can't focus, then I should (and usually try to) communicate that with his teacher and he shouldn't be penalized. If he forgot to write it down, that's partly his fault, and partly the teacher's for not reviewing his planner at the end of the day like they're supposed to. Serving detention doesn't do a thing to change his behavior. But since they let him use the time to catch up on work, I don't sweat it and neither does he. If they want to spend their Friday afternoon watching my difficult child work on an assignment, then I guess that's their decision!
  4. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    GCV, that's crazy. You would think they'd stop doing the same thing that isn't working over and over and over, but then again, that requires them to accept a different mindset, too. I still find that the "he's just stubborn" mindset is prevalent, even in our school that has come so far in the past few years with regards to sensory issues, etc.

    difficult child's SpEd teacher and para's were VERY open to the Lost At School book, so I gave them a copy on Tuesday and they have already read a lot of it. The principal asked about TEC in this morning's meeting, as well, so I forwarded the website to him. I can't find my TEC book but I'm going to go buy him one tonight. It would be awesome if they'd "get on board" with TEC and CPS out of this, not just for difficult child, but for all the kids. Its a pain in the rear, but really, we're lucky to have the people we have at school. Its only been a month and we've got a LONG ways to go, but they're open - they know this is out of their realm and they're admitting it and still trying.
  5. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    Good for you! Sounds like the meeting went well

  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    AWESOME!! I am so glad that they are willing to try and be open to "new" ideas.

    Congratulations and Way To Go to YOU for putting this team together!!! You have worked so hard, and it really shows! I think this school has far more promise and potential than his old school did. I am glad you found them.

    Do something today to reward YOU for this meeting!
  7. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Good for you girl!!! I am so happy that things will start working to benefit difficult child. And you have enlightened them on ways to handle other difficult children in the future!!

    I hope all goes well with the plan.

    Keep us posted. :)
  8. Janna

    Janna New Member

    That's great. A good team, alone, is priceless. How nice they are trying. Really, that has to count for something.
  9. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    It really sounds like they're trying to come up with a positive plan for difficult child. I'm so happy for you both.
  10. ML

    ML Guest

    Congratulations! Time to celebrate your victory. What a great team you have there. Right on!