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<blockquote data-quote="newstart" data-source="post: 722903" data-attributes="member: 22416"><p><em>Update. My daughter and I had to go to a baby shower together yesterday. I did not want to miss this over her behavior. The mother to be was a special friend to me and my daughter. My daughter picked me up and we rode together to the party. The party was so nice with many friendly kind people. My daughter thanked me for going and said she was glad we had a good time. My husband took pictures of us as we left for the party. I studied the pictures. I look sad and wore out, she looks ok, a bit ill. No light behind her eyes. I woke up last night with several nightmares. I have learned how to keep myself away from depression. Years ago before I knew what mental illness really was, I spent a week in my home with my manic mother in law. Being with her for one week sent me into a depression that I had never felt before, I thought I was going to die. I had no idea the level of PTSD a person can get from being around someone so highly toxic. After that I cut my bonds with her and to this day have never feel into that deep of depression, even after my son died. I got deep sorrow and grief but it felt different than depression. I feel very broken right now but will not let myself fall into the deep despairs of depression, I know now the triggers and I pull myself up from that. I am activly working on not falling into that hole. This past week I have told my daughter several times that I was to busy to do anything with her. I have to limit my time with her, I will not allow her to suck my soul dry. Her journey is HER journey.</em></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="newstart, post: 722903, member: 22416"] [I]Update. My daughter and I had to go to a baby shower together yesterday. I did not want to miss this over her behavior. The mother to be was a special friend to me and my daughter. My daughter picked me up and we rode together to the party. The party was so nice with many friendly kind people. My daughter thanked me for going and said she was glad we had a good time. My husband took pictures of us as we left for the party. I studied the pictures. I look sad and wore out, she looks ok, a bit ill. No light behind her eyes. I woke up last night with several nightmares. I have learned how to keep myself away from depression. Years ago before I knew what mental illness really was, I spent a week in my home with my manic mother in law. Being with her for one week sent me into a depression that I had never felt before, I thought I was going to die. I had no idea the level of PTSD a person can get from being around someone so highly toxic. After that I cut my bonds with her and to this day have never feel into that deep of depression, even after my son died. I got deep sorrow and grief but it felt different than depression. I feel very broken right now but will not let myself fall into the deep despairs of depression, I know now the triggers and I pull myself up from that. I am activly working on not falling into that hole. This past week I have told my daughter several times that I was to busy to do anything with her. I have to limit my time with her, I will not allow her to suck my soul dry. Her journey is HER journey.[/I] [/QUOTE]
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