Hi all, yesterday was our 6th visit with social worker and I happen to get call from the neuro psychiatric dr right before. I mentioned the talk of wanting to die and how that phrase increased dramatically. She said if your concerned bring him to ER, I was not concerned but wanted to let her know. She said she is straight out for about a month but once we get approved from ins, she will do the psychiatric part of the testing first and the rest when she has availability. I said sounds like a plan and she said to discuss this issue with social worker at the next visit. I texted social worker and asked her to bring it up with him as he seems very happy and comfortable with her. she said no problem. at the apt, it went OK she brought in some of hers sons old cars and trucks for him to play with and he was on cloud 9 with them. He played quietly, i knew he was listening to all we were saying the whole time. He sat up a few times and looked at me for no reason, i also got a few evil eye stares and he interupted us to correct my version of the story with his version. She brought up the dying comments and he said, kinda upset, i was just being sarcastic. I kinda thought that thats what was going on, but I still find it disturbing to hear. Part of me wants to say to him, well how would you do it and I can put money on the fact that he would have no idea how to do it. I know I could be wrong here, but I really think I am right. She also pointed out the majority of his breakdowns and rage are when routine is broken and he is over stimulated. Last day of school he came home instead of after school, sister took off to friends us last minute, swimming at night before bed, staying up later than normal, going out last minute to stores for last minute parties, etc. I so saw what she was pointing out. again this visit was more of a store time for me, she corrected me a few times on what I could have done. The one thing I talked about and its a catch 22 in my eyes. She asked how was it going with not reacting to his behavior. i said I dont like it, first off its emotionally draining and I thought it fueled him and made the incident last longer. If I just dont yell and continue on with the moment, he gets madder and madder and stays mad longer. If I snap and yell at him or out loud, he kinda sees the wrong and slides out of the bad mood quicker and I feel a sort of release by yelling. she asked which is better, I said jokingly, depends on what kind of day we both have had. She said the yelling helps me instantly but in the long wrong he is still upset and maybe sad about making mommy yell and he really isnt out of the rage yet. If I let it go, he comes out of rage on his own, he is learning....slowly.....how to get himself out of the rage. As days go by, it will get shorter and shorter. I sure hope she is right!! At the end of the visit difficult child went outside to look into a frog pond, she said he is doing great here, 1 hour of us just talking and he was awesome. She did say she could see his mood change like that as we talked about different things, but he was holding it in but that was good for him to be able to control it, but I get it back later cause he is all pent up. Just waiting for the approval for testing and that light should get brighter and brighter. thanks for reading, hope you all are having a good week!!